What kind of personality a person has, in addition to having certain innate factors, in fact, it is the acquired factors that play a decisive role. We often see such a phenomenon: the personality of children and parents shows great differences, some parents are very introverted, and some children are very lively and extroverted. Therefore, the character of a person is generally formed in the environment in which he is acquired and the education he receives.
The child's childishness has not yet come off, the personality has not yet been fixed, there is a great deal of plasticity, and carefully cultivating its excellent character at this time will benefit the child for a lifetime. So, what kind of character is a good character? This question can be described as "the benevolent see the wise, the wise see the wise", and each pair of parents may have their own unique views. However, qualities such as independence, self-confidence, optimism, self-motivation, self-discipline, courage, passion, and goodwill are undoubtedly excellent character traits in any era and any country.
1, no principle coddled, the child has no one else in mind
Xu Jiao is a smart and beautiful girl. Her father was the manager of a large company, and her mother worked as a doctor in a hospital, and the family conditions were superior. At home, she was the jewel in the palm of her parents' hands, what she wanted; in school, she had excellent grades and was a top student favored by her teachers.
The good family environment, the love of parents, the praise of teachers and classmates, so that Xu Jiao has a fluttering feeling, Xu Jiao's parents often praise their daughters in front of others, proud of having such a smart and beautiful daughter. All of this fueled Xu Jiao's feelings of complacency and pride.
Gradually, Xu Jiao changed. At home, she will lose her temper with her parents as long as she is slightly unhappy; in school, she loves to show off and show off herself, get along with her classmates, and be at the top of everything, thinking that all good things and good opportunities should naturally belong to her. Such a girl, of course, everyone will not like, so the classmates began to alienate her, and finally, Xu Jiao did not even have a good friend, and everyone played games between classes, only Xu Jiao watched from a distance.
Originally, I loved my children, but doing so would undoubtedly harm my children. Parents who are child-centered in everything should be alert at this time. Smart and lively children are liked by everyone, but we must also always ask ourselves: Are children a bit "self-centered?" "Will she put herself in the shoes of others?" If the answer is not so satisfactory, it is necessary for us to adjust our parenting style.
Investing too much love in children will gradually form a false understanding: I am very cute, I am amazing, and it is natural for everyone to love me and pay attention to me.
Today's children are mostly raised in the pampering of their parents. Sometimes, even grandparents, grandparents, parents and adults circle around a child. What kind of impact will this practice have on the child's psychological and character development?
In fact, children are like a small sapling, and the love given to them by their families is like the nutrients they grow. Malnutrition, small saplings of course do not grow well, and excess nutrition, small saplings can not absorb and digest, nutrition has become a burden. This kind of problem is especially serious for girls, because most girls are sensitive in their minds, pay more attention to the interrelationship between people, coddling will lead them to spoil themselves, think about problems and do things often self-centered, so it is easy to form a wayward, selfish character.
In fact, many parents also know that coddling is harmful to their children, but they can't tell what is true love and what is coddling. Here are a few of the main manifestations of coddling that parents must be cautious about.
1. Special treatment
The child's status in the family is superior, and special care is taken care of everywhere, such as the child's favorite things are only eaten in front of her, the grandparents can not but the birthday, the child has to buy a big cake and send gifts on his birthday... Such a child feels special, is accustomed to being superior, and is bound to become selfish, unsympathetic, and unconcerned about others.
2. Excessive attention
The family always pays attention to him and accompanies him, relatives and friends come and play around the child, repeatedly welcome the child to perform the program, and the applause is constantly not peaceful all day long.
3. Easy to satisfy
Children give what they want, and what they want comes very easily. Such a child will inevitably develop bad qualities of not cherishing goods, paying attention to material enjoyment, wasting money and not being considerate of others, and has no patience and hardship spirit.
4. Fear of crying
Because the child is accommodated from an early age, the child threatens the parents by crying and not eating when it is not going well, and the parents have no choice but to coax, surrender, obey, and accommodate. Parents who are afraid of their children crying will sow the seeds of selfishness, ruthlessness, willfulness and lack of self-control in their children's personalities.
5. Protect yourself in person
Sometimes the father manages the child, the mother protects, sometimes the parents educate the child, the grandmother will stand up and speak, such a child will have no concept of right and wrong, because she feels that she always has a "protective umbrella" and a "refuge", which will not only distort the child's personality, but also never learn how to face mistakes.
Parents spoil their children without principle, which can manifest itself in many ways, and the few we listed above belong to the excessive love invested in children, so that they gradually form a wrong understanding: I am very cute, I am amazing, and it is natural for everyone to love me and pay attention to me.
