In life, we can often see such a scene: the mother is scolding the child, the child is scolded and weeps bitterly, but still asks the mother for a hug.
I have seen a message before, saying that a small child accidentally overturned the water cup because he wanted to help his mother do housework at home, so the mother scolded the child with all her might, and even beat the child, and the hand was not light, and the neighbor on the side felt that the situation was a little serious, so he called the police.
When the police arrived, they saw that the child had obvious traces of being beaten by the mother, and in order to protect the legitimate rights and interests of the child, the police were ready to take the mother away from the scene.
However, at this time, an unexpected scene appeared, although the child was scolded by his mother, but when he saw that the police wanted to take away his mother, he hugged his mother and begged the police not to take away his mother, such a scene looked as if the police were "bad people".
So, why do parents have some harsh language for their children, or after physical punishment, children are not afraid of their parents, but more dependent on their parents?
Why do children still ask for hugs after being reprimanded? You have to understand the "truth" behind it
Children's feelings for their parents are unimaginable to many people, and although they will cry when they are reprimanded, the reasons for crying may not be what adults think.
● The child asks for a hug to "comfort" the parent's emotions
In the child's mind, parents are a very important existence, it can be said that parents are everything for children. Therefore, the child's feelings for the parents are very deep, when the parents appear to scold the child's behavior, the child will feel that the parents are in a serious negative emotional interference state, the parents are unhappy, is angry.
Seeing this negative state of parents, children are more of a worry about parents and the guilt of angering parents, so children will use their own ways to soothe parents' emotions.
For children, hugging is a good way, because when the child is in a bad mood, parents often use such a way to comfort the child, and the child will think that hugging is an effective way to alleviate the negative emotions of parents. Therefore, the child cries and begs for a hug, most likely "taking care" of the parent.
● The child asks for a hug because he wants to admit his mistake
Although children are ignorant and ignorant, they are not difficult to learn, on the contrary, children generally have a strong desire for knowledge.
Therefore, when the child does something wrong and is reprimanded by the parents, the child wants to admit his mistake and seek the right solution.
However, because children do not have the language expression ability as strong as adults, they can only admit their mistakes in the way of hugging, and let parents calm down and tell themselves the right way.
When the child makes a mistake, if he chooses to hug in the face of the parents' reprimand, rather than escape, then it is likely that the child wants to admit the mistake, and the parents can recognize it.
● Children ask for hugs because they want to get more sense of security
As in the case mentioned earlier, basically all children's source of security is the parent, because the parent is the person who accompanies the child from the birth of the child, the person who educates and raises the child, and the person who gets along with the child day and night.
Therefore, even if the parents scold the child, the child will still think that the parent is their most important person, is worthy of their own trust, the parent scolds himself only because he made a mistake, the wrong is not the parent, because the parent is right to do anything.
But at the same time, the behavior of scolding will also make the child lose the sense of security, so the child will have such a contradictory behavior: both fear of the parent's scolding, but also need the parent to give the child a sense of security. This is also one of the reasons why the child in the above case did not let the police take away his mother.
It is not right to educate children with scolding, but it will also have the opposite effect, don't take it seriously
Many parents may use scolding to educate their children when their children make mistakes, thinking that this will make their children remember for a long time and not make mistakes next time.
However, this kind of rough education method generally does not achieve the ideal educational effect.
Swearing is more of an emotional outlet
It is said that it is an educational method, in fact, most parents scold their children, mostly because the child's wrong behavior makes the parents emotionally excited, makes the parents angry, and the parents use their "elder status" to vent their children's emotions.
And this kind of venting is rarely helpful for the correction of children's mistakes, and more is to make children become "emotional trash cans" rather than to gain growth.
Verbal abuse is a seriously inefficient educational tool
After the child's wrong behavior, what parents need to do as educators is to help the child recognize the mistake, correct the mistake, let the child understand what is right, so as to achieve the child's growth.
However, scolding obviously does not have such a role, because in the scolding behavior, the child receives more pressure from the parents, rather than the correct way to deal with things, not the endowment of knowledge, not the correct guidance, so most children will still make mistakes after accepting the severe criticism of the parents.
Some parents see that their children have repeatedly made mistakes, and they also question their children and themselves "opposite", but they do not know at all, in fact, the fundamental reason why children cannot grow up effectively, repeated mistakes, and repeated mistakes is that parents' education methods are not right.
For example, if the child does something wrong, the parent needs to explain the correct method to the child, instead of scolding the child, you scold more, the child still does not know how to do.
Swearing can set the wrong example for a child
In addition, the behavior of scolding children will also establish a wrong example for children, so that children feel that scolding behavior is a growing communication behavior.
This may lead to the formation of a senseless "acute temper" in the child, when the child communicates with others, it is likely to become irritable and irritable, emotional fluctuations, thereby affecting the child's social, and then affect the child's learning and life.
Write at the end
When educating children, parents should be more patient, less impatient, more guidance and encouragement to children, less scolding of children, after all, our purpose is to let children grow up healthily, not to become an air bag.
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