Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
Last night, Ms. Chen, a post-95 mother who went on a business trip to a different place, met a little boy on the way home after running, and the boy greeted Ms. Chen very warmly after seeing Ms. Chen, "Sister, hello", which is for Ms. Chen, who is bigger than the boy in front of her, she does not know how to respond for a while, but her heart is unprecedentedly happy, in ms. Liu's words: a sister hello, called me heartbroken!
Later, when Ms. Liu chatted with the boy, she found that the boy's emotional intelligence was really high!
Ms. Chen, who was called "sister", also responded enthusiastically after her heart was full of flowers: "Hello children", originally thought that there would be no intersection after greeting each other, but the boy showed a sunny smile and said, "Sister is not afraid to walk the black road alone?" When you go home, you have to go towards a place where there is a light."
In the face of the thoughtful and cute boy Ms. Chen is also touched by envy and jealousy, also as a parent, remembering the two daughters who have not cared about "when the mother comes home" for nearly 30 days from home, Ms. Liu's heart is full of five flavors, to know that in the face of a stranger boy is so likable, the parents of the boy must be very happy!
A cute boy is not a gifted one, and excellent parents are indispensable behind them
Speaking of likable boys, many people may think that they are all gifted, in fact, behind every likable boy there are parents who "will educate children", they have been teaching their own behavior to influence children, the influence of the day after tomorrow also directly makes children close to Zhu And the red ink is black, pay attention to those boys with high emotional intelligence, you will find that their parents are very dignified, giving people a feeling of elegance and atmosphere, with a sense of intimacy that is easy to get along with.
Colleagues in the unit told me that he had a relative's child named Xiao Tao, 10 years old this year, a boy with a clean camera and a particularly cheerful and lively personality, who greeted warmly every time he came to the house, and usually asked his mother if there was anything he needed help.
Xiao Tao's liking is actually not only about understanding politeness, considerate and sensible, when there are many children in the family, when there is a play crisis, he can also deal with a mess of you crying and making trouble scenes, in the eyes of relatives and friends everyone thinks that Xiao Tao is a warm big brother, in fact, when the children play together, Xiao Tao is not the oldest in the child group, which is really difficult, and the impression given everywhere is particularly likable.
As a likable boy, Xiao Tao has always been popular, 10 years old he is already the "child king" in the community, many neighbors can't help but ask parents when they see Xiao Tao, "How do you teach this child, it is too gratifying", Xiao Tao's mother gave the answer is "In fact, we have not done anything, that is, we need to be friends with the child, and usually use the things that require the child to be on themselves."
After listening to the sharing of colleagues, Lan Mama's first feeling is "listen to jun's words, better than reading ten years of books", to use those things that require children on their own, which is also the most beautiful word I have heard in parenting education, no requirements, no reprimands, and no endless goals, the relationship between children and parents in education is also very pure, they are friends, partners, and beginners who need to learn and grow together!
So, how do parents need to do this well in the high emotional intelligence training of boys? Based on the family experience of high emotional intelligence boys, Lan Mama summarized the following skills:
1, boys and girls are the same
The growth education of boys and girls is completely different, many parents think that "boys should be poor, girls need to be rich", in fact, the difference between poor and rich education lies in the difference in personality and gender, such as girls are naturally sensitive, when they lack of love and care when they grow up, they are easy to be coaxed by "scumbags", boys are born lazy and careless, if they are pampered when they are young, it is easy to be selfish and domineering, cause trouble, be calculated, and do not know how to be grateful...
Therefore, in the growth process of boys and girls, parents often have more patience with their daughters and more demanding on their sons, hoping that through the tempering of young children, boys can be independent and strong in the future, shoulder the responsibility on their shoulders, in fact, such an idea is completely wrong, although boys and girls have different educational methods, but their existence is the same as their parents, and the love of parents for boys and girls is also the same expectation of health, happiness and happiness.