Whether a child is selfish or enthusiastic is closely related to the parent's way of educating. If the parents' education methods are correct, the children will know how to share, cooperate, and get along with others; if the parents' education methods are incorrect, the children will gradually be self-centered, selfish, calculating, and showing a tendency to be out of place.
2. The more accommodating the parents, the more unreasonable the children are
In life, many children will be unreasonable and unreasonable: self-centered, do not understand the position of others; whether they are reasonable or not, they will lose their temper when they say they lose their temper... These problems often give parents a headache. The child's unreasonableness is actually a manifestation of the child's lack of self-control, so the father must strive to cultivate the child's self-control ability, and never tolerate the child's unreasonable behavior.
Dad bought a beautiful toy car for Dong Dong and prepared to take the child to his aunt's house in the afternoon, Dong Dong was very happy and decided to show off his new toy to his cousin. But in the afternoon, it suddenly rained heavily, and Dong Dong lay on the window for a long time, ran over to his father and asked, "Daddy, will this rain stop?" Dad knew that if Dong Dong couldn't go to his aunt's house, he must be very disappointed, so he comforted the child: "Wait a little longer, maybe it will stop." ”
An hour passed, and the rain still did not stop, and even a strong wind blew. So Dong Dong began to make noise, crying while making noise. Dad comforted Dong Dong: "We have all been to my aunt's house many times, and we don't care about this time." When the heavy rain stops, Dad will take you again, do you think it is good? Dong Dong said to his father noisily, "Who knows when the rain will stop!" You promised me, and now you regret it, I won't do it! I don't do it! "The more noisy the winter, the more alarmed even the neighbors were alarmed."
Dad was very embarrassed, and there was nothing he could do about it, so he assured him: "Daddy will take you to the mall tomorrow and buy you a toy gun, the kind that can shoot bullets. ”
We often see some parents make such a mistake: as soon as the child cries and makes a fuss, he panics, immediately hurts and coaxes the child, and is unreasonable to the child, or many times, the child is noisy for a while because of some unsatisfactory things, almost about to stop, suddenly, because the parents or others said some comforting words to the child, the child's emotions suddenly came to a 180-degree turn, becoming more and more noisy!
Dong Dong's quarrel with dad is a good example.
For a child, it is bound to be disappointing not to be able to participate in the planned activities due to the weather, but the child is entangled and unreasonable because of this, and it is largely because of the father's sympathy that this feeling of disappointment is amplified. Parents often underestimate their children's tolerance for disappointment and setbacks, and always unconsciously take the role of parents and willingly "suffer" for their children. In this example, Dad showed pity for Dong Dong, and Dong Dong himself felt more and more pitiful, and the more he felt that "it is unbearable to go to his aunt's house."
What's worse is that Dad's proposed "compensation" method has led Dongdong to form the idea that any disappointment he encounters in life should be compensated by others. If anything does not come to fruition according to his wishes, Dong Dong will feel that life has treated him badly and he has been treated unfairly. Dad thinks that the child's disappointment is too great to be borne by winter and winter, and his attitude actually underestimates the ability of winter to bear. Dad thinks that Dongdong is too weak to face the reality of life, and his attitude will make Dongdong also form a wrong understanding of himself: "I have received a big blow, and I am unable to cope with it." ”
Therefore, we should exercise our children and develop their courage to accept disappointments and failures in life, rather than relying on the pity of others and waiting for others to comfort and sympathize with themselves. If we don't show our regret and care too much about him in front of the child, the child will learn how to accept the reality of disappointment, regulate his emotions, and no longer be unreasonable. If parents can calmly deal with their children's disappointments and exert good influence on their children, it will make it easier for children to accept disappointments and meet hopes and challenges!
Some of the behavior of children is not really childish and ignorant, and they actually vaguely feel that there is something wrong with their own practices. It is only the immaturity of the child's "control", so it shows a bad mood of crying. For example, when the child makes unreasonable noises, loses his temper, and cries, the parents deliberately ignore the child's language and behavior, and do not express any attitude to know the existence of that behavior, the child will realize that the parents do not like his behavior, and will not give him any satisfaction, and he will not get any "compensation" from the parents.
In life, we can see that it is often because parents care too much about their children, so that children have to make progress, and even develop to unreasonable trouble. When parents deal with this behavior of their children, they usually loudly reprimand or even beat up their hands to achieve the purpose of making their children change their behavior. This practice of parents does not work! If we really want our children to be able to change their unreasonable behavior, then the right thing for parents to do is to appropriately ignore their children, at least to maintain a considerable degree of silence.
When the child is unreasonable, parents may wish to take the method of ignoring it, so that the child will reflect on his own approach in your cold attitude, do not care too much about the child, your concern will only make the child inch.
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