He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
I don't know if you have seen this phenomenon:
Those around those who like to "preach" and "be a good teacher" are often not very pleasing.
On the surface, everyone was polite to him, but in fact, few people regarded him as a friend.
The more preachy you are, the harder it is for others to accept.
Because in the depths of people's hearts, they cannot accept the concepts and decisions that are directly affected by others.
When men and women interact, girls hate it most when their boyfriends reason with themselves.
The more reasonable the boy is, the more angry the girl becomes; over time, the boy loses patience, and the girl loses her feelings for him.
When friends get along, the more reasonable you are, the more indifferent your friends will become to you.
When a friend complains to you, shares something bad with you, all he needs is for you to share a vendetta with him, to comfort him, nothing more.
Everyone understands that what others need is your empathy, not that you have to move out some "big right and wrong" truth.
-01
With people, why not "preach"?
First: Your "preaching" is like "picking thorns" in the eyes of the other party.
In the eyes of different people, preaching has different meanings.
Talk to narcissists, and your church is perceived by them as saying, "You're upset with me, you don't like me, you have an opinion about me." ”
Talk to an inferior person, and your church makes him feel, "You're looking down on me, you're tired of me." ”
Most people do not like the form of preaching, and they do not like to listen to each other's commanding and communicate with themselves in a condescending posture.
Like what:
Two people are playing chess, and everyone around them is very quiet, and at this time you walk over and point at the two people.
"You shouldn't go this way, you should take this step."
It is said that "chess spectators do not speak", not only because this kind of behavior annoys others, but also because the way you preach is like "provocation" in the eyes of others.
This reminds me of the online passages: "What are you looking at?"
Second: In the eyes of the other party, "preaching" is equivalent to "rejection"
No one likes to be preached by you, and no one wants to be in a situation where they are often controlled by others.
Unless, of course, you are a wise man, have a certain social status, have certain connections and wealth.
The relationship between you and the other person is that he looks up to you, respects you, admires you, and is willing to listen to your experience and lessons.
In addition, any relationship together, your preaching will cause varying degrees of damage to your feelings.
Preaching, the subtext in the eyes of others is:
"I don't like you like this, you should live according to my requirements, according to my words." 」
Do you want to be controlled by someone else?
I'm afraid you don't want that either.
Third: "Preaching" is an act that lowers the self-esteem of others
For example:
You're friends with each other, but at a dinner party, you criticize him in public for not doing a good job.
Moreover, you also use your own experience and reasoning to teach him, trying to make him obey you and convince you.
At this time, he is outwardly polite to you, but in fact he has already complained about you in his heart.
Why?
Because you preach to him in public, it is undoubtedly an act that lowers his sense of self-esteem.
For example:
Some people like to smoke and drink, you just tell him: "Smoking and drinking is not good for your health, hurry up and quit." ”
Doesn't he know that it's bad to do this?
The family is eating, and the child accidentally breaks the bowl where he ate.
At this time, the parents began to preach: "You are too careless, can't you pay attention?" ”
Doesn't the child want to pay attention? Does the child want to break the bowl?
These sermons are typical of "lowering the other person's self-esteem" behavior.
in other words:
Don't think about other people's problems from your own perspective.
With more empathy and empathy, you'll learn to empathize, and you won't be so preachy.
-02
How to change the behavior of "preaching"?
First: be harmonious and different, and accept each other's shortcomings
People are different from each other, and no one is flawless.
In your concept of life, you think that people should study, work, and work hard to harvest a good life.
But in his concept, he likes a stable life, is not willing to work too hard, and is only willing to enjoy the present.
This is the opposition between values and outlook on life, and none of you can convince anyone.
If you are partial to teaching the other party, saying that he is not enterprising and self-motivated, it is that you are not interested in yourself.
You can't convince him, and he'll get tired of your preaching, which is a lose-lose social model.
Therefore, when getting along with people, don't put your own ideas on each other.
You are not him and will not understand his feelings and thoughts; he is not you and is unwilling to accept your experience.
If you want to maintain a stable relationship, don't force others.
Accept each other's differences, accept each other's shortcomings, and you can have a peaceful state of mind.
Second: Intimate relationships and leading by example are always more useful than preaching
Everyone is talking about "inner volume".
In fact, the essence of the inner volume is to affect people.
In the book "The Language of Confucius", there is a passage that says:
"Living with good people is like entering the room of Zhilan and not smelling its fragrance for a long time; living with bad people is like entering the abalone's wanton, and not smelling its smell for a long time."
Often get along with people of high moral character, like bathing in a room full of Zhilan, even if you can't smell the fragrance after a long time, your body is already full of fragrance.
Being with people with poor character is like being in a place where seafood is sold, and you don't smell the smell for a long time, but you already have this trait in you.
What kind of people you get along with, over time, what kind of people you will become.
And what way you are used to living, what emotions, what kind of posture you are used to, the people closest to you will also imitate you and gradually resemble you.
Just like "husband and wife", just like "the relationship between parents and children", these will be affected by each other.
So, what kind of person you want the other person to become, first of all, you have to become like this.
Parents want their children to read, but they go out with friends every day to drink and party, may the child develop good habits?
Men swear and grin every day, have no patience, and still want their wives to be gentle and kind, is it possible?
Preaching is useless, but leading by example can influence others.
Today's Topic:
Have you ever met someone who likes to "preach"?
(Article with picture source network)