Recently, Aaron Kwok's wife, Fang Yuan, the sister-in-law of Tianwang, shared her love for her family online - and personally made dumplings for her family to eat!
However, netizens were unexpectedly attracted by the small pot of dumpling filling in the picture.
It turned out to be a very ordinary plastic basin, which looked like a washbasin.
Some netizens said that tianwang's sister-in-law also used plastic pots to fill dumplings? It seems that there is a problem with the family status!
Some netizens said:
This exposes the original family, right?
Fang Yuan was born in a small county town in Wuhu, Anhui Province, grew up in the countryside, and the original family is indeed very general, so netizens will comment like this.
The melon-eating masses originally looked at the big and small things in the entertainment industry with the psychology of gossip, but this comment caused people to think deeply:
Since when did the family of origin become the cause of many problems?
Some of the original families have indeed caused great obstacles to the child's life, and it can even be said to be a nightmare.
For example, Zhang Shaohan, who was asked for high alimony by his mother,
Not being satisfied, he denigrated his daughter for drug use, which caused her career to suffer a heavy blow.
For example, Mao Xiaotong, because she is a girl, was thrown into the trash by her father at birth, and after her daughter became famous, she asked for 50 million alimony, otherwise she would have to
"Hell together".
But these are very extreme individual cases.
In ordinary families, is the influence of the original family on the child really that great?
01
How much influence does the family of origin affect us?
There is an oft-quoted quote that goes something like this:
Lucky people heal their whole lives with childhood, and unfortunate people heal their childhood with a lifetime.
This sentence fully illustrates the great influence of the original family on people.
For example, Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy" has a beautiful face and talent, but she is deeply trapped in the quagmire of her original family and cannot be relieved.
Indeed, the original family will leave an indelible mark on the growth of the child,
But that doesn't mean it determines everything.
Ma Tianyu's original family can be said to be very unfortunate. He was born in a rural family in Dezhou, Shandong Province, and his mother died when he was 5 years old, after which his father gambled and drank, and his debts could not be repaid, leaving his children to run away.
But he did not resent the misfortune brought to him by his original family, but chose to work hard.
How many people's original families are perfect?
If we infinitely enlarge a defect in the original family, complain about our parents, and influence ourselves, it can only create a vicious circle.
So, how should we reconcile with our families of origin?
02
Reconcile with the family of origin,
Wisdom and self-reliance are needed...
We begin to examine the original family, perhaps from the psychologist Wu Zhihong's "Why The Family Hurts People", which points directly to some families committing "original sin" in the growth of their children, revealing the human nature hidden behind the parent-child love.
However, the purpose of our understanding of these is not to dissect our parents, and then complain, and to attribute some of our own problems to the adverse effects of the family.
Instead, after understanding, you can often examine your heart, have more love and understanding of your children in your own parenting, and let your children have a better "original family".
For our own original family, father and mother, we need to reconcile with them.
Although Mom and Dad are the closest people to their children, they also have their own temper and personality, and have insurmountable shortcomings, such as selfishness, laziness, irritability or irresponsibility, and so on.
It does not mean that parents can suddenly become saints who have no flaws in character, personality, wisdom, etc.
Although the titles "dad" and "mom" are sacred, most parents are ordinary people with such shortcomings.
Therefore, we have reason to reconcile with them, because there is a natural love between the child and the parent, which is close from blood, and as long as we understand and tolerate, we can forgive the parents and let ourselves go.
How long does this process take? Vary
Maybe some people have realized it very early, and some people can't let go of it for a lifetime.
This is related to a person's growth experience and life thinking, in general, it is what we need
"Self-crossing"
。
●
Understand the imperfections of the original family,
For the good side, we take nourishment from it; on the bad side, avoid it and don't let ourselves be affected.
Don't use some weak points of the original family as an excuse to lie flat,
For example, "My parents did not graduate from elementary school, how could I be admitted to Tsinghua?" "Even if you can't pass the exam, the process of struggle will still make people harvest full."
When you become powerful,
Reaction to the family of origin,
Turn the direction of family development to the benign side.
In this way, self-redemption is completed and the family status is improved.
(However, it is not excluded that a very small number of parents have no love for their children and regard their children as "tool people" who pursue fame and profit, if it is such a native family, it is not necessary to leave too heavy a psychological burden as soon as possible.)
For example, Wang Yongqiang, a postdoctoral fellow at Peking University, refused to go back to see her until his mother died, because the original family had no affection for him and only used him as a cash machine, and he was already discouraged. ）
Each child has its own original family, and after getting married and having children, we and the other half form the child's original family.
How to make the new family of origin a fertile ground for nourishing children's growth?
03
Create a good native family for children,
The most important thing parents should do is these things...
Although the original family cannot be perfect, we can still work hard to run a good original family for our children.
How should I do this?
Establish a good relationship between husband and wife
There is a saying:
The best education is that dad loves mom.
Parental love can put the family in a good mood and help foster a sense of security in the child.
Parents have the right three views
Parents have three views, then there is no problem with the cornerstone of educating children,
With the words and deeds of parents, children can learn to see the world in the right light.
A state of mind that is constantly enterprising
The mental state of the parent directly affects the child's future development.
Just think, parents who are addicted to playing games after work and parents who study at home will definitely have a different impact on their children than parents who study at home.
04
Good living habits
Good living habits not only affect the quality of life of children in the future, but also affect the health of children.
For example, keeping the family clean and tidy, eating moderately, actively exercising, etc., if the original family has such a habit, the child is likely to inherit it in the future.