How do couples get along? Lovers are easy to get angry, what to do?

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Editor's note: Wang Xisheng is a descendant of Qu Zixue, who has been teaching and tempering for a long time, and is good at using beads and witty words to enlighten the body and mind, and every word is not far from the fundamentals. "Making Use of Classic Q&A Transcripts: Enterprise Chapters" is a true record of the questions and answers at the scene of each issue of the sharing activity of "Wen YiHua Enterprise". On the surface, it looks like a problem of the enterprise, but in fact, "self-cultivation, family unity, governance of the country, and peace in the world" are one. Therefore, the book will cover a lot of issues related to personal physical and mental growth, as well as the relationship between husband and wife, children's education and so on. Sorting out these questions and extracting the essence can make the reader look at each other and think in thought.

【Q】How do couples get along? The lover is easy to be angry, is it to indulge her, or to tolerate her, or some other option? (Laughter)

[A] Who mentioned this? Would you like to annotate it? Hands up, very brave! Thank you for your cooperation!

[Q] I mentioned it.

Answer: Well, I see you! (Laughter) What do you add? Be specific.

[Q] Sometimes when I go back, she asks me to do this and that, and often make some complaints. Sometimes when I ignore her, she gets angry easily. So, is it better to indulge her, or to tolerate her, or is it better to have other options? (Laughter)

A: What are the so-called "other options"? Is it for me to realize for myself? (Laughter)

【Q】Other options are to listen to Teacher Wang's high opinion.

[A] Oh, well said! (Laughter, applause) Please sit. Don't take the microphone first, and interaction. So far, have you ever had the urge to break up and say, "But leave her!" "Is there such a thought?

[Q] No, she still loves me very much, but... (Laughter)

[A] So do you love her?

[Q] This is also a must! (Laughter) I'm just talking on the surface, but I still love her inside!

[A] Look! All the quarrels that do not have the purpose of divorce are actually showing love! (Laughter) She loves you too, and you love her. Okay, you can sit down now and take the microphone away. (Laughter)

Let's talk about that. Because the two get along, it is the highlight of Confucian learning. In the Middle Way, it is said: "The way of a gentleman is to create a husband and wife." "Gentlemen" should learn this great path, learn the Heavenly Dao, learn the authenticity, learn the humanity, learn the laws of heaven, earth, and man, where to start? What is the first step? Confucius clearly said that from the beginning of the relationship between husband and wife, it is from the beginning of the life of two mouths, so that two mouths will be two mouths.

Two or three days ago, a traditional culture wedding was held in this place. I received an "urgent assignment" on an impromptu basis and took the stage to give them a witness to the marriage. When I was married, I focused on this matter. In the face of the two couples, I said, "You have obtained the certificate, and it proves that you are a legal couple, but I hope that you are not only legal, but also the best way." What is the Tao of Harmony? It's the middle way. ”

The first lesson of the Middle Way is that two mouths will be two mouths. The so-called "will be two mouths" is your union, first of all, a kind of fate, whether it is free love, or introduced by people, "not a family, do not enter a door." You look at each other, you are satisfied, you are willing to live with him, you have to remember the first moment of moving thoughts. No matter how much wind and rain you experience, how many setbacks you suffer, it doesn't matter whether he is angry or how, in the end, you must return to your original intention, back to the scene of "people about dusk, the moon on the willow head". Once you get back here, no matter who loses your temper with whom, your heart will suddenly soften. When the heart is soft, it will not fight each other. At this time, there is naturally a kind of heartache in it, you can understand, since we got married (for example, you are a man), my wife has cooked for me, washed for me, helped me take care of the elderly, and had children... Do you have children now?

Q: Yes.

[Answer] Yes! You see, is it easy to have a baby? Is it a vaginal birth, is it a caesarean section? I don't mean gossip. (Laughter)

【Q】 Smooth delivery.

【Answer】 Smooth delivery! Then you think about it, they all say that you don't know how painful it is not to have a child, you are not pregnant in October, and you don't know how difficult it is to carry such a burden on your abdomen every day in that process! — Be considerate of her efforts and be grateful for her efforts. Think of it from this perspective, and you will naturally accept all her attitudes. She talks to you a few times, complains, and finally you will find that she does not really have an opinion about you, but is actually asking for attention, love, praise, hugs (laughter)... At this time, the best way is not to explain anything, let alone to fight, not to quarrel, but to look at her with a smile, let her be angry, angry, coddled, coddled... All are allowed.

In the next step, cultural people and non-cultural people have different approaches. Non-literate people, who have not studied culture, have a line - "Don't biè talk, kiss me!" (Laughter) directly a bear hug, and then lips printed, "Look at your lips, scold me for half a day, all scolded white, give you a little red." Those who have not studied culture can use this relatively simple and direct way.

