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John Christopher: "The most painful thing in the world is to recall happy days in times of misfortune; for a soft heart, the most unfortunate thing is to experience a taste of happiness!" ”
Just as the so-called "from frugality to luxury, from luxury to frugality", in the days of poverty and loneliness, as long as a noble person pulls you along, you can easily live a good life. However, if you do not know how to cherish, do not know the blessing in the blessing, lose the noble, whether you have the ability to maintain a happy life, after falling back into misfortune, what greets you is great pain.
If a person has been unlucky, there is nothing to get used to, there is no contrast and gap, there will be no heartache. I am afraid of life like "riding a roller coaster", feeling the excitement of reaching the top, and after life has fallen, the feelings that you want but can't get will always torment you.
There is no shortage of such problems in the emotional world, such as some men once had a good wife but did not know how to cherish, some mothers-in-law once had a good daughter-in-law but did not know how to cherish, after losing, if they do not have the ability to maintain happiness, live a worse life than before, not painful.
The following content of the mother-in-law's confession is about the above kind of problem, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
People are old, too angry, not a good thing.
In life, there are many things that are not accustomed to seeing, and I really can't make a fight. Especially for the family, we should not compete because we are not used to it, otherwise we will only beg for ourselves.
Leaving the "good temper" to outsiders and the "bad temper" to the family is not only young people, but many elderly people will also make such mistakes.
My miserable life today is related to this, I used to always look at my daughter-in-law unfavorably: as soon as I saw her buying things in large bags, I felt that she did not understand life and always spent money indiscriminately; as soon as I saw her calling for friends to come to the house, I felt that she was unfaithful to my son and should not get too close to others.
Even if she would patiently explain to me, even if she did not dare to argue with me, even if she had been silent and did not speak, I did not treat her better, and always felt that she was under-cleaned, under-taught, and uneducated.
What I didn't know was that the habits and philosophies of our two generations were different; what I didn't know was that in my eyes, she was the best person to be a wife, a wife of Wangfu, who could not only manage my son well, but also did not need my son to worry about many things.
I did not achieve great wisdom and foolishness, did not think that "children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren", blindly thought that I, as a mother-in-law and mother, must manage them, and as a result ruined their marriage.
In fact, there were already signs before this, because my daughter-in-law gradually did not bother to explain to me, a broken can and a broken posture, allowing me to bully her, without even a look of resistance. This is clearly evidence of disappointment in me, and it is clear that I am conniving at my mistakes in disguise, but I have turned a blind eye, which is really sad.
After she divorced my son, I did not realize the consequences, still looked at her unpleasantly, and thought that it was just right to leave, so that I could usher in a pleasing daughter-in-law.
The later daughter-in-law did look more pleasing to her eyes than her, but it only looked like this, and when she really got along, she found that she was too far away from her previous daughter-in-law: impatient, too temperamental, never talking to my son in a good voice, let alone begging her to talk to me well.
I don't know what handle my son has caught by her, and he is becoming more and more humble in front of her, becoming more and more non-committal, and finally has a great impact on my life: my son does not care about me, I am helpless.
At this time, when I think of my previous daughter-in-law, in contrast, I really feel that it is a world of difference.
Whether my son regretted it or not I don't know, I just know that I was super sorry, I didn't know the blessing in the blessing, and I lost the blessing in my hand.
If I can summarize my experience in one sentence, I think it can only be: "the old man has no one to rely on" to understand that the daughter-in-law let the mother-in-law bully, is the most cruel revenge for the mother-in-law. What do you think?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
When people are at a low ebb, when they are in adversity, they are accustomed to thinking of retribution and revenge, and feel that they must have made some big mistake before, which led to today's evil consequences.
From a causal point of view, this makes sense. A mistake corresponds to a penalty, sometimes the penalty does not take effect immediately, and it may take many years to take effect.
But strictly speaking, there are many loopholes in the causal loop that spans too long, because in the middle process, there are many variables that can be used, and it is not necessarily a mistake a long time ago that created the current result.
Combined with this line of thinking to see the mother-in-law's experience, she said that the result of her "old and helpless" was the retribution for bullying her daughter-in-law, and it was the daughter-in-law's revenge on her: from an emotional point of view, it is understandable that she found a psychological support for herself; but from a factual point of view, the problem is not all about this.
If you look at the day of her son's daughter-in-law's divorce as a starting point, she and her son can completely reflect on it and look for a good daughter-in-law with their hearts. As long as she no longer bullied her current daughter-in-law like she did the previous daughter-in-law, even if she made a mistake in the previous daughter-in-law, she would not be left alone.
So the most critical problem is that she did not recognize her own problems, did not take her son's marriage seriously, and all the tragedies were caused by herself and had nothing to do with others.
I hope that others will pay attention to this kind of problem, do not repeatedly make mistakes but do not know it, otherwise they will go farther and farther down a wrong road and will not have a good life in the end.