Want to hear the truth? In my opinion, there is no optimal time to save, if you are determined to save, then it is not too late.
You may feel that time has dragged on, the other party will have a new love; or just broke up, you have done a lot of wrong behavior, so that the other party is more and more repulsive to you, you feel that there is no hope; or it is not easy to have a turnaround, but you are afraid that you are not ready, so you dare not come forward...
But in fact, these questions are not "timing" problems, but questions that you are not ready for. In other words, even if I create a "best moment" for you now, with your current preparation, can you really grasp it and not waste it?
Therefore, I have always believed that to save this matter, the most taboo is to "temporarily hold the Buddha's feet". Redemption really requires you to prepare in advance and take it seriously, even if you don't know what to do now, it is good to plan in advance. Only when you are ready for all the redemption, your mental stability will not collapse, and your emotional management is lax and unwilling to spend time and energy to work hard, you can seize the opportunity.
So how do you plan ahead? Based on my years of counseling experience, both men and women go through the following four stages of mindset change after a breakup:
A period of time, he is still in the long-backlog of negative emotions, do not think that the other party proposed to break up and immediately came out of the backlog of negative emotions and dissatisfaction, not so fast, this process lasts at least a month.
Because man is, after all, an inertial and emotional animal. Accepting separation, accepting the gradual stabilization of emotions, all take a while. Moreover, the matter of breaking up, whether it is the party who mentions the breakup or the party who is broken up, is actually a kind of denial. So at this stage, they are still "sullen".
Compared with the first period, the ta in this period is much better emotionally, in other words, the ta has even begun to retaliate against the "release of self".
It may be that the long-suppressed needs and emotions can be released and allowed to be released, so this period ta will behave particularly high, a lao tzu finally out of the sea of suffering, this period of them, nothing more than very selfish, is determined, will not take care of you at all.
The degree of pain and pleasure that a person obtains is directly proportional. How joyful the early stage is, how lost this period will be. This loss is not only loneliness, but also a loss brought about by the feeling of being abandoned.
You will definitely ask, obviously the other party broke up with me, how can he still be lost? It's certain that people will have emotional needs at all times. For example, the need to be accompanied, recognized, concerned, etc., once the state of love stops, then these needs must be suddenly broken, and it is inevitable that there will be loss.
At this stage, in general, they will slowly accept reality and will look at their past relationship more rationally. Because at this stage, no matter what the outcome of the matter, they have slowly come out of that emotional inertia. Man gradually returns from sensibility to a rational state.
Therefore, for the above four periods, we can make specific countermeasures to deal with the rescue measures.
For example, just broke up, the other party is definitely in a "resentment release stage", that first month or so, your approach should be to accept the other party's resentment, do not rush to redeem, do not give the other party pressure, do your best to tolerate the other party's emotions.
At this time, the more you show a strong sense of need, the stronger the other party's resistance will be, they will think that you continue to demand and suppress them, they are naturally strong when they are strong, and it will be easier to push you away.
Secondly, when the other party reaches the second stage, you should not disturb the other party too much, but do a good job of displaying and attracting value, cultivate a constant relationship, such as becoming a friend first, or becoming the best audience first, etc., to dispel the other party's defensive psychology.
When the other party's emotions are almost released, that is, the other party has reached the "loss stage", you can launch a salvage offensive, such as appropriate pressure, because you have not given pressure in the first two stages, so this stage needs to wind up the other party's brain, appropriate persecution, sometimes there will be unexpected effects.
The second is demand guidance, remembering that your purpose is to let the other party choose you again, so you must know how to give value to each other, and the resource replacement is in place to complete the stability of the long-term relationship.
Although this sentence is more realistic, it is also a truth, you need to meet some expectations of the other party, such as what kind of person he wants you to become, or what kind of value he wants to get from you, etc. Only when you meet the emotional needs of the other party, he may be willing to reunite with you.
Otherwise, if the expectations are biased, and the other party still feels that you are not suitable for him, then he will only quickly enter the last stage of sanity and give up the relationship.
So got it? The best time to save is to do what you should do at each point in time, and then take the right measures, then the recovery is a matter of course, if you don't know how to judge the other party at what stage, you can also talk to me.
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C