For the matter of taking children, I used to think, isn't it just to watch children? How can there be such experts, courses, articles, and sayings? Later, I realized that each child is an independent individual, and we cannot influence other people's opinions, but we should fully understand our children and "teach according to their aptitudes".
The relationship between parents and children
What is the relationship between parents and children? Progressive relationship? A turning relationship? Or is it causation? I don't think so, it should be "unequal juxtaposition".
What is a juxtaposition? The encyclopedia's explanation is that the juxtaposition relationship refers to the existence of the same level of species concepts in the same genus concept, and the juxtaposition relationship that exists between these concepts.
The unequal juxtaposition is because the parents have to give more and not ask for anything in return. This is an asymmetrical, not a simple relationship.
Psychologists believe that there are no children who can't teach well, only parents who can't teach. Therefore, this "asymmetry" also has the recognition of the hard work of parents.
If the child has any requirements, most parents will do everything to meet, a small number of parents, choose to ignore the needs of the child, but most of them can meet. For example, the child fell, quickly picked up, and blamed an innocent "item" for hurting the baby. The child asked for a toy, twisted it for a while, and bought it for the child.
Not sure what type of parent you are? Different types of responses, which have been different before, may also have a certain impact on shaping the child's personality and behavior characteristics.
4 types of parents, raising babies with four personalities
American psychologist Diana Baumrind studied more than 100 preschoolers, and through natural observation, parent interviews and other research methods, divided parents into four types: authoritarian, authoritative, laissez-faire, and neglectful.
Type 1: Authoritarian parents
Parents have strict and unconditional requirements for their children, and if the children do not obey, they are directly punished without explaining the specific reasons. If asked, a child might say, "My request is the reason." ”
Little attention is paid to the child's feelings and emotions. The children raised are also children who are overbearing and difficult to listen to the opinions of others.
Type 2: Authoritative parents
They will set clear goals for the child and supervise the child's execution. But it will respond to children's questions and emotions in the process, and if it does not meet the expectations of parents, it will also be very tolerant to help them, rather than blindly punishing.
Tips: Children raised by such parents will have their own opinions, be responsible, and can self-regulate their emotions.
Type Three: Laissez-faire parents
Parents demand very little from their children, but they also have low expectations of their children's maturity and self-control. They feel that children don't need to discipline too much, as long as they can provide some help, avoid confrontation as much as possible, and are considered doting parents.
They communicate more with their children and will become friends with their children without exception. But the children who are educated in this way are usually more understanding and can have a good foothold in society.
Type 4: Neglectful parents
Almost no child, just eat and drink enough. There is very little communication with the child and it is basically in a state of disconnection. Children educated by such parents often have a very weak relationship with their parents, and after going to society, they are very likely to become "polarized" people, either very strong or very cowardly, but they are extremely insecure in their hearts.
The parenting style of parents affects the character of children
As we said earlier, the relationship between children and parents is an "unequal juxtaposition", which will be more obvious in early childhood, but when children enter puberty, they may often gradually completely subvert this inequality, with the child's ability as the mainstay, and parents rarely play a major role.
Teacher Li Meijin believes that what parents say before the child is 12 years old is gold for the child, but after the age of 12, it is garbage. It also illustrates the importance of early parenting and parent-child relationships.
Some psychologists believe that when children feel that their parents' requirements are fair and reasonable, they are more willing to pay and obey, which is then internalized into their own behavior and principles.
In his book Essentials of Psychology, Douglas Bernstein argues that "there is no universal so-called best way to educate."
This also provides us with new thinking, is it possible to apply the way of education? No, every child has a unique temperament, and every family's cultural background is different. It is normal for parents to have differences in the way they educate their children. But what I want parents to understand is what kind of child we are cultivating, what kind of future he hopes to be, and work hard for it.
Words speak louder than deeds
On the issue of educating children, many parents have their own words, but also have their own understanding and opinions. But I think, no matter what, we should know what we are doing and what kind of children are we facing?
Young children prefer their parents to pay attention to their feelings and gently tell themselves what to do. Older children, on the other hand, have their own opinions and do not like their parents to take risks for themselves.
It is worth noting that we should at least lower the requirements for the child, turn to observing the child's words and deeds, and understand the motivations behind the child's behavior. Provide them with the necessary, positive energy to help. Maybe your judgment is not scientific enough, but as long as you and your child feel good, everything is not so bad.
In the early hours of the morning, mom came to nag:
The day we become parents, no one puts a crown on us, issues a certificate of induction, or a "manual" to guide us what to do next. But when the child comes, you have to try to cope, to accept the relationship between you and him, maybe sometimes not so harmonious, maybe sometimes laughing with tears. But isn't that the fun of parenting?
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