Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
Introduction: Eggs, if broken from the outside, is food, broken from the inside, is to grow, in the face of children's learning problems, the same is true, to stimulate the child's internal drive, than any external force, more powerful.
I often chat with some parents, and the most talked about is the child's "learning problem".
I don't know if you have found that if you want some children to take the initiative to learn consciously, it is difficult to ascend to the sky, sometimes even if you give them all kinds of pressure, or use various reward and punishment methods, it will not help.
So the question is, for these kinds of children, do they really not know the importance and significance of learning?
What's more, how did they do it, in the face of their parents' criticism, education, rewards, or nagging, while Tarzan collapsed in front of them and did not change his face?
In fact, it is not that children do not understand reason, nor that they do not know the benefits of learning, but that they lack a "strength".
The Irish poet Yeats said that education is not filled with a bucket of water, but a fire.
This sentence has also been quoted by many education experts around the world, and it is generally believed that cramming education cannot bring better results to children, but will make children lose interest in learning and the ability to actively learn.
Therefore, for those children who have no interest in learning, even if they are forced to learn under pressure, the "strength" they lack is actually the "internal drive to learn".
When I was in my sophomore year of high school, I lost interest in learning, so in my third year of high school, I was downgraded from "experimental class" to "ordinary class".
I remember when I arrived at the new class on my first day, my senior homeroom teacher said a word to me. She said: "I'd rather be a chicken head than a phoenix tail."
It was this sentence that rekindled my enthusiasm for learning, and it was this sentence that encouraged me to enter the undergraduate school.
Therefore, in my opinion, education itself is to let children have the "internal driving force" to learn, not the external educational criticism and tracking management of parents.
01. So the question is, what is the "inner driving force"?
The so-called "internal driving force" refers to: on the basis of need, a state of internal awakening is generated, and the external performance reflects the internal dynamics of the body that push forward, so as to meet the internal needs.
To put it simply, I feel that I am missing something, and then the internal feelings will also be lost and painful, and these inner emotions will push me to try to do something.
For example, if I'm too poor to eat now, and no one can help me, then I have to make money to be able to eat, so there is an internal force that pushes me to do things, and that force is the internal driving force.
And for children, is learning a "need"? Obviously yes, but as an individual, very advanced need.
But there is also a problem, that is, if you want to meet such "advanced needs" as learning, you have to help children solve a series of basic needs.
To take a simple example, many children in remote areas may even have a problem with dressing and eating, so it is not realistic to talk about learning with such children, although they are more enthusiastic about this "advanced need".
Therefore, when we want to awaken the "internal drive" of children for learning, we must first help children solve some basic and bottom needs.
For example, the family is harmonious and harmonious, and for example, the parent-child relationship is harmonious, and the child can grow up in a safe and comfortable environment.
Therefore, if you want to enhance your child's "internal driving force" for learning, parents must first ask themselves whether they provide a good family and learning environment for their children.
02. So what are the benefits of "intrinsic drive"?
To understand the benefits of intrinsic drive, we only need to clarify the difference between "external" and "intrinsic" driving forces at a glance.
What is an external driving force? For example, rewards and punishments, criticism of education, supervision, one-on-one counseling, etc., these are the "external drive" of parents for their children's learning.
And what is the difference between this drive and the "inner drive"?
First, there is no continuity.
This is easy to understand, children may act because of rewards, when the reward disappears, they will stop learning, scolding and criticizing, only for a moment.
Second, the division of responsibilities is not clear.
As parents, we must let children understand that learning is their own business, but if parents themselves intervene more, give children more external pressure, and use rewards and punishments to supervise children, it is easy for children to feel the wrong judgment of "learning is for you", so since they are all for others, it is naturally difficult to improve their input.
Finally, it's that the chips don't work out too quickly.
What is chip invalidation? Simply put, rewards are a kind of chip for parents, and scolding is also a pity, but unfortunately, the validity period of this chip is too short, and under the scolding education mechanism, with the growth of children, they will gradually show a decline, and even children will eventually rebel and rebel against this model.
Compared with these external drivers, the inner driving child is more engaged, and the action is more durable, and the sense of achievement will be more sufficient.
In this case, the child will enjoy what he or she has done and will also be full of strong interest in learning itself.
For example, Fan Deng once shared that his father's favorite thing to do is to do math problems, and when others asked him why he liked to do math problems, his father replied that it made him very relaxed.
So we have found that if the child has the "internal driving force" on his own, then we will no longer worry about the child's academic performance.
03. A mother's counterattack: learning to awaken the child's "learning internal drive"
Next is the focus of our discussion today, how to awaken the child's "learning drive".
I once talked to a middle-aged mother whose daughter was admitted to the Doctorate, and she told me a few methods, and I will share them with you here.
Give your child full autonomy in learning
As we mentioned just now, if you want to awaken the child's inner driving force, you must solve the basic needs of the child.
If we often supervise our children by scolding and criticizing such educational methods and environments, it is difficult for children to realize that I should learn such things.
Therefore, first of all, let the child have the initiative to learn in the eyes of no one to force.
Neither to please my parents, nor to get rewards, or to escape punishment, but simply I want to learn.
When I was a child, the first thing I did when I came home was to write homework, but my mother would let me eat, she never cared about my studies, but as long as I didn't finish my homework, I wouldn't eat, for learning, I never let my parents worry about it, this is because I am willing.
Therefore, in the matter of learning, children should be given full choice and autonomy.
The choice of whether to accompany homework, whether to choose an interest class, and whether to help the child do everything in a big package may have a different effect.
Let children experience the fulfillment of learning
When I was a child, I loved to learn because the feedback I received was enough to give me a sense of accomplishment.
And I think that if you want your child to feel fulfilled in learning, you need to have some conditions.
The first is that children must be competent.
No one wants to continue to be "abused" in the matter of learning, because it is too difficult, and for children, abandonment, loss, and pain are common things.
Therefore, when we find that children cannot solve the current learning problems, we may wish to reduce the difficulty of learning with our children and gradually cultivate children's self-confidence and sense of achievement.
The second is that we need timely feedback and response.
Children but where there is progress, we must be a variety of "rainbow farts" followed, at this time, do not be stingy praise, you know, every time the praise, may be the child's achievements will increase by one point.
Even if you can't find any direction of praise, you must deliberately create it, then in this process, the child will feel a very great sense of achievement and glory, and he will naturally be more attentive to learning.
Raise your child's purposefulness
We do anything, as long as the purpose is clear, we can often do more with less, and the same is true for children's learning.
So what is the purpose of learning? Is it for exams? Or for a better future?
We can say that these statements are correct, but unfortunately, this is not the purpose that the child wants.
When I was tutoring my family's big treasure before, there was one thing that I thought was very interesting.
There was a time when my family Dabao studied very hard, I asked her, I said why have you been working so hard lately?
My family's big treasure said: "Only if I work so hard now, when I tutor my children in the future, I will not be like you tutoring me, a mess..."
When I heard it, it was disgusting to me, but this purpose was particularly interesting, and I felt that although it was ingenious, it was the child's favorite purpose.
For most children, finding a purpose is actually very simple.
For example, for purposes related to self-actualization, some children want to be scientists, some children want to be doctors, right? Then we can use this to remind our children that in order to achieve these goals, we must do a good job now.
Mother Themi's message:
The essence of allowing children to learn actively is that they have the power to "push" themselves forward, while many parents overplay their roles through external forces, which may backfire.
Give the initiative of learning back to the child, and the "learning internal drive" to help the child wake up, perhaps, the answer you want will appear.
Finally, I would like to ask you, what do you think is the most important thing to improve your child's academic performance?