Many women will make such a common mistake when dealing with feelings, that is, they can easily adopt a "high-investment" business approach to men.
What is the "high-input" way of operating feelings?
Simply put, when a woman deals with feelings, she pays at any cost, and this payment includes invisible emotions and time, as well as typed substances.
We can see that they themselves are reluctant to buy a lipstick of two or three hundred, pick it up and put it down, but the boyfriend likes thousands of sneakers, but they buy it without blinking an eye;
We can see that soon after the relationship was confirmed, they began to cook phone porridge with their boyfriends all day, holding the mobile phone every day, as long as the other party sent a message, they immediately returned in seconds;
We can also see that they carefully study their boyfriend's preferences, and what their boyfriend likes, they will work in which direction.
However, when they do this, they will find that they have paid a lot, but the result they want is very different from the expected, and the boyfriend does not even care about himself.
This makes them very depressed, and they have no way to find the reason.
In fact, all these phenomena need to be studied from a psychological point of view.
Giving = giving, this law does not hold in love
The well-known psychologist Wu Zhihong told us in the book "Out of the Personality Trap": "Pay, there will be a return, which is basically not established in love."
Why? It's because things like studying, working, etc., as long as we put in enough effort, will be more or less rewarded, which is a very certain thing.
But love is different, it is a relationship composed of two people with subjective consciousness.
Maybe what we give is not what the other party wants;
Maybe what we pay will make the other party feel pressured, and will make the other party feel a sense of indebtedness;
Maybe what we pay, after a long time, will make the other party feel that this is a matter of course, and they will not feel that they should also pay in this relationship.
All these factors are because when they are manifested by the person who gives, these factors are beyond the control of the person who gives.
Many times, the effort regardless of the cost will reap the sincerity, but it will also be disappointed.
Therefore, in the relationship between the sexes, paying, there will be a return is basically not established.
Psychological research has shown that it is often women who like "low investment" who can make men addicted
Since "high input" cannot make us experience good love, then at this time, smart women will adopt a "low input" business method.
For example, they will divide love into ten points, seven points to love themselves, and leave three points to love men;
For example, they will divide their time into ten, seven for running their own lives, and three for love;
For example, they will divide their emotions into ten points, seven points to invest in themselves and pay attention to their own needs, and three points to meet men's needs.
The most taboo thing about many things is that they are too complete, like water, too full will overflow; like the moon, too full will lose.
The same is true of love, pay too much, men will feel that they get so easily, and naturally will see the woman's pay as a cheap thing.
Therefore, smart women will be "low-invested" in men and "highly invested" in themselves.
Read books, exercise, travel, and improve your skills and value.
Writer Su Qian once said: "The best way to love a person is to manage yourself well and give the other party a quality lover." ”
Managing yourself and enhancing your own value is the best way to manage love.
At any time, loving yourself is the first meaning of life
Just think, the reason why we fall in love or get married is because these feelings can give us the happiness we want and can promote our dopamine secretion.
When people feel happy, they feel comfortable and at ease.
That is to say, the ultimate purpose of our love is to make ourselves comfortable, to make ourselves happy, and to make ourselves feel comfortable.
However, we have paid a lot in a relationship without any positive feedback, but instead let ourselves become cautious.
Well, this kind of love will make us think about the meaning of choosing it in the first place.
In fact, if love can't make us feel comfortable from the heart, it shows that this relationship is not suitable for us, this man is not suitable for us, and the best thing to do is to stop the loss in time.
As Su Qian said: "Whoever is comfortable with you is with whom, including friends, and when you are tired, you can stay away." Whoever can enter my heart, I treat him as a king, and those who do not enter my heart do not despise perfunctory. ”
Originally, life was only a few decades, and the result was that a person was forced to become humble, and it did not feel meaningful when I thought about it carefully.
Therefore, learn to waste more time on yourself, take more care of your feelings, consider your inner needs more, and invest in yourself at a higher rate. At this time, we will harvest different happiness.