Having studied culture, we have talked about an effective way to deal with it in the teacher class, that is, to see her angry, I am very happy in my heart, and then smile and say to her: "Oh, I am angry again!" Don't you love me? Don't you really love me? Oh dear! Then a hug, then a few "stamps," and that's it.

(Laughter) In short, don't be violent, don't fight each other. Because she is the person who has been with you for the longest time in your life; she may be the most dedicated to you besides your parents. The two sons live together, get along day and night, and share a bed, which is a very deep fate. Some people say, "Ten years of repair to the same boat, a hundred years to repair the bunk beds"! (Laughter) The bunk bed turned into a chase shop, which is not easy! Cherish her, hurt her, and don't have to do anything else.

What I just said is a section of the performance in a skit. This proved to work. Because whoever hears it, it feels particularly funny. People who are angry again, when they hear such a funny statement, will "flutter" and make a sound. Don't believe me, go home today, you try.

If the other half of your family is angry with you, "Come back so late every day, don't go to work later!" At this time, you look at him, think about the scene where I am talking to you now, and then, from the bottom of your heart, say, "Oh, I'm angry again!" Don't you love me anymore? Don't you really love me? Oh dear! (Laughter, applause)

Tried and tested! No matter how big the contradiction is, it cannot stand up to this set of cultural and military handling methods. You try!

Sometimes when our teacher class students return home, they will inevitably be unhappy and throw tantrums at their other half, who have not studied traditional culture. When the other person has not yet overheard my recording, they usually react like this: "Tut... Heck, you're still studying traditional culture! You've been to a teacher's class! You look, you see, that's how you learn traditional culture? That's how you got into the teacher's class? After you go out, you are not allowed to say that you are a student of Teacher Wang! Tell me Teacher Wang by phone, I want to complain to you! (Laughter) It's generally like this.

Some students put the recording at home, and after being overheard by the other half, they will use it in reverse. When the students in the teacher class are angry, the family will also say, "Oh, Angry again!" Don't you love me anymore? Don't you really love me? Oh dear! Some children have learned that when mom and dad quarrel, the children say, "Oh, quarrel again!" Don't you love me? Don't you really love me? Oh dear! (Kiss Daddy, Kiss Mommy) Mm-hmm, uh-huh! In the end, contradictions, conflicts, including embarrassment, are easily resolved.

This is the way of getting along in traditional culture, no matter how angry the other party is, my heart should not be taken away by him, and my heart should not be stirred up by him. I was very calm, I loved him very much, and I couldn't hurt each other because of his temporary change in attitude. He stabbed me, I shot him another arrow, and then pulled it out, "Oh, no, I shouldn't have stabbed you from this angle just now, I'll change the angle and do it again"! Don't pull each other in this way and hurt each other frequently.

So, you ask your lover if he is angry, whether he condones her, or tolerates her, or whatever, in fact, you are right! First of all, indulge her and allow her to vent her emotions, otherwise she will be very uncomfortable in her heart. Unless she already knows that when she encounters an unbalanced mentality, she will be able to digest herself and "turn everything to zero". When she can't make it, allow her to vent. What can be dissolved, what cannot be dissolved, must be vented, otherwise it will be sick and will really hurt the body. When we learn traditional culture, we first digest it in our hearts and treat her with a broad mind.

There is a mystery in this, and I will tell you two words. You see how the angry "rage" is written? A "woman", a "and", and a "heart" at the bottom. Oh, "Angry again!" The key is "again". The meaning of "again" is to repeat, repeat, and repeat, very frequently. So now, we take this "again" and replace it with another word, a "mouth" swallows a "again", and this "anger" becomes "forgiveness".

What does "forgiveness" mean? Everyone understands that "forgiveness" can be tolerated and considerate. "Angry" is not afraid, afraid that you will not "forgive"; she "and" angry is not afraid, afraid that your kiss will not follow in time. She "gets angry again" and you "kiss" her again; she gets angry again, you kiss her again; when she gets angry, when you kiss her. It's "I love you for whatever you say", isn't there a network term? I love you as always, I love you to death, I love you when I die—that's all. Well, all the problems will no longer be problems. After a few times, she became familiar with your routine, and as soon as you said "Oh," she would say, "I'm angry again, don't I love you anymore..." She herself is on this track.

Summarized in practice, a hundred tests are not satisfactory, for your reference.

This article is excerpted from "Making Use of Classic Q&A Transcripts and Enterprises"

- END -

The copyright of the article belongs to the author, and the views expressed in the article do not represent the publisher and are for reference only.

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