If we encounter a situation where the child is disobedient, do we turn a blind eye, lose our temper or be patient and reason with him? I believe that every parent has their own answer in the depths of their hearts.
"Reasoning" for children should be an educational method that many parents like to use, and it has always been recognized by many parents.
However, from the perspective of practice, this method of education is not suitable for all children, and may only be useful for some children, but it is useless for other children.
It seems normal for a child to do something wrong and parents to reason with them. But the problem is that many parents really "reason" their children when they are disobedient, but they helplessly find that this trick is often not good.
The bitterness of parents is often exchanged for the child's intensified disobedience. Therefore, we will see that some "democratic" families who are more reasonable to their children, the more their children are personality and disobedience.
Some parents who can't control their emotions lose their minds and lose their temper in a fit of rage. The end result is that the child suffers and the parent is injured. Such a result is obviously contrary to our original intention of educating children.
If we find it useless to reason with our children, it means that reasoning alone is not enough, and we need to find another way to adjust.
The purpose of parents to reason with their children is very simple, that is, they want to let their children "understand the truth". But we can't be satisfied with telling the truth to the child even if the task is completed, that is to say, the child is not enough to listen to us adults to explain the reason, they also need a practical part of the experience process.
We want to give children the opportunity to gain continuous experience in practice. We should pay attention to this, and the "practice" in the above sentence is the core word. Simply put, if a child does something wrong, in addition to explaining the reason to the child, parents should also let the child complete the understanding of a truth through experience as much as possible.
In addition, to solve the problem of education in children, the inertia of most of our parents' thinking is to find problems from children, but few parents first think of finding reasons from themselves.
In fact, many problems seem to be in children, but tracing back to the source is often caused by us adults doing something wrong.
When educating children, one of my relatives once also practiced "convincing people with reason", assuming that after explaining the big truth to the child, the child would obey and immediately correct the mistake. This method barely worked when the child was young, but when the child grew up, my relatives realized that this method gradually began to work less effectively. Because the child is very stubborn, but also very rebellious, the big truth told to the parents is soft and hard, and it is not accepted at all, which can make the relatives angry, see the soft can not work, and finally have to come hard. The price is that every time there is a scene of chickens and eggs beating, relatives begin to doubt their past ways of educating their children to reason.
The thinker Rousseau once said that the three educational methods that are not only useless but harmful to children are reasoning, tantrums, and deliberate emotion.
"Reasoning, tantrums and deliberate touch" These three are actually our most commonly used educational methods, and have even been transformed into the "three steps" of many parents to educate their children: children have mistakes, first reason for children; children do not listen, parents lose their temper; after parents lose their temper, they end in a deliberately moving way, in exchange for parents' own psychological comfort and balance.
For a long time, there has been a confusion in the hearts of many parents: if the reasonable children do not listen, what other methods can work?
In fact, there are many ways to solve such problems, the most important thing is that our parents should change the previous thinking that is only reasonable, be flexible and flexible, and more able to receive educational results.
For example, we parents can focus on the following five aspects to change the situation of "parents are patient and reasonable, but children are not obedient".
1. Reduce and dilute the practice of explaining big truths to children, and pay more attention to influencing and changing children with parents' own good behavior.
2. Even if it is necessary to reason with the child, it is necessary to avoid duplicity and perfunctory coping. If even we ourselves do not believe in the "truth" we are talking about, how can we make the child believe the truth we are telling?
3. Kiss his teacher and believe in his way. In fact, this principle also applies to the scope of family education. Parents should often communicate with their children and strive to create a harmonious parent-child relationship so that their children can be close to their parents and trust their parents. Of course, this communication is based on the equality of personality relationship between the two parties.
4. We parents should stand more in the child's position and perspective to empathize, do not arbitrarily subjectively evaluate the child's good or bad, and urge the child to eliminate the vigilance.
5. Start by stimulating empathy, such as scientifically setting up a number of related questions and answers around the child's questions, and guide the child to think by answering the question.
In general, when children are disobedient, if we just give them reasoning, this is by no means the best policy, we need a special set of "combination punches".
The "combination fist" referred to here is simply understood to organically integrate the above five aspects. This gives us a new educational approach and helps us to effectively change the situation of children who are disobedient.