Xiao Hong
In 1942, in the French Hospital in Hong Kong, a frail woman lay dying on a hospital bed, and on her deathbed, she murmured: "All my life is white-eyed, and I die first, I am not willing!" Unwilling! ”
She is Xiao Hong, who is only 31 years old.
A friend once commented on Xiao Hong: "She doesn't look very long-lived!" That's a slur. In a short period of 31 years, this woman has completed all the roads of her life early.
"Deep love is not longevity", it is best to use it on Xiao Hong.
She lacked love all her life, and she used up her life's strength on the road to love, until her strength ran out and she also came to the end of her life.
In other words, from the very beginning, Xiao Hong's life was doomed to a tragic end.
First, the original family lacks love, and the father prefers sons to daughters
Xiao Hong's face on the old photo is beautiful, delicate and simple, although this appearance is not as dazzling as a star, but it also makes countless men bend their waists.
However, Xiao Hong's beauty is not only limited to her appearance, when she is pregnant with Liujia, she can also let two men obsess and fall for her without complaint or regret, and this innate charm has long been engraved in her bones.
Only because Xiao Hong's mother, Jiang Yulan, is also an uncompromising beauty, Xiao Hong has also inherited the genes of this beauty. Unfortunately, when Xiao Hong was nine years old, her mother died of illness, and since then, the lonely Xiao Hong sister and brother have lived with their father.
Xiao Hong and her mother Jiang Yulan
There is no hostess in the house, just like there is no glue, even if the two children are the biological children of Xiao Father Zhang Tingju, what about this? After the death of his wife, Zhang Tingju, like all the thin lovers in the world, quickly remarried again, and never cared about Xiao Hong's sisters and brothers in time.
The ancients all said that "a man pitied his wife", and Zhang Tingju's whole heart was occupied by his wife Liang Yalan from then on, and he could no longer divide his heart.
But Xiao Hong is a girl with abundant feelings, she is sensitive and slender, living like a kitten in a home without the warmth of her mother, Xiao Hong once said that she and her stepmother are very polite and distant, and she sometimes points at Sang Huai to satirize herself.
In the large and cold mansion, the only one who could give Xiao Hong warmth was her grandparents. Grandfather was a kind and gentle old man, he always planted fruit trees in his small garden, and when summer came, Xiao Hong came to walk with his grandfather.
Xiao Hong's grandfather
Grandfather wore a big straw hat, Xiao Hong wore a small straw hat, which was a rare parent-child time for the grandchildren, but unfortunately this kind of comfortable day was no longer there when she was a teenager.
Grandpa is gone, and Xiao Hong has become a kitten living in the cracks, sensitive and stubborn. Her father, who preferred sons to daughters, never paid much attention to her, and even when Xiao Hong proposed to study in Beiping, her father broke her dream on the grounds that she was a girl and did not need to read too many books.
Fortunately, only her grandfather was behind her to support her in the search for her dreams. Therefore, in Xiao Hong's heart, her grandfather was the only light when she was young, but unfortunately, this glimmer of light stopped abruptly before she graduated.
Maiden Xiao Hong
And this short glimmer of light has become Xiao Hong's lifelong moth-like pursuit of fighting fire.
Second, break off relations with the father and break up with the fiancé
As a big girl, Xiao Hong could have listened to her father's words at home, married and listened to her husband's words, and lived a traditional and conservative life. But she hated her father so much that she refused to do so.
Xiao Hong hated her father for no reason, when her father did not let himself study, but spent money for his brother to study.
In 1931, the 20-year-old Xiao Hong was promised a family affair by her father, and the other party was Wang Enjia, a disciple of The Fool.
Wang Enjia is not proud, the biggest pleasure is smoking, and Xiao Hong had a heart at that time, and she was infatuated with her cousin when her love dou first opened. Just like Wang Yuyan's love for her cousin Murong Fu in the "Eight Parts of the Heavenly Dragon", it was so simple that there was no resistance.
