I believe that every woman has fantasized about getting along with her children before becoming a mother, that must be a mother's kindness and filial piety, and her happiness and harmony.
However, when you really have children, you find that everything before can only be imagined, and in the real world, every day is filled with the voices of parents criticizing and scolding children.
Parents have emotions for their children, from the perspective of educating children, it is completely understandable, because children will inevitably do wrong things, and it is easy to let parents' emotions fluctuate.
When children do not change their teachings, parents will naturally lose their temper. But at this time, it is easy for them to bring other emotions to the child's education, and they cannot treat the child rationally.
Many parents criticize their children specifically, praise vaguely, when the child makes a mistake, parents will talk for an hour, listing the child's various crimes.
But when the child behaves well, parents will consciously or unconsciously choose to ignore, just with the words "'good'", 'very good'' and "passing by, so that the child's expectant heart instantly falls to the bottom.
What are the consequences of constantly criticizing children?
At this time, parents often use other people's children, as if their own children are useless compared to them.
In the eyes of parents, other people's children are always the best, and their own children are a stinky disease and bad habit.
1. Feeling of inferiority in personality
If parents always habitually deny their children, no matter what the children do, they will always pick out what they are not satisfied with, and then deliberately amplify to criticize the children.
Maybe sometimes parents just want to motivate their children, but they will make their children feel inferior, and when they fall into self-denial and self-doubt, they will naturally feel that they are inferior to others everywhere.
2. Generate rebellious emotions
Each of us will have a rebellious heart, and the child's performance will be more obvious because they don't need to think too much about objective factors.
When parents always criticize their children, out of the authority of their parents and the children's admiration for their parents, at that time children may choose to accept, but their hearts will accumulate more and more negative emotions.
Once the child's self-awareness erupts, these negative emotions will be like a time bomb, triggering the child's rebellious heart at any time.
3. Affect the parent-child relationship
Parents and children also need to pay attention to ways and methods, although parents give their children life, but can not use this as a reason to control everything about their children.
Children will have their own consciousness and ideas, if parents always stand in their own perspective to criticize children, then it will inevitably lead to children feel that parents do not understand themselves, so that the gap between them and parents is getting deeper and deeper, and the relationship is becoming more and more distant.
If a child makes a mistake, how should parents criticize correctly?
1. Pay attention to the expression of speech
Bad language hurts people in June, and the power of language sometimes exceeds people's imagination.
Parents should of course be firm when criticizing their children, but the tone should be as calm as possible, and they must not directly yell at their children, which not only cannot say the point, but also makes it difficult for children to accept.
Only by communicating with children as patiently as possible can children really know where they are wrong and be willing to correct them from the heart.
2. Criticism should be justified
Every one of us makes mistakes, and children certainly make mistakes, sometimes their mistakes are unconscious, and they are related to their level of cognitive development, so there is no need for parents to be on the line.
Only when the child makes a mistake of principle, parents should immediately criticize and guide the child.
But at this time, parents must discuss the facts, analyze reasonably, and analyze the right and wrong of what they have done with their children, rather than turning over old accounts or exaggerating the seriousness of the problem.
This will confuse children, do not understand where they are wrong, and will also make children feel that their parents are making a fuss and are unwilling to accept it.
3. Respect the personality and dignity of children
Parents certainly have the right to discipline their children, but this does not mean that they can trample on their personality and dignity.
Children are sometimes more sensitive than we think, and if parents always use some disgusting words to hurt their children, then not only will it not have any effect on the child's progress, but it will make the child rebellious.
Because parents have raised the criticism to personal attacks, it is conceivable how big the blow to the child will be.
How to properly praise children?
1, praise hard work but not praise intelligence
Many parents habitually praise their children's intelligence, whether the child is good at the exam, or good at drawing, or a beautiful thing, parents will generally say that they are very smart.
When parents invisibly avoid their children's efforts, they will give their children the illusion that since I am so smart, it does not take much effort to achieve good results.
This will only make the child become passive, only by praising the child's efforts, they can know that if they want to complete a thing, they must pay their time and energy.
Because pie doesn't fall from the sky, if you want to have a good result, then you have to persevere and work hard.
2. Exaggerate specifically rather than generally
Sometimes some aspects of a child can indeed be praised by their parents, but many times the praise of parents seems to be less careful.
They always use beautiful or good-looking to describe the appearance of the child, but it is difficult to use today's shoes are very good-looking, or the clothes and pants color is very suitable for specific language to make targeted praise.
Only by making specific compliments can children know exactly what they are doing right and where there is room for improvement.
In this way, the child will have the direction of effort, rather than being confused and not knowing how to move towards the right goal.
3. Exaggerate the facts without exaggerating the personality
We always want children to be good children, but we don't know that when children are crowned with the title of good children, it is tantamount to being put on a tight curse, so that they have a lot of pressure invisibly.
Because ''good child'' is not a specific concept, he only praises the child's personality, so that the child cannot fully understand the meaning, let alone know the evaluation criteria of a good child.
Parents should concretize exaggerated facts, such as children can help others, respect the elderly and love children, or pay special attention to civility and etiquette, or be good at observation, and can mingle well with others.
Such praise can make children have a clearer understanding, and when they tear off the general label of a good child, it is a fact that they are praised by their parents.
Every child hopes to be praised by their parents, but the different ways of praise of parents will affect the child's development in different directions. Learn how to praise the child correctly, in order to let the child walk more steadily and go further.