Recently, a scholar wrote a 10,000-word long article exposing himself that he had blackmailed his parents for many years and did not return home during the Spring Festival in 12 years, and attributed the root cause of his break with his family to his parents' "excessive care" for himself since childhood.
What has been pushed to the forefront of public opinion is not only a "problem family", but also the current Chinese family education that is often talked about. The starting point is love, why is the end a grudge? What is Healthy Homeschooling? Read this article and look in the mirror.
What does a third-rate mother do as a nanny, a second-rate mother as a coach, and a first-rate mother look like?
Leaving aside the right and wrong of this sentence, no matter what kind of mother, whether it is a "role model", a "coach", or a "nanny", there is a common problem to face:
How to deal with your own emotional problems.
1
The mother's emotions are extremely important to the child, and the mother's personality and temper will directly affect the child's psychological development.
The mother has a gentle personality, the child's temperament also tends to be peaceful, and the inner world is stable;
If the mother is irritable and moody, the child is also impetuous, emotional in the face of things, and it is easy to do things.
Therefore, controlling emotions is an important lesson that you need to learn to be a modern mother.
◆ The first word to learn is "virtual"
Many mothers are shrewd, can see their children's problems at a glance, and can't help but point out quickly that this is not the connotation of motherhood.
When you see the strengths and weaknesses of your child, mothers should not react immediately. Why not move, because the child needs space to grow on its own, the mother's casual and excessive evaluation, often make the child lose the inner motivation, and care more about the mother's reaction.
Some parents wonder:
Children are very good in front of others, as soon as they return home, as soon as they see their mother, they change into another person, becoming impatient and incomprehensible.
Why this is so, it may be that this "virtual" is not done well.
Mothers who cannot be silent and cannot be virtual cannot provide a space for their children's emotions.
The child's emotions are not tolerated by the mother's emotions, and they either become cautious or confrontational, and the parent-child relationship is difficult to smooth.
◆ The second word to learn is: "weak"
Mothers should learn to show "weakness" in front of their children.
It is difficult for a strong mother's child to be confident, and the child's self-confidence will be weakened a little in the state where the mother has always been strong.
The mother who can show weakness in front of the child is actually to realize the child's support through the show of weakness, and the child's heart will gradually become confident and strong.
Therefore, if you want your child to be confident, you must learn to show weakness in front of your child.
Parents who have always been strong on their children are actually suppressing their children's growth and development.
◆ The third word to learn is: "Soft"
In the process of growing up, the real educational power of a mother lies in "softness".
You will find that the softer the mother, sometimes the stronger the ability to drive the child, the more the mother who pulls the voice all day to the child, it is often difficult to pick up the burden of really guiding and driving the child.
2
Every parent attaches importance to their children's learning, but where should the parents' mentality be placed?
Please do not rush to enroll in classes, rush to find tutors, and rush to find some method-level things to solve children's learning problems.
Family education is more about nurturing than teaching. We need to interpret the following two words in particular: one is love, and the other is etiquette.
Education needs to be courteous, which is a principle that parents must abide by when educating their children.
Teaching is infallible, and the methods needed to treat children from different families and children's different stages of growth are definitely different. But there is a common principle to pay attention to, that is, to have affection and courtesy, and affection is in front of etiquette.
What is the current state of homeschooling?
It is rude and rude, and parents love their children very much.
When caring for a child, even the child's socks must be worn and washed for him (children who are already old enough).
Is this called love? This love has lost the value of education.
Another status quo is that it is polite and ruthless, especially when parents reason with their children, there is no emotional foreshadowing.
Education at any level is, first of all, to convey to the educated the true inner feelings of the educator himself. Feelings are enough, and when the child is eager for us to say something, the parents will point out the reason.
It must be when the emotional communication reaches a certain level that the child will take the initiative to say: "Mom, what should I do?" At this time, a small truth has passed, and it is possible to achieve a kind of guidance ability brought to children.
3
◆ Whether parents are anxious or not is more terrible than if their children have learning problems
It is not terrible for children to have learning problems, but it is a source of interference that causes children to be uneasy. That is to say, the child's inner basic level of support is chaotic, which is the most terrible thing.
Parents must have the ability of emotional self-control, when the child has a problem, you should not be impatient, calm down first, adjust your emotions, and then face the problem.
How to achieve self-regulation and management of emotions is a deep-seated question for parents.
"Only with a calm heart can it be possible to precipitate and absorb the rational thinking of education."
Only when our parents' hearts are calmed down, can we precipitate the educators' rational thinking about education into their hearts and precipitate them into a state of their own.
