"I want to send my 9-year-old son to a juvenile detention center," and after reading the story, I decided to adopt my son in a different way
There is a boy in the family, and his parents must guide him well
Use your own words and deeds to be a good example for your children
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I saw such a post on Weibo the other day
A father surnamed Zhang complained, "I want to send my 9-year-old son to a juvenile detention center."
He said, "I don't know what sins I have done in my previous life, but I have met such a son."
Listening to this dad's words, many people will be curious
What could a 9-year-old boy do to make his father so resentful?
And according to the dad, his children were stupid and bad
Zhang's father and his wife are both graduate students in colleges and universities, and their academic performance has been very good since childhood
However, their son finished at the bottom of every exam, went to elementary school, and could not memorize a complete ancient poem
No matter how the two tutor, this child is not enlightened, and the math score is even more messy
What makes Zhang's father even more desperate is that the child's poor academic performance is also counted
He is not kind, he has no love, and the whole person has a particularly strong sense of revenge
Because the female classmates did not like to play with him, Zhang Dad's son took a stone and smashed the other party
Because after Zhang's father learned of this, he kicked his son and taught him a lesson
The child sprayed 84 disinfectant on Zhang's father's suit
Father zhang and his wife are usually very loving, and once saw a stray dog pitiful, so they took the dog home to raise
As a result, after a while, the dog and the couple became very affectionate, and the only thing they saw was always very scared when they saw the child
So Zhang's father became suspicious and installed surveillance at home
It turned out that the child had repeatedly brutally abused the puppy behind his back, and had no expression on his face and stomped on him with his feet, looking not only unmerciful, but even a little excited
Zhang Dad's various heartaches and helplessness have aroused the sympathy of many netizens
A lot of people leave messages saying
"Such children are born and cannot be saved"
"It's really poor daddy, this kind of baby is not good"
But is it really all the child's fault?
From The description of Zhang's father, it is not difficult to see
He is very confident in his and his wife's excellent genes, and he is also very angry about the fact that his son is not learning well, and he can't think straight, doesn't understand, and even is full of resentment towards his children
In the process of educating his son, his behavior can also be said to be somewhat violent
Does this kind of education really not have a negative impact on children?
It is said that parents are the first teachers of a child
The growth of a child is naturally inseparable from the guidance and influence of parents
Especially for boys, parents must teach him well,
01
There is a boy in the family, and the parents must accept him unconditionally
Writer Fan Deng pointed out in his book "Accompanying Children to Grow Up For Life"
"Every child is like a living plant, and as parents, we want to allow children to grow in their own way"
In addition, he wrote, "The three pillars of parenting are: unconditional love, a sense of value, and a lifelong growth mentality."
So, what is unconditional love?
The so-called unconditional love is that your love for your child is not exchanged
Whether he is excellent or ordinary, whether he is tall or fat, you must accept the child unconditionally
To love them is to love all their strengths and weaknesses
However, in reality, we often see many such parents
They are always picky and selective about their children, hoping that their children will be perfect in everything
To this end, they find ways to make children make various changes
And once the child does not meet their expectations, they will be dissatisfied
Thus giving the child a feeling of "you are not like this, I will not love you"
Just like the father Zhang in the opening story, in his heart, he and his wife are very good at learning, so their son should be the same
Therefore, he feels that his son's poor study is "stupid"
But I forget that learning well or not is not the only criterion for judging whether a person is smart or not
The famous French writer Romain Rolland once said:
"Even in the ugliest of kids, there is something new and there is endless hope"
And Rousseau also pointed out: "Do not make a good or bad evaluation of the child too early"
A child does not study well, which does not mean that he is "stupid"
This can only show that he lacks a little talent in reading, but as long as you observe carefully, you will always find
Children may be particularly prominent somewhere else
"Plum blossoms are better than incense, peach blossoms are better than color", in the wilderness of spring, even the most humble flowers have their own beauty
I have a junior high school classmate who usually studies very hard, but he finishes at the bottom of every exam
Both teachers and parents think she is "too stupid"
But she is very skillful
Always do all kinds of handmade rag dolls for us
Later, after going to college, she chose fashion design, not only had excellent grades in the class, but also participated in campus design competitions many times and achieved great results
As a parent, in the process of teaching children
The first thing we have to do is to accept our children unconditionally
Accept his shortcomings, accept his ordinariness, accept all his imperfections
Remember that the child is an independent being, he does not exist by your will, he has his own personality, his own strengths and weaknesses, and should have his own way of growing up
And only when you do this, the child will feel full of love and confidence
Such a child will naturally be welcomed by many people, and will naturally be full of enthusiasm and confidence in themselves, others, and the world
Instead of smashing classmates and stepping on puppies like the kid in the story, as if the whole world were his enemies
02
Don't punish your child with violence
Mr. Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental, pointed out in a speech
"Educators can be illiterate, they can't read or write, but they teach you to go beyond yourself, beyond your mission in this world, beyond your limits, beyond your talents."
Many times, what parents say to their children often determines what kind of person they will become in the future
Especially when children make mistakes, the response of parents is very critical
After Zhang's father found out that his son had smashed his classmate, his first reaction was to immediately reprimand him and kick the child fiercely
The anger and helplessness in his heart, we can understand
But seriously, such an education method will only arouse the child's inner rebellion and make him go further and further down the wrong path
It may even set a wrong example for the child to think that violence is a reasonable way to vent
As a result, there is little benefit to educating children
The Soviet educator Makarenko once said: "Beatings are used to educate children, but similar to the offspring of apes."
As the saying goes: without love, there is no education
In the process of educating their children, if there is no love and love, parents only know how to blindly punish and suppress children
Then the purpose of education will not be achieved, but will only leave a shadow in the hearts of children, bringing them completely negative influences
Even greater violence is triggered by violence
Just like Daddy Zhang's children, they have no pity for puppies
Be a parent, be sure to remember
If your child makes a mistake, you must control your emotions
Help him patiently analyze his behavior, guide him to recognize his mistakes, only in this way can the child truly feel your love and care, in order to consciously correct themselves, and become better and better
03
What you do to the child, the child will do to the world
Child Psychology Research argues
The weaknesses in human nature are formed as children, and more than 60% come from his original family.
That is to say, how do you treat a child as a child
Then how will he treat the world when he grows up
Zhang's father hopes that his son has excellent character and learning, and his son can't do it and become a "stupid child" in his eyes.
So when the female classmates are not willing to play with themselves, at this time, Zhang Daddy's son feels that the other party is an "enemy" and hits the other party with stones
When Zhang's father saw his son doing something wrong, he either hit or scolded the child, only caring to vent his emotions, without considering the child's feelings and needs at all
So when the child faced a puppy that was weaker than him, he did not consider the feelings and needs of the puppy, and he also acted violently against the puppy
As parents, we must pay attention to our behavior and the way we speak and do things
In the process of raising children, reflect more on yourself, give children a little more understanding and acceptance, a little more patience and companionship
In this way, the child can become a positive, sunny heart, and full of love for others and the world
So do you think that Daddy Zhang's children are born or acquired, welcome to leave your views in the comment area, see you in the next issue.