Unlock the causes of anxiety for Chinese parents

▲Pay attention to "Bully Sister Mathematics"

I have been in the education industry for many years, and I feel very deeply that in China, almost 90% of Chinese parents are very anxious about their children's education.

What causes them anxiety?

From my observation, most of them are the standards and requirements that parents want their children to achieve, and if the children can't meet them, parents will be anxious and fall into the confusion of "why other people's children are so good, but when they come to my home, they become like this". As a result, family conflicts are on the verge of erupting.

I believe that this situation can be traced in many families.

/ 01 /

A few days ago, I heard the neighbor's house, the child because of littering, by the mother loudly scolded: "Look at you, put these things littered, everywhere, not at all about hygiene!" ”

The more the mother scolded, the more energetic, the long-term accumulation of emotions instantly erupted, picked up the hanger, slammed the child, while whipping while scolding hard: "Let you not pay attention to hygiene, do not pay attention to hygiene, all day dirty!" ”

The sound of the hanger hitting the skin, the screaming of the child, the angry roar of the mother, three different sounds, interlaced with each other, resentment, dissatisfaction, helplessness filled the whole room.

/ 02 /

I heard it in the next room and couldn't help but feel something about it.

I wondered, why does this child have the habit of not paying attention to hygiene and throwing things around?

Was he born that way?

I pondered, seeking answers.

No, it's not that children are born unhygienic.

According to the scene I have seen in the past, the neighbor's house is relatively sloppy, the things are not neatly placed, I feel that things are casually put on the line, nothing exquisite, it looks dirty, messy, poor, and uncomfortable.

In this way, I found the root of the problem: parents themselves did not give their children a good example and demonstration, parents do not pay attention to hygiene, but ask their children to pay attention to hygiene.

Parents themselves can't do things, but ask their children to do it, which is the root cause of the contradictions in many of our families.

The child does not pay attention to hygiene, not he is born, his habit is through the subtle influence of the parents, because the parents did not demonstrate in front of the child how to do is to pay attention to hygiene, so the child does not understand the correct approach.

/ 03 /

If you want your child to do something, first the mother herself does it, and then the child.

Parents are a child's first teacher and the most profoundly influential person in life.

Many parents will put their unfulfilled life goals or regrets on their children, and regard their children as their second life counterattack.

If this idea arises, parents will regard their children as their own whole, even tools.

For parents, it is gradually losing themselves; for children, life is bound everywhere, the more children are controlled, the more they want to flee, resist, and even rebel...

/ 04 /

Everyone is a person who exists independently.

As a parent, it should be unconditional love to give to the child.

What is unconditional love?

It's not how many points you score to love you, how many awards you take before I kiss you. It's that I love you, just because you're my child, I'm your mom, nothing more.

The child's love for his parents is natural and unconditional, whether the mother is rich or poor, excellent or mediocre, the child knows from birth that the mother is the best person for the child in the world.

But this, on the other hand, is not the case for many Chinese parents. Their love for their children is demanding, and once the child does not meet their requirements, they cause anxiety, fall into deep self-doubt, and doubt the child's mud.

It is unrealistic to pin all your hopes on your child.

Because I always believe that only myself is the most reliable hope, so I have always said to myself, to myself as the center, not to others as the protagonist, I am the master and master of life, and the change and progress that happens to myself is the most reliable investment and income!

Because sooner or later the child will also be separated from his parents and independently pursue his own life, why should we embarrass ourselves and take his life as our center?

/ 05 /

My proposition is not to tell parents to leave it completely alone, but to think that parents should be self-centered and not led by the nose of their children.

Parents want to make their children excellent, so they must first be excellent and give their children a practical example and demonstration.

Let the child feel what is change.

Change and progress can indeed be achieved through concrete actions.

Educating people before educating themselves is the best education for children.

The best way to break the anxiety of parenting is for parents to focus on themselves, focus on their own lifelong growth, and balance their family, career, interpersonal relationships and the pursuit of life values.

I believe that investing in yourself will yield far more rewards than investing in others, and the success rate will be higher.

From today on, be an enterprising parent, make yourself more excellent is king, otherwise everything is nonsense!

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