Without this process, it is impossible to internalize it into a state of oneself, and any educational idea you read is invalid.
Because you can't internalize and precipitate, you can't have the capital to implement education, and you can't take the things of education experts to achieve in your own family.
◆ The space for family education must be left to children
If family education wants to do well, what should be done is at both ends, one is the father, the other is the mother, the middle section, the growth of any child is completed in a meandering process, this space should be left to the child, do not care about it.
First-class parents rely on release, parents who do not understand education rely on management, managing children is one hundred percent failure, and releasing children has fifty percent success.
The family that grabs the child every day jumps into the wrong space, this space is completed by each child independently, but many parents participate in this space and stare at it, pull it out, don't let him manage it, don't let him manage it, don't let him manage it, there is nothing else to manage.
Some parents say, do you let me let it go?
Let you go is not to ignore, is to let you stand in your role. It is necessary to maintain the child's emotions, rather than being too involved in the child's behavioral level.
Too much involvement means that we are making mistakes unconsciously and conscientiously.
◆ Parents' educational energy should be enough to ignite their children's enthusiasm for learning
When a person loses enthusiasm for learning, even the best IQ can not be said to play well.
Some parents say that their children are not performing well and are not studying well. In fact, "it is better to seek others than to seek oneself, and it is better to seek oneself than to study."
The biggest feature of Chinese culture is inward vision, "University" talks about "right heart, then sincerity", whose heart is right? Straighten out the heart of the parent, and then straighten the heart of the child.
In fact, temperament determines the child's learning differences, and the child's temperament is a temperament that the parents' state slowly internalizes to them, just like our professional habits.
If a parent's heart is always in a state of indifference and impetuosity, any educational idea that falls on his psychological side is like a ping-pong ball bouncing back, and the child is the same.
The emotions of parents nurture the emotions and temperament of children's learning.
To start the energy of family education, we must first activate the natural emotions circulating in the hearts of parents and children.
The power of emotions and emotions between our parents and children must reach the level of "blazing". Blazing is hot, hot enough to grill a child's heart.
What to take to shape the child's heart and shape the child's temperament is to take the appropriate affection of our parents.
4
At present, many children are not lacking in talent, but insufficient in love and vague in righteousness.
Parents are the greatest enlighteners of children's love and righteousness, and if the enlightenment power of your piece is lost, it will definitely be a pity for the performance of children's talents.
Family education is the return of true feelings and the watch and inheritance of culture, family education can no longer stand at the level of methods and technology to toss, should stand in the space of culture and philosophy to examine.
All parents are carriers of culture, and the temperament of children cultivated by different family cultures is different.
Culture is the banner of education, the highest point of education is culture, culture and transformation, without speaking, children's hearts are influenced by us, and at the same time produce another kind of vitality.
The cultivation and improvement of parents' own educational quality is only the beginning of realizing the function of family education.
The logic of children's hearts is different from the logical thinking that we adults observe in our hearts, and there is a conflict. But their logic is not necessarily bad, and we need to develop, face, and guide.
What we have to ask is:
Do we have enough education reserves?
Is our homeschooling energy enough?
Are we educated enough?
"Fish farming focuses on raising water, raising trees is important in raising roots, and raising people is important in nourishing the heart." In education, the power of methods is limited, what parents really lack in educating their children, what is really lacking is not methods, but states, and the educational state of parents.
Now there are many mothers whose rationality makes me feel more terrible, when talking about children, there is a lack of emotional foundation, lack of emotional support.
This rationality of the mother is terrible in educating the child. There is a distance between father and education, and there is no terrible distance, but the father should show his position in the space of family education and express clearly what the spiritual orientation of the child at home is.
The best state of education lies in the word "nurture". Family education is about raising, not teaching.
Now the children's learning problems, a variety of problems can be summarized as the lack of mental strength, the lack of enthusiasm for learning in the heart. Fish farming focuses on raising water, raising trees is important in raising roots, and raising people is important in nourishing the heart.
If a child's heart is not maintained at home and cannot be effectively nourished, there is no basis for the intelligence of talent; no matter how high the IQ is, without proper and corresponding mental support, it is difficult for talent to play.
Let's not talk about the child's heart, let's first look at the person who raises the child's heart, that is, the parent's heart is not suitable for raising the child, or how to achieve the state of raising the child.
How to ignite the child's inner enthusiasm for learning, ignition requires a certain temperature, and a certain state is needed to ignite. If the parent's heart is cold, numb or anxious, it is difficult for us to ignite the enthusiasm of the child to learn.
When facing your child regardless of the state of occurrence, remember:
As a parent, keep your emotions at peace, this is your greatest education for your child!
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