The mother was "pinched" by her son's move, and it was so difficult for parents this time! Can't control it, and can't put it down

Author: Main creative group Jinshan Yue

The other day, a colleague complained that the current child is simply unmanageable.

Just a few days after the summer vacation, she quarreled with her son several times.

Not because the child is greedy to play, or because of his miserable final grades.

But every time I talk to my son, the result is that my colleagues are willing to bow down.

Because the child will not eat or drink, run away from home and threaten her, and threaten to quit school and mix with society.

Once, in order to watch TV, he shouted at them: "Leave me alone, just jump off the building." ”

And as for parents, they are really afraid that their children will have a good villain and dare not care about it.

In fact, like my colleagues, there are many parents who are pinched by their children.

Because we love children, we all fall into a kind of "hidden emotional manipulation".

The child compromises as soon as he makes trouble, gives in when he cries, changes the bottom line, and the principle comes and goes.

In the end, there is no sense of order at home, and parents are overwhelmed and unable to do anything.

As the saying goes, the love of parents for their son is far-reaching.

Compromise is never the way, and discipline is the true love for children.

Why are you being pinched by children?

There is a very heartfelt saying: "After having children, mothers become the most timid people in the world." ”

From the moment the child falls to the ground, parents embark on a long and arduous journey.

We worry about the safety of our children, care about their joys and angers, and hate to be superhuman and help our children resist everything.

And this eager love and care also makes children gradually realize that they themselves are the weakness of their parents.

As a result, at a young age, they learned to "talk about conditions" with their parents without a teacher.

Play more mobile phones, I will eat obediently; Take me to the playground to study well;

Don't let me hang out, don't talk to me, don't buy me toys, Hugh wants me to listen to you...

I believe that when a child makes an unreasonable request, very few parents will immediately say yes.

But the reality is that we may not have time to maneuver, have patience to communicate, and ruthlessly make children suffer.

Take my own example.

My son is 10 years old, energetic and eccentric.

Every night, I was so tired that I was exhausted and just wanted to rest quickly.

In order to coax him to go to bed early, I had to compromise and constantly agree to his "small conditions".

For example, buy a newbie figure, watch more TV on weekends, and don't go to the next interest class...

I also knew that this was not good, but I was too tired, and I was worried that he would not sleep enough and affect his study the next day.

Instead of bitterly reasoning and doing things in a big way, I am more willing to exchange "compromise" for my child's "obedience".

Because only in this way can the problem be solved quickly.

In fact, the situation of being "pinched" by children is much the same.

It is often the sacrifice of principles and the bottom line in exchange for the cooperation of children.

Saw a video online.

A girl asked her father to buy her a new mobile phone, but after being rejected, she sat in the sun on a hot day.

He also said: "If you can't get a new phone today, you will burn yourself to death." ”

At first, Dad angrily reprimanded her.

But after an hour of stalemate, he was really afraid that his child would suffer from heat stroke, so he dragged his daughter to the store and bought a new mobile phone.

I have to admit that after having children, parents have become temperless and soft-hearted. I know that I can't get used to it, but I only get used to it.

In the final analysis, it is nothing more than the emotional scale, and the nature of loving children has become the weight of the other party.

What is even more regrettable is that our concessions only temporarily let the child listen.

After all, when a child walks out of the house, no one will get used to him like his parents.

If you can't handle the baby, someone will naturally help you with it

A few days ago, I read a report about the "Foxconn assembly line".

In the article, Xiaohuang, a 19-year-old boy, left his hometown and dropped out of school to work before graduating from junior high school.

But he had just worked a day at Foxconn when he broke down to cry.

His job is not complicated, but he screws the screws to his phone with a screw gun.

But the screw gun weighs several pounds, and it is very difficult to hold it, and the screw is only half the size of a grain of rice, and it falls off when the hand shakes.

During the whole process, not only did there be no one to help, but the supervisor also came to a stinky curse at every turn.

After a few days of working, he quit, put all his belongings in a bucket, and continued to look for work.

Xiaohuang laughed at himself as a "bucket bearer", but the bitterness and confusion behind this are afraid that only he knows.

But he can't blame others, his parents and elders have advised him to study well, and it is he himself who wants to go out alive to make money.

Now, having learned the lesson, he finally understands that in this world, only his parents can't take him.

Yes, children can control their parents, but after walking out of the house, who can they control?

Parents are willing to compromise, but in society, who is willing to let whom?

On Zhihu, there is a popular question and answer.

"What will happen to the children who are used to being grown up."

