Source| Small Ten Points (ID: sdikid)
A thinker once said:
"What kind of person a child ends up with depends largely on the quality of the love, companionship, and role model he receives from the first educator."
The child's first educator is the "parent", and the child's first learning scenario takes place in the "family".
I once read an article published by the People's Daily, "Education Reform Must Start from Family Education", which put forward the five-level theory of parents, which made me think:
"Exactly, what kind of parents does the child want?"
01
Level 1:
Willing to spend money for children
With the improvement of people's material living standards, more and more parents are willing to spend money on their children.
Even the child has every request, but the child has no gratitude.
For children, just being willing to spend money on their children is the lowest level of children's needs, and it is also the lowest level of parental performance.
Parents have only material coddling for their children, which is essentially an escape from education by parents.
The absence of parents in the early stages of their children's growth, even if no amount of material rewards can make up for the lack of children's hearts.
Only truly effective companionship is the most valuable gift for children.
02
Level 2:
Willing to spend time for children
Sometimes adults always feel that it is enough to let the children eat and wear warm, and give a good material life.
In fact, these are far from enough.
There is a sentence in the book "Poor Dad, Rich Dad": "The so-called success is to have time to take care of their children." ”
For children, exquisite clothes and expensive toys are not as good as the company of parents and mothers.
There was once a debate topic in "Strange Story" that discussed:
"Do you agree that dads should cancel dad titles when they spend no more than 12 hours a week with their children?"
At the same time, the program team also interviewed some children.
The children gave a unanimous answer: "Disagree." ”
Because the children know in their hearts that their parents are very busy at work, they have no time to accompany themselves, so they try to make themselves sensible.
But ah, can we choose to ignore the "companionship of parents" that children really desire because they are "busy" and because of their children's "understanding"?
Don't wait for your child to grow up, when you have a disagreement with us, or even when you can't communicate, only to suddenly realize that you have missed the important moments of your child's growth.
As Yan Rujing said: "You can make up for the serial drama if you don't watch it, but the child's life cannot be made up." ”
There is always a squeeze of time, money cannot be earned, work cannot be done, but the child's growth is only once.
And accompanying children, 12 hours is not the standard answer, only we really put in the effort, is the best gift to children.
Because, the title of parent is not deserved, but won with heart.
03
Third level:
Start thinking about the goals of education
What are the goals of education?
I believe that many parents have ignored this important issue in the process of their children's growth.
Remember a cartoon of the 2016 Henan Provincial Language College Entrance Examination Essay?
The first test: the boy on the left scored 100 points, was kissed, and the child smiled; the boy on the right scored 55 points, was slapped, and cried and mourned;
Second exam: The boy on the left was slapped with a 98 points; the boy on the right scored 61 and was kissed.
Parents often use grades as the sole measure of their children:
It is the "good boy" whose grades have improved, and the "bad boy" whose grades have regressed.
In fact, the score is only a way to check the child's learning, and it does not measure the child's full ability, nor can it detect the child's character.
As parents, we should learn to appreciate our children with a developmental vision, and expect their children's "morality, intelligence, physical fitness, and beauty" to go hand in hand.
This is the goal of education that we should strive for, and it is also the goal that all sectors of society should strive for.
04
Level 4:
Improve yourself in order to educate your children
I once heard such a sentence:
"The family is the photocopier, the parents are the originals, the children are the copies.
If there is a problem with the photocopy, then we must go back to the original to find the problem. ”
What you look like, the child is like.
The words and deeds of parents, whether good or bad, have subtly completed the shaping of the three views of the child's early growth.
The author Jia Rongtao recorded the growth story of himself and his son in the book "Changing Children First Change Themselves":
The son is a deep Internet addicted teenager, the first in academic performance, many times involved in fights and brawls at school, and even dissuaded twice by the school.
As a father, Jia Rongtao was naturally anxious, so he beat and scolded his son, and even went to school to make trouble.
But the son is still going his own way, and he deliberately spends the night in the Internet café, completely ignoring his father's bitter education.
Jia Rongtao was originally an entrepreneur, and when he saw his child become like this, he shut down the company without hesitation and wholeheartedly accompanied his child to study.
He began to make up for all kinds of educational knowledge, learn advanced educational concepts, and change his own way of education;
Correspond the problems that occur in the child with their own words and deeds, and analyze where they have not done a good role model;
Sincerely communicate with the child, apologize, and then have the right words and deeds to infect and affect the child.
In the end, the child also slowly quit internet addiction, and his grades began to improve, and he was even admitted to a key university.
As Jia Rongtao said:
"Because their own educational concepts are backward, they must change;
Since their own virtue is not enough to affect the child, it is necessary to change;
Because their own quality cannot meet the needs of children's growth, they must change. ”
Educating children starts with changing themselves.
Because parents are the best role models for children to learn.
05
Level 5:
Support your child to be true to themselves
A lot of times, we treat our children as our own.
So we often say to our children:
You look at someone else's child;
You can do it more perfectly;
Everything I do is for you...
I think today's parents do not love their children, but do not know how to love their children, the wrong way will eventually make the gap between parents and children love bigger and bigger.
Regarding how to evaluate his daughter's many years of lightly dyeing her hair and piercing her ears, Huang Lei replied like this:
"I never treated her like a child, she was a thoughtful person, she had her secrets, her thoughts, her life.
She doesn't belong to me, we are independent individuals from each other, and I don't impose my will on her."
I think the best love for children is:
"Parents fully support their children to become the best version of themselves and become their true selves."
All love in the world is for the purpose of aggregation, and only the love of parents for their children is for separation.
We can grow up with our children, but we can't grow old with our children.
We can raise a child's body, but we cannot deprive a child of his soul.
Truly wise parents never become the masters of their children's lives, but silently become the guardians behind their children.
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