She knew that her cousin had a family, but only because her cousin cared about her when she was most frustrated, which made Xiao Hong intoxicated and infatuated, she simply thought that her cousin would protect herself.
It's like a girl who is desperately lacking in love being seduced by a man who can be tricked away for only fifty cents.
For this pure first love, Xiao Hong eloped with her cousin after a big fight with her father, which was the first time she openly rebelled against her father.
But the shelf life of the cousin's love was very short, and it was not long before the cousin returned to the family.
Xiao Hong, who felt hopeless in life, tasted the hardships of life for the first time, after she returned home disappointed, she was once again scolded by her uncle and father, and her daughter had this incident, her father felt disgraced, he listened to the advice of others, tried to beat the rebellious and disobedient Xiao Hong to death, and removed her from the family tree by the way, so as not to shame the entire family.
At the moment when his father began to kill, Xiao Hong's heart was like dead ashes, what a family! What a genealogy! All of them are not worth scrapping copper and rotten iron.
Xiao Hong's father
Because she never got the guidance of her parents, Xiao Hong's life could only stagger forward like touching a stone and crossing the river by herself, she was late and fragile, and rebellious to the point of horror.
Xiao Hong understood the principle of "the son is not the fault of the father", but in the end, the father did not admit it, and he also killed his own daughter on the grounds of the family's face.
What a family face! Xiao Hong smiled coldly and desperately, and never returned home after escaping from home on a dark night.
The vast world outside fascinates Xiao Hong, and she meets her fiancé Wang Enjia again in the bustling world. In the face of this man, Xiao Hong can't hate it, Xiao Hong, who lives in the alternating era of the old and the new, may not have understood the meaning of "independent woman", and she can only live with Wang Enjia in order to survive.
However, in order not to marry Wang Enjia before, Xiao Hong had long severed her relationship with her father, and the marriage contract between the two was annulled.
Now nameless and unbeknownst to Xiao Hong, she came together with Wang Enjia and conceived a child for him, which laid a heavy and absurd foreshadowing for her tragic life and ultimate fate.
When Xiao Hong was approaching childbirth, Wang Enjia, like his cousin at that time, also abandoned her again. At that moment, Xiao Hong felt that she had become a joke.
Home can never go back, can only stay in a small hotel to survive.
Everyone is in the hall, and now it has really become a disaster.
Xiao Jun: He is like a heavy rain, and he can quickly wet you
In August, the summer mood in Harbin gradually dissipated, and the city launched a flood.
The water gradually spread over people's knees and thighs, and finally flowed freely through people's waists.
Xiao Hong, who was pregnant with Liujia, hid in the hotel anxious and worried, and it wasn't long before the water spread to the bed.
At this moment, a man rowed a boat to the front of the hotel, and he rescued Xiao Hong with Kong Wu's powerful arms and ropes.
Xiao Jun and Xiao Hong
Men are like gods, when Xiao Hong needs help the most, he always appears in surprise, he is Xiao Jun, the most important man in Xiao Hong's life.
Their origin is that he saved her in the flood.
Whenever she thought of this, Xiao Hong's heart pounded, after all, beautiful women love heroes, this man is too fascinating, and it is completely different from the two men who betrayed themselves before. Most importantly, Xiao Jun also liked her and tolerated the fetus in his womb.
Xiao Hong had thought more than ten thousand times: "Girl, spring has really arrived!" You are no longer a bitter child whose life is sourer than an apricot! ”
Sure enough, Xiao Jun's arrival gave Xiao Hong a taste of sweetness.
And Xiao Jun, during the period of love, also willingly became Xiao Hong's coolie and laborer. In order to feed Xiao Hong and the fetus in his belly, Xiao Jun desperately wrote manuscripts to earn contribution fees.
Two young people without a fixed income, but with a romantic mentality that does not belong to the times, they are like all couples, they love to play, love to make trouble, and love to try new and interesting things.
Of course, the cost of the two is also relatively large, when the most depressed, the two wear a pair of pants, when Xiao Jun goes out, he wears these pants, and when Xiao Hong goes out, she wears these pants.
