The other day I was in the line for nucleic acid, and an old lady of about sixty years old stepped in front of me because her son was in line in front of me. This well-dressed, very rich-looking old lady, after inserting into the line, did not stop counting her son for a moment, it sounded like no big deal, that is, she hated her son going downstairs early, she said that there would be fewer people waiting for an hour. She looked angry at the affair, and a question was repeated for ten minutes or so.
I looked at her son with some sympathy. Her son, who was about thirty years old, did not say a word, his eyes fixed elsewhere, as if he had become accustomed to his mother's practice. The old lady said enough, and the resentment subsided, and began to intimately stick to her son about the marriage room, as if her son was about to get married and was renovating a new house.
The son Ren Mother was talking endlessly, whether it was accusations or concerns, he was neither angry nor joyful, and I even wondered if he had heard what his mother was saying. But the old lady was very interested, which decoration team to ask, which place to pretend to look like, when to pay for the decoration team, she said everything in detail, and her son's reaction has always been very indifferent.
I have some feelings. It can be seen that the mother is really attached to her son, but his son's attitude towards her has always been alienated. Faced with a passionate, indifferent status quo, I can't sympathize with this old lady anyway.
Such phenomena are all too common in life. Many people criticize today's children for not having a sense of responsibility, no gratitude, and parents who pay more, they all think it is deserved. But when you walk into their lives, you find that many times, there are contradictions between the two generations, and the biggest problem is not in the children, but from the parents.
Why do parents give, children do not know gratitude? I think the root cause of the problem is not the payment itself, but the problem of getting along between the two generations.
This generation of parents, most of them have walked from the era of lack of food and clothing, and the lack of life makes them think that with favorable material conditions, life can be happy. Therefore, they would rather cut down on their own food and clothing, but also give their children the best material conditions. They would rather take on all the housework themselves, but also let their children study hard and make them excellent.
But in this era of material excess, children not only have to bear the pressure from their parents to want them to become excellent, but also from the pressure of society, as well as self-condemnation, and they need spiritual comfort. This is precisely what many parents do not do, or are simply unable to do.
As they age, many parents cling to the habits of thought they have formed over the decades, hoping that their children will obey their own words. Different views of thinking between the two generations, and improper treatment by parents, will exacerbate the contradictions between the two sides. Like the mother mentioned earlier, she lives in her own world, and she does not feel what kind of impact her actions will have on her son's heart, and the estrangement of the relationship is an inevitable result.
In my opinion, when the children have grown up and the parents want to improve the relationship, only by constantly reflecting on themselves and starting from the following three aspects can the relationship between the two parties enter a virtuous circle.
First, don't let yourself indulge in chai rice oil and salt all day long
Here, I want to talk mainly about mothers. Due to the difference in thinking concepts between men and women, many women are destined to regard home as their whole world after marriage, especially after getting older and retiring from the workplace, they regard home above all else. They are addicted to family trivialities, disconnected from society, any trivial matters in the family will be infinitely magnified, and children will interfere if they behave in a way that does not meet their expectations. Although they do work hard at times.
For example, if you get up in the morning to cook a meal for the family, but your children lie in bed and are reluctant to get up, it is inevitable that they will be depressed and nagging a few words. The children who called did not answer, it was difficult to sit still, and the children could not help but teach a lesson when they returned home. Just like the mother in front, the son went downstairs to line up early, and he talked endlessly for about ten minutes. This kind of interference will make children want to get rid of them more and more.
If you usually go out of the house more, let the world become broader, see more people, more things, you will find that the world is so big, these trivial things at home are nothing at all. In this way, we can face the trivial matters at home with a more tolerant attitude and will not often complain and accuse. In a comfortable family atmosphere, children can truly feel the love of their parents.
The second is to grow up with your child, who is more willing to open up to you
The world is changeable, and the only constant is personal growth. Now many children are reluctant to communicate with their parents when they grow up, and the most fundamental reason is that the thinking concepts of the two generations are different. Children continue to move forward in a rapidly developing society, while the parents' cognition is stuck in the past era. Children talk to their parents and cannot really understand each other.
Parents should walk on the road at all times, and don't think that they are old and give up self-growth. In my own case, although I have always been a middle-level cadre in the unit, I often have conflicts with my daughter in education. After my daughter went abroad last year, I had plenty of time to start reading. Because my daughter majored in psychology, I often used psychological knowledge when writing articles, so I chose to read some psychology books.
In the process of reading the book, I reflected on the various shortcomings that existed in education before, realized the mistakes I made in education, and began to deliberately change. I often used the psychology I learned to communicate with my daughter on video and telephone, and in this way, the relationship between us changed a lot. My daughter is willing to share her daily life with me, and we often explore some psychological knowledge, and both parties can really understand that the relationship has not become estranged by distance.
The third is to provide help when the child needs it
Many parents often make the mistake of relying on their own life experience to guide their children's lives and help them avoid possible risks in life principles. Of course, I think this way out of love. But a person can only grow faster after experiencing failures and setbacks, which is something that everyone cannot avoid on the road to growth, and no one can replace it.
Not to mention whether the experience of my parents' time is useful in this day and age. For another example, if parents' own lives are not happy, guiding their children according to their own values will eventually lead the children back to their own old ways and become a resistance that limits their children's discovery. This is not what parents want to see. Only when children learn in mistakes and realize what they understand can they truly belong to their precious wealth.
Therefore, parents should not dictate to their children's lives, do not interfere, and must not force them. Children grow up and have their own way to go, which is their own subject. What parents can do is to provide their children with what they can when they need it; when they are tired, to provide them with a haven to rest. This kind of help will really make the child grateful.
There is no parent who does not love their children, but only love is not enough, and parents need to use wisdom to operate. We must learn to keep pace with the times, abandon our old ideas, actively contact new things, and let wisdom and knowledge increase as we age. Let children care for us, not because of sympathy and compassion, but because of respect.
For children who have grown up and become independent, we should not only stay on food, clothing, shelter and transportation, but also know whether they are happy and happy, if not, where does the pressure come from? And this requires us to be tolerant, benevolent, and wise parents, and we need to hold empathy and listen to their inner voices.
When our thinking concepts change, we can get along better with our children. They will regard home as the warmest harbor in the world, a place that can relieve stress and soothe trauma, and will be willing to take time out of their busy schedules to understand us, listen to us, and then care about and respect us.