How important is the "sense of relaxation" of family relationships to children

 Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Picture Book

1

Recently, the word relaxation has become popular.

It's like a cool breeze on a sweltering summer day.

Why do we crave this feeling?

Because it gives people a sense of security and comfort.

And these feelings are based on trust, acceptance, respect and love.

For example, even if you make a mistake or hold a different point of view, you will not be immediately accused or questioned.

Rather, it will be a channel for expression and acceptance.

The appearance of relaxation is also like a good remedy, which can solve the "tension and anxiety" in the hearts of parents.

I also feel this way.

2

Recently, because of a cold, I often have a headache with nasal congestion, and I am on fire again, and I am in a very bad mood.

On weekends, I was in a hurry to go out while the little fish filled the kettle in the aisle.

I think I'll go home all at once, there's no need to fill it so full.

So he said impatiently: "Don't fill it so full!" Hurry up! ”

He glanced at me, hurriedly packed the water, and quickly left with the kettle.

The fish mother said to me: "Why are you in such a hurry, it's okay for him to decorate more, you are in a bad mood with a cold, which makes the whole family nervous." ”

Hearing this, I realized my problem.

If you think about it, that's true.

When I put on my face, even if I didn't lose my temper, I made the people around me nervous.

The family lives together and feels very sensitive to each other.

Whoever is angry, who is happy.

And children are more sensitive than adults.

Don't look at them with a big grin, in fact, parents' mood and family atmosphere change.

They can feel it keenly.

Parents who often lose their temper can easily make their children feel nervous.

Because I am afraid of provoking my parents.

So much so that you have to be careful when walking at home.

Because walking in slippers makes a clanging sound, you will be accused of saying so loudly.

If you are found and accused of not wearing shoes, you will stain the sofa quilt and so on.

After all, many times it is parents who love to find fault.

The child accidentally breaks the cup and is about to be scolded

The younger siblings fell and were going to be scolded

I was criticized by the teacher, and I had to be disciplined when I went home

……

This is worth reflecting on, because nervous parents are more likely to give their children a sense of urgency.

What kind of feeling do you want the family to give the child?

Is it nervous or lighthearted?

I think everyone wants to choose the latter.

Then parents should always remind themselves that there is a sense of relaxation in family relationships, not a sense of urgency.

3

Relaxation requires acceptance, less blame.

Especially when the mood is not good, it is necessary to learn to adjust and relax.

When you calm down, you will find that many things are not as urgent as you think.

For example, on Monday, Yu's mother told me that the teacher had sent a message in the group, and Xiaoxiaoyu's Chinese homework on the weekend was not qualified.

I frowned, but told myself, don't be too nervous, look at the situation first.

Because last time I didn't do a good job in Chinese and mathematics, I was beaten once with a rule stick at home.

And I always felt that my emotions were not well controlled that time.

Some details were asked later.

Although it is a small fish careless and scrawled.

But there is no need to lose such a tantrum.

I am reminded of this weekend, which also has special circumstances.

He went out with his aunt to ride a bike, which took half a day.

It also took a lot of time to play with my younger brother.

Probably really forgotten.

Seeing that he had already been made up at school and corrected by the teacher, I did not continue to talk about him.

Instead, tell him that next time, remember to do your homework on time and in quantity.

I saw him standing in front of me, going from nervous to relaxed.

Then I went to do my homework for the day.

Wind and clouds or stormy?

Sometimes it depends on our own grasp of problems and management of emotions.

I internally reminded myself not to create tension.

When a child accidentally breaks a bowl or cup, don't rush to blame.

Instead, you can tell him it's okay, clean up, and pay attention to use it next time.

When there is a problem with his learning, it is far better to find the problem, make a plan, spend enough time tutoring, check and fill in the gaps, and help the child catch up, which is far better than scolding and accusing.

4

Relaxation requires a calm attitude and less irritable yelling.

Why do we crave a sense of relaxation, because in this state, we are relaxed with each other.

Emotions are peaceful, everyone has something to say, which is conducive to communication.

Let some problems be solved easily.

There are many solutions to the same problem.

But some people have to fight and feel that they are right.

For example, whether a dish should be sliced or shredded is debated.

Sometimes because the courier forgot to take it, it took a long time.

Or something is not done well, waiting to be trained.

And when a husband or wife has a dispute with himself, don't rush to win or lose, be reasonable.

You might as well calm down and look again, many things are actually small and not worth the fire.

Some things pass and pass.

And there are many ways to solve the problem.

Why do you have to be obsessed with it, drill the tip of a bull's horn.

Even chattering all the time, calculating it!

5

Relaxation does not equal "letting it go"

Many parents may worry about whether they are managing too much and whether they should relax.

There is actually a degree here.

Relaxation is by no means a laissez-faire stocking.

Chatting with my grandmother some time ago, she said that there was a child in her hometown, only eight or nine years old, who skipped classes with a few middle school students every day, hid together to play with mobile phones, and was beaten a few times by the elders in the family because of the recharge, but it was still the same.

They even got together and smoked like adults.

Many people may find it impossible to imagine.

But children whose parents don't care, or who can't control themselves, can easily become like this.

In the face of fun mobile games, there are smoking between friends to play cool.

Many children can't resist.

Do these children feel relaxed?

This situation is not the kind of relaxed feeling that we are talking about.

It's about harming the child.

When I was a child, I was not guided and disciplined, and when I grew up in the future, I would be fiercely educated by society.

In the process of raising children.

If you find that you belong to parents who are nervous and anxious and have too much control over their children, then let go appropriately, adjust their emotions, and let the parent-child relationship and family atmosphere ease and relax.

Of course, what needs to be done has to be done well, and we still have to manage what should be done, right!

May we all reap this sense of relaxation.