Verbally abused by her husband in the delivery room, the self-redemption of a new mother

Recently, a suffocating video circulated on the Internet, a man cursing his wife after a cesarean section in the delivery room: "Are you brainless? "You're going to cry me again?" Dead mother crying! ”

The person who filmed the video said the man cursed for three hours before stopping. During the period, a nurse came to dissuade: "Don't talk about her, she just finished the operation, and the incision still hurts!" The man immediately choked: "She hurts her to death!" ”

It's hard to imagine that this is what a husband said to a mother who had just given birth and had surgery.

For this mother, the damage caused by a cesarean section can recover over time, but being scolded by her husband for three hours just after giving birth may leave a shadow in her heart.

Such extreme examples make us think: Is it really because young mothers are too vulnerable to postpartum discomfort? Hoping that dads will participate in raising children and taking care of their wives can only be wishful thinking for mothers?

Or is it that what mothers experience in childbirth, perhaps fathers cannot empathize, but should be understood and respected.

01

There is a desperation called becoming a new mother

Women face a variety of discomforts and risks from the beginning of pregnancy, manifested as morning sickness, fatigue, ectopic pregnancy in the first trimester, and organ compression, nausea and vomiting, and decreased bladder function in the second and third trimesters.

After giving birth, this discomfort does not disappear, but brings more tension and anxiety.

Some mothers have to get up five or six times a night to take care of their children, and they can't get a full night's sleep for months; Some mothers can easily fall into loneliness and sadness, and shed tears for no reason.

According to statistics, the incidence of postpartum depression is 15%~30%, which is 4 times that of ordinary women suffering from depression. This is both because of the difficulty of parenting for new mothers and the impact of postpartum estrogen disorders.

In addition, women who have been raising children at home for a long time may also undergo changes in appearance, image and temperament, causing mothers to become sensitive and unconfident.

The TV series "Mother's Daily" restores the heart-wrenching process of young mothers bringing their babies alone, which has aroused strong resonance with countless mothers.

The mother in the play just put the child to sleep and wanted to eat a bite of food, but heard the child crying in bed, so she had to hold the baby with one hand and eat with the other.

The child was sick, but the husband was out entertaining, and the mother had no way to ask for help, so she had to carry the child to the doctor in the middle of the night.

I finally got home and wanted to talk to my husband, but I didn't expect to receive a text message from my husband, saying that I would not come back tonight. This became the last straw that broke her and made her cry in tears.

Chen Weijun, the director of the documentary "Shengmen", said: "People say that childbirth is a matter of two people, a husband and a wife, but in fact, it is a woman who really faces everything. ”

In reality, women often bear the physical and psychological pressure brought about by childbirth, and also sacrifice their work and life time, and transfer their own energy to their children.

Once you encounter a situation where the "pig teammates" are not effective, the already difficult parenting life will be even worse.

02

Before having a baby, exchange husband and wife role expectations

Some people say, "After giving birth, you know that you are marrying a person or a ghost." ”

After many couples have a baby, the emotional relationship has reached a freezing point, the wife feels that the husband is not as good to him as before, and the husband feels that the wife is not as understanding as in the past.

This is because the couple's expectations of the role are biased: the husband naturally wants his wife to be able to participate in the family, take care of the children, and not let himself worry; The wife feels that childcare should be the responsibility of two people, and hopes that the husband will also invest time and energy.

In fact, each family has its own division of labor, not all families must be "male in the outside, female in the inside", as long as the division of labor that is responsible for family members and beneficial to the family as a whole is reasonable.

However, no matter what kind of relationship mode and parenting division of labor are chosen, these should be communicated before deciding to have children, rather than complaining and arguing with each other after the birth of children.

The wife of my colleague Mr. Li has been working in foreign companies for many years, and he works at school and has relatively free time.

When the couple decided to have a child, they discussed that Teacher Li would be responsible for the child's life care, as well as the transportation and study guidance after school. His wife was busy with work and higher wages, so she continued to develop in the company and focus on her career.

Today, their child is in the third grade of elementary school, and the couple has never quarreled over the division of childcare.

Professor Shen Yifei, a sociology major at Fudan University, said: "Modern families are not marked by marriage, but by having children. It is only when couples raise children together that their lives really change. ”

This shows the important impact of parenting on marriage, if the husband and wife are not fully prepared for the role, it is likely to break the long-term peaceful marriage relationship.

03

Mom's confidence determines Dad's temper

After the incident of "a man cursing his wife for caesarean section", some netizens asked: "How do you view this behavior?" What problems are reflected? ”

Gao Zan replied: "This fully shows that the wife has no status at home." ”

Indeed, if this mother is financially independent at home, has the right to speak, and has the ability to confront her husband, she may not let her husband scold for three hours, but she can't say a word, she can only cry silently.

This also tells all women in marriage that the temper and attitude of others are uncontrollable, even the closest people around them, do not rely too much, let alone put their fate on the moral level of others.

If women want to achieve equal status in marriage, they must be independent and self-loving, and have the strength to be respected.

Tie Ning, president of the China Writers Association and author of the novel "Rose Gate", has made remarkable achievements in the field of literature and art, but she remained single when she was young, and she only entered marriage at the age of 50.

She once said firmly in an interview: "I'd rather not have it than a makeshift marriage." ”

Until 2007, she married the famous economist Watson. The two were very affectionate after marriage and often participated in charity activities together, and when Tie Ning was questioned because of his identity as the chairman of the association, Watson also stood up for the first time to explain and protect him.

A good marriage relationship is like a chess match, evenly matched, women do not need to give up their dreams and careers because of the strength of their other half, nor do they need to whisper in order to accommodate each other.

To do this, women must also have their own careers, be financially independent, and strive to achieve self-worth.

As Li Yinhe said, "Although the concept of men dominating women has long been far from the vision and attention of society, its power is omnipresent." ”

Today, such ideas still exist in the delivery room, in the family, around the wine table, and still plague many new mothers and women of all ages.

However, women are not subordinate to their husbands, nor are they all about their children, and women can and should have their own free life.

All we can do is do our best to make ourselves strong and have the ability to choose the life we deserve.