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Children are addicted to mobile phones, games, hand strings... Hold your horses! Parents can take the opportunity to cultivate self-discipline in their children

In the process of growing up, due to the influence of the surrounding environment, Internet culture and other factors, they are likely to be particularly addicted to some things at some stages, the most common is playing mobile phones, playing games, or a certain trend among their peers.

For example, some time ago, the media reported that many primary school students were fascinated by "pan hand skewers", and it once became a hot spot in society. Many parents are anxious about this, not only can't understand why their children like to "cross hands", but also worry that their children's "playthings will lose their will" and affect their studies.

So, it's hard to predict which things kids will be addicted to, but either way, it's not necessarily a bad thing! If parents have a rational and objective understanding of this and know how to deal with it scientifically, they can use their children's hobbies to guide them to cultivate self-discipline.

And if parents can do these 2 points in home education, children are more likely to become better.

First, when children are addicted to something, parents should not blindly stop it strongly, but learn to give children the right to choose.

Many parents don't realize that it's important to learn to let go and let their children make more choices, which can help children improve self-control.

There is an area of our brain called the prefrontal cortex, whose main function is to provide reasonable judgment and control impulses. It's like a source of our self-control, and whenever we have an impulse, it jumps out and tells us to "be sensible."

But unfortunately, it is almost not until a person is about 25 years old that the prefrontal cortex is fully mature. Therefore, before the age of 25, although our self-control is increasing, it is still relatively weak overall. This is also the reason why many children and adolescents cannot focus on studying for a long time, and it is easy to give up halfway in doing things, especially addicted to things that can immediately get pleasure.

Children are addicted to mobile phones, games, hand strings... Hold your horses! Parents can take the opportunity to cultivate self-discipline in their children

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However, if parents consciously "exercise" their children, their self-control is more likely to improve. The key to this "exercise" is to allow children to have full autonomy and learn to make their own choices.

Dr. William Stixrud, a well-known clinical psychologist in the United States and a member of the National Children's Medical Center, once proposed that when children make their own choices, the prefrontal cortex of the brain can be better activated. It is a learning process of making rational choices in the face of temptation. For children, every independent choice is actually an exercise.

At first, children are likely to be tempted to make irrational choices, resulting in relatively less than ideal results, and children can feel the difference, and some results may even make them feel uncomfortable and sad. Out of the animal instinct of "seeking benefits and avoiding harm", children will slowly learn to resist temptation and make more rational choices, and their self-control will gradually be cultivated.

Therefore, when children are addicted to certain behaviors and indulge in instant happiness, parents can first understand their children, and then guide them to realize that there are other important things to do, and then give their children certain choices:

Do you want to learn first or play first?

If you play first, how long do you play to learn?

How to allocate time reasonably so that you can play and learn at the same time?

Wait a minute.

Perhaps many parents do not agree with this plan, they think that children should "learn first, then play", and must first finish and do important things well before they can have fun. This kind of thinking often comes from the simple idea of the previous generation of "hard work, bitter first and then sweet".

The intentions of this idea are good, but if parents force their children to accept it, and do not know how to respect and listen to their children's hearts, it will actually do more harm than good. Children not only do not really develop a good character of hard work, but also easily affect the learning state and mood, resulting in a series of problems.

We have seen a teenager diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she is the "child king", always leading a group of friends in the compound to play together, very happy. But when she went to elementary school, her mother asked her to write her homework after school before she could go out to play.

But the other children in the compound played for a while before going home to do their homework. So, every time she wrote her homework, she always heard laughter from the yard. She is very envious and anxious in her heart, always wanting to write her homework quickly, and then she can play with her friends.

Her heart has long flown to cloud nine, and her attention when writing homework is naturally not enough and her study efficiency is low. And by the time she finished her homework, her friends had already gone home, and no one was playing with her, and she felt very lonely.

Slowly, as soon as she learned, she became irritable, could not sit still, developed serious learning disabilities, interpersonal relationships were not as good as when she used to be the "child king", the relationship with her parents became worse and worse, and gradually developed emotional problems.

Therefore, parents should not blindly think that their views and practices are correct, as long as they do not break through the principles, the choice of many things is not absolutely good or bad, mainly depends on how parents deal with and guide, and take into account the child's feelings and ideas.

Now some parents' educational concepts are more up-to-date with the times. They can understand the psychology of children who want to play after school, "After being supervised by the teacher for a day at school, it is actually normal to want to play after school and relax and relax."

Some parents also found that their children ran wildly in the community and yard after school, their bodies were exercised, their brains were relaxed, and their learning state was better. So they instead encourage their children to play after school. Of course, the premise is that the child is willing to abide by the agreement and consciously go home when the time comes, which is actually a manifestation of self-control.

Some parents may say that playing first or learning first after school is a small matter. But there are some things, the child is still young, does not know the world, can not tell which choice behind what means, in case the child chooses a decision that does more harm than good, then what to do?

That's the second point we want to make:

Parents can first analyze the pros and cons behind each choice with their children, and then let their children make their own choices within the scope they can afford; Finally, regardless of the outcome, especially if the result is not ideal, parents should guide their children to review carefully and learn to take some responsibility for the choices they make.

Children are addicted to mobile phones, games, hand strings... Hold your horses! Parents can take the opportunity to cultivate self-discipline in their children

Image from the Internet

In fact, children are not stupid, they enter childhood, after rational thinking begins to germinate, when they make choices, they often try to analyze the pros and cons behind each choice, and finally make the decision they feel is the most appropriate.

It's just that children lack life experience and lack sufficient information understanding and rational analysis of many things, so the pros and cons they consider may be short-term and immediate. At this time, parents can properly intervene and analyze with their children.

If the child can understand the parents' in-depth analysis, realize that in the long run, a certain choice has more advantages than disadvantages, and finally chooses it, parents can give the child a timely affirmation and recognize that their choice is more rational. This is actually the process by which children learn to analyze things more deeply and make more rational judgments.

If the child cannot fully understand the long-term, esoteric analysis, or wants to choose according to his own wishes, then I hope that parents must still respect the child. However, parents can remind their children that they may encounter difficulties, and when they encounter them, they can find ways to actively solve them, and if necessary, they can seek help from parents.

Finally, when the child's choice has different results, parents should guide the child to conduct an in-depth "review".

If the result is in line with the child's expectations, it proves that the choice made by the child is more rational, and the child can see the pros and cons behind it, which is a good thing. Parents should learn to give their children timely and concrete affirmations, which can also form positive feedback for children and help children better resist temptation.

If the results are not ideal, parents should tell their children not to be afraid to make mistakes, not to regret and deny themselves, and not to shift the responsibility to the outside world and others. We must bravely assume corresponding responsibilities, learn from our mistakes, find our own shortcomings in time, and self-reflect, change and improve.

Although we make mistakes, we feel very uncomfortable and lose something, which is the "cost of trial and error" and a necessary stage on everyone's way to true success. As long as we improve and improve, the cost is nothing.

Learn to take responsibility for your choices, learn to be rational, face setbacks positively, and turn bad things into good things, which many adults have not learned. I hope that parents will also deeply reflect on themselves.

Of course, if sometimes the choices that children want to make break through the bottom line of their parents, such as wanting to endanger their own safety, wanting to borrow a large amount of money, etc., this is obviously irrational, and the consequences are unbearable for parents, and parents should strictly stop it.

At this time, it may cause a lot of parent-child conflicts, but parents better not hold on to the fluke mentality and let the child do it. After the child's emotions are relatively calm, parents then use the three steps of benign communication - empathy, listening, and active guidance to guide the child to return to rationality.

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