Netizen @Afei's answer resonated a lot.

He said: "Since I was a child, my parents never dared to mess with me and listened to me in everything. But whenever I cried, they panicked. So, all along, I didn't learn if I didn't want to, and I did whatever I wanted. But now, I have no education, no ability, no job, no partner, and no social waste. ”

You see, this kind of child who can control his parents, when he grows up, can only be controlled by life.

If you can't get down, others can get down, you are reluctant to let your children suffer and live a good life.

The educator Makarenko said:

"Giving everything to the child, sacrificing everything for the sake of the child, this is the most terrible gift a parent can give to a child."

You know, in the treatment of children, your accommodation is not tolerance, and your compromise is not love.

Maybe you say, "I'm not coddling, there's just no way." ”

But the consequences of "being pinched" and doting and arrogance are no different.

It is to let children grow up wantonly and savagely, which will make them suffer in the future.

The education community has always believed that all children's problems are parents' problems.

At home, the spoiled child, the fundamental problem, or the parents.

If we don't want our children to be pinched by others, we can't be the parents who are pinched.

If you don't want to be pinched by the baby, you just have to do it

In a parent-child activity, I encountered such a thing.

That day, the boy Doudou and Miao Miao got together to play games.

Half an hour later, Mother Doudou grabbed her mobile phone and shouted at the child:

"You are not here to participate in the event, not to play games!"

Subsequently, Doudou also began to make trouble, crying and saying that he would go home immediately without playing with his mobile phone.

In order to make Doudou cooperate, the mother had to soften down and negotiate conditions with the child.

One moment agreed that after the activity, you can continue to play with your mobile phone, and the next you agree to eat a big meal and buy toys at noon.

In contrast, Miao Miao's mother's approach impressed me.

Miao Miao's mother did not stop her son immediately, but whispered next to her:

"Let's say okay, we can't look at our phones for more than half an hour a day, and we don't be unruly people."

"You also know that if you look at your phone for a long time, your eyes will break, and you definitely don't want to wear big glasses in the future."

"Let's join the event and see if we can find any fun like an adventure."

In fact, when her mother said the first sentence, Miao Miao put away her mobile phone.

It turns out that not wanting to be pinched by children is far less difficult than imagined.

We only need to do the following three things well, and we can turn passive into proactive.

(1) Parents keep the bottom line, and children abide by the rules.

There is such a passage in "Courage to Discipline":

"If there is a railing on the edge of the cliff, then people dare to lean on the railing and look down, because they will not be afraid to fall. Without the railing, everyone stopped far from the cliff, let alone stood on the edge of the cliff and looked down. ”

Security comes from railings, and railings are rules.

In the family, whether the rules can be abided by depends on whether the parents have a bottom line.

You know, things involving principles cannot form an exchange relationship with children.

If you promise your child pocket money for completing homework, what if you can't give it the next time he asks for a reward.

Therefore, parents must first guard the bottom line before they can let their children keep the rules.

(2) Parents will communicate, and conflicts will not intensify.

Why do we get angrier and angrier the more we talk to our children every time we talk?

Just like the beanie mother above, a few words can anger the child and force the child to make a killer move.

The reason is that we all start with ego, and we have only one purpose - to make children obedient.

But you see Miao Miao's mother, how to guide the child step by step?

She starts from the child's point of view and asks him to think about what kind of person you want to be, what impact it has on you, and how to do it better.

Parents can speak and guide in order to give children the strength to move upward.

(3) Parents have majesty, and rewards and punishments should be clearly distinguished.

Have you ever agreed on some "reward and punishment clauses" with your children?

For example, completing homework, getting good grades, what to reward; Get into trouble, do something wrong, and punish what.

Or, imitate the ancients to make a family rule, and then solemnly print it out and paste it at home.

We originally thought that we could look like elders in front of children and achieve the purpose of education through rewards and punishments.

But in fact, when children cry and play tricks, too many parents can't bear to punish, but use excessive rewards to appease.

Don't be at the age of discipline and be friends with your children.

Don't be soft when it's time to punish, so that you can become passive to proactive.

Write at the end

Parents are the most important travel companions in children's life journey.

Our relationship with our children has never been-for-tat, let alone who pinches whom.

The purpose of living together is to work together to become a better person.

Education is a flexible "force".

If you only show weakness without principle, it is a lack of strength in education.

Only by combining rigidity and softness can we use ingenuity to adapt to the rhythm of children's growth.

May our relationship with our children be a wonderful experience, not a war to win or lose.

Encourage parents and friends.