However, the children are young, where do they understand the heart of their parents, let alone understand the good intentions of "boys are poor, girls are rich", the differential treatment of parents will only leave harm to the boy's heart from childhood, how can a boy with flaws and scars open his heart to people and be a sunny, optimistic and pleasing man? Because in their young wounded hearts there is a sense of distance that is difficult to cross from others!
Therefore, behind a pleasing boy must be a "fair parent", who is the same as boys and girls, pure and simple love for their children!
2. To train boys to be gentlemen, you must first be a gentleman yourself
Speaking of boys with high emotional intelligence, many boys may give priority to the word "gentleman", especially gentleman boys, they never say dirty words, nor do they deliberately make jokes about others, and they will not make things that use others and hurt others, and when they get along with people around them, they also know how to use "thank you", "please", and humility to attract the good feelings of others, especially in terms of getting along with people.
Among gentlemen and boys, they know how to be polite, mature and lively, gentle and atmospheric, they are careful and considerate, they can look at problems from the perspective of others, they know how to be polite and lovely, they greet people and face everyone around them with a smile, they can do everything just right, they can bring people a sense of security, they always maintain a sunny and confident look, and with them can produce an inexplicable sense of peace of mind...
Gentlemen's boys, they may be a small action can make people comfortable, heartwarming, but gentleman's boys are by no means gifted, behind their gentleman's high emotional intelligence often have a gentlemanly parents, pay attention to observe a lot of family around the mode of getting along, parents and children in addition to learning or learning, communication between the family is not life, is trivial, when there is a dispute will also be full of dirty words, so how to bring gentlemanly behavior to children like a roller coaster mode of getting along?
Therefore, while cultivating boys and gentlemen, parents must first learn to be gentlemen and personable, whether it is daily getting along or when encountering family conflicts, we must use civilized words to talk, say "thank you" when being helped, say "can I do this" when you want to do something, and say "what do you think we should do" when communicating problems...
Yes, the words spoken by elegant and personable people feel very warm, and at the same time, they can avoid a lot of family disputes, and they can also play a good example of gentlemanly demeanor for children!
3, be sure to allow children to have emotions
Many parents of the education of boys, are independent and strong, small man as the goal, in life if the boy playing with toys is robbed by the girl, most parents hope that the boy can show gentlemanly demeanor, if the boy cries endlessly, rolling on the ground will be angry that the child is disobedient, or no manhood, but for children, you give them to talk about manhood, they do not know what it is, the only gentle behavior to ease the baby is to resolve the contradiction through the way of getting along.
In this regard, the way to get along well is to control emotions, rather than escape emotions, many parents do not let children cry is actually to escape the emotional occurrence, only first allow boys to have their own emotions, they can recognize what their real needs are, if the child's beloved toys are robbed can not cry, which is extremely sad for growing boys, hurt, usually with children will also behave more lonely, difficult to get along with.
If you understand the pleasing boys, you will find that in fact, they have the advantages of being positive and optimistic, good at communication, and getting along with people, and these are not actually the innate energy of children, to know that every gentleman boy's childhood has been robbed of things, they will also have sad and sad, angry and irritable times, but in the development of emotions learned to control themselves, and finally "to demand" as the ultimate direction to do things, and this kind of boy who knows how to control his emotions, generally behind the child to have emotions Parents who know how to guide emotions.
For example, when a boy is playing with a toy racing car and is suddenly robbed and destroyed by a girl, the boy's heart must be angry and sad at this time, if the parents tell the boy to "want to lose his temper", as the boy's emotions vent, you will find that they are only angry and crying.
At this time, if we suggest to the child: "It is better to play racing with the children", instead of ordering the boy to "share the toy to the child to play", in the process of the boy trying to use his brain to get along and communicate, we can well exercise their communication, leadership and conflict handling skills.
In the end, parents are a copy of the child's growth, parents want their children to be a high emotional intelligence boy, first of all, to do a good job, set a good growth example for the child, and grow and develop together with the child, you will find that the relationship between us and the child will become more and more intimate, and it is naturally not so difficult to imagine on the road of education!
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!