When children are "willful", how to deal with them as parents...

01

It is not difficult to find in life that some children are very obedient, and he can listen to what his parents say, and he is willing to do what his parents say.

In contrast, some children are very "sharp", that is, very willful. As long as their desires are not satisfied, they will throw around and willfully.

Wayward children, let parents have a headache.

A few days ago, the person who sent the advertisement passed by the door of Xiaoshi's house and sent him and his mother an advertising leaflet.

At this time, the three-year-old little stone sat on a small stool. He rested one calf on the other, shaking his head and pointing to the flowery items on the bill.

Mom complimented him on recognizing a lot of things. At this time, the little pudding of two and a half years old upstairs came, and he picked up another advertising leaflet.

The little stone got up to grab it. Mom wouldn't allow him to grab the ad from Little Pudding's hand.

Seeing that the little stone was about to pounce on it, her mother's face changed, and she grabbed him and scolded the little stone for not knowing how to share.

As he spoke, his mother pressed the small stone shoulder and asked him to sit down.

"Wow," little stone cried.

Mom pointed to his head and motioned for him to hit him if he cried again. Saying that the little wooden stick really hit the little stone on the buttocks. The little stone's cry became even louder.

For the willfulness of the little stone, the mother was helpless and annoyed.

From a psychological point of view, children have a period of psychological resistance in the process of growing up. During this period, if the child's needs are not met, they will become very willful.

Sometimes parents think that their children are incomprehensible, but in fact this is a process needed for children to grow.

02

Research by American psychologist William Cork shows that the child's willfulness is a manifestation of psychological needs.

The "willfulness" of the little stone is because the little pudding took his own things without his consent. And his mother not only did not stop the little pudding, but blamed him, so he felt wronged.

When this mentality could not be appeased, he "opposed" his mother, and had no choice but to cry in protest. If you don't achieve your goal, you won't give up.

If the mother attaches importance to this psychology, she will understand that Xiaoshi began to know how to protect his own things, and he had a sense of "property rights".

At this time, parents should be happy for their children, because the child can realize that "this thing is mine" itself is a big leap.

Willfulness is not the child's fault, it is a manifestation of the child's psychological needs.

This kind of willfulness is essentially a kind of rebellious psychology against parents, and its root cause is that parents do not pay attention to their psychological needs.

From the perspective of growth rules, during the period of 0-6 years old, children will experience various sensitive periods such as "stubborn sensitivity period", "perfect sensitivity period", "order sensitive period", "emotional sensitivity period" and so on.

For example, if you give your child an apple and you think he can't finish eating it, take a bite or cut a piece, and the child will cry.

Because the child is in the "perfect sensitivity period" at this time, it is appropriate to meet him. If the child is in a bad mood, we don't blame him, and soon he will no longer demand perfection in everything.

Others burst into tears when their parents sent them to school. That's because it disrupts the usual order. Who walks in front and who walks in the back, the child's psychology is fixed.

If his normal needs are met during the "order sensitive period", the child can be cultivated in good order.

At this time, the child's willfulness is normal, and we must give respect and acceptance and reasonable satisfaction.

03

For the child's "willfulness", Kobayashi's mother has done a good job and is worth learning.

Before dinner, Kobayashi wants to eat sugar. His mother didn't give him food, and he got angry and rolled on the ground and cried.

Mom neither yelled at him nor ignored him. Instead, he gently picked up Kobayashi and told him, "I know you want to eat that sugar, and mom likes to eat it too." But now it's time to eat, and after eating, Mom eats with you. ”

Kobayashi was suspicious, and his mother took the opportunity to say: "I know you can't eat candy, so angry, so sad, oh, I let you touch it, pull a hook with it, and say that you will eat it after eating, okay?" ”

Kobayashi's needs were understood, accepted, and broke into laughter.

Psychology shows that a child's willfulness is an energy that will come and go. Adults should not interfere, but let the children learn how to deal with their own willfulness.

What we adults have to do is to give our children unlimited love and support, so that they can learn to live with their negative emotions.

If you use the method of avoidance to ignore the child's willfulness, the child will use substitutes to escape when he grows up.

The 15-year-old learned to smoke and drink, and he was out of control. No matter how much his parents advised him, he was indifferent.

The child's willfulness is because when he was a child, no matter whether the requirements were reasonable or not, he would give whatever parents wanted, and if he did not give it to him, he would play tricks.

In order to save themselves peace of mind, parents choose to escape. Blindly meet the requirements of children, so that children are more and more bottomless, and they have to make progress.

Obedience to children will only make children feel taken for granted, solipsistic, and more and more willful.

Blindly suppressing the child's willfulness will make the child have no personality of his own, and they will obey others and have no opinion.

A survey of 991 children aged 9 to 14 showed that 36 percent of children said their partners wanted to smoke marijuana themselves, 40 percent said their partners wanted him to try premarital sex, and 36 percent were asked by their peers to go to a store to steal.

And the children who have the opinion will not listen to people's instigation, they have their own judgment.

04

Parents should not compromise on the "willful" behavior of their children.

Regardless of whether the child's requirements are reasonable or not, they are satisfied, and parents will accommodate their children without principle, and will let the children do whatever they want, selfishly, and willfully.

Children are "willful", and parents cannot deny it all. Children who have not been satisfied for a long time will have dissatisfaction and confrontation.

Or blind obedience to adults, timidity and fear, thus losing personality.

When we understand that the child's "willfulness" is a psychological need, both respect him and not accommodate him without principle, and the child's psychology will develop healthily.

For "wayward" children, parents do the following four points, the child's willfulness will be improved, and thus mental health.

1. When the child is willful and noisy, do not split your head and cover your face to criticize severely, or even scold.

You can take advantage of the situation, be positive and patient, and explain to the child the reason that unreasonable requirements cannot be met.

2. Divert your child's attention.

For example, if a child is clamoring for a dog, he can take him to the park to see other animals. Lively and cute animals will attract the child's attention and free him from willfulness.

3. If necessary, a little "punishment".

When the child cries, "cold" him for a while. When he can't hold his breath, seize the opportunity to explain to the child the reason why he can't meet his requirements. And point out that his waywardness is not right, so that he will not do it again in the future.

4. Communicate patiently with your child.

Parents tell their children what they think and then listen to their children's thoughts.

According to a survey, about two-thirds of children in China lack communication with their parents. Good communication with children can enhance parent-child relationships, and good relationships can make parents have a positive influence on their children.

The child's willfulness is not innate, it is the result of the failure of family education. May every family develop harmoniously and unite and love.