Poor love makes them both happy.
Under the guidance of Xiao Jun, Xiao Hong officially entered the literary world, and her "Field of Life and Death" made everyone who read this book crazy. As a result, Xiao Hong's reputation gradually boiled over, and even surpassed Xiao Jun for a period of time.
At this time, Xiao Jun did not change his mind, until the two went to join Mr. Lu Xun's door, Xiao Jun's feelings for Xiao Hong underwent a qualitative change, only because Lu Xun said: "Xiao Hong can replace Ding Ling, she relies on talent to create, and you are only diligent and can make up for it." The implication is that In the future, Xiao Hong's reputation will definitely overshadow Xiao Jun.
A weak woman who once relied on herself to support herself, one day her career exceeded her own, which was a kind of irony for the men of that era, because he had long been accustomed to the life of strong men and weak women.
Since your career is not as good as your Xiao Hong, then I will suppress you in other aspects. The evil flower in Xiao Jun's heart gradually took root, and he began to stay at night and go elsewhere to find fun.
What about Xiao Hong? She is not a big woman, the framework of the times has long been trapped in her, if she leaves Xiao Jun, her life will lose its motivation, in the first half of her life, only Xiao Jun really loved herself.
Xiao Hong, like a child who lacks love, frantically pleases Xiao Jun, eager to draw a trace of pity from him again, but in exchange for Xiao Jun's alienation and fist.
A soldier from the ranks, naturally did not pity Xiang Xiangyu when she got down, and when Xiao Hong stood in front of her friends with a red nose and a swollen face, she lied that she had fallen. But Xiao Jun said with sarcasm and pride: "Don't ask for a face, obviously I hit it." ”
Xiao Jun
At this moment, the fig leaf she had carefully sewn was torn to pieces by Xiao Jun, and she even heard the sound of broken dignity.
Xiao Hong's humility in her feelings is in everyone's eyes, and Lu Xun advises her not to consume her great life in emotions, but Xiao Hong may not be able to listen to it.
Her extremely loveless childhood made her feel like she had met the whole world whenever she met a man, and Xiao Jun was more like her life-saving straw, no matter what the result was, she had to cling to it and not relax.
But she forgot that the man species, who has always liked your feelings of chasing after me, does not cherish what is at her fingertips.
The more entangled you are, the more you hurt others and hurt yourself. After the three-year itch, Xiao Jun was even more tired of every minute and every second with Xiao Hong, and in order to seek relief, he and Xiao Hong agreed to separate for a period of time.
In fact, everyone knows in their hearts that what the two said about living separately is looking for a step to break up. One early morning, Xiao Hong took a ferry to Japan, and Xiao Jun came to Qingdao.
Without this difficult woman around him, Xiao Jun was much cleaner, and he began to calm down and create, without any taboos, he secretly engaged in ambiguity with others.
But Xiao Hong is the opposite, she left Xiao Jun, just like a fish left the water, even in Japan there are friends to take care of, but she is still unable to extricate herself from lovesickness every day, she cares about Xiao Jun's daily diet every day, even an egg must be forced to eat him.
The woman who is dominated by feelings is the most pitiful at this moment.
Fourth, Duanmu Hongliang: I wanted to fight back the cold, so I came to sorrow
Life in Japan was not good, Xiao Hong suffered from many dark diseases, and by the time she returned to China, her husband Xiao Jun had already fought with another woman with a husband.
Xiao Hong, like a traditional woman, turned a blind eye to her husband's infidelity, and she may have doubted her choice, but in the end, in this relationship, Xiao Hong still chose to surrender her weapons. Until 1938, after becoming pregnant, Xiao Hong, like a hero with a broken wrist, painfully filed for divorce.
I thought that Xiao Jun would change his mind and think about the benefits of the baby in his belly and admit his mistakes. Unexpectedly, Xiao Jun even agreed to the divorce without looking back, as if the divorce was a long-lost redemption for Xiao Jun.
This relationship consumed one-sixth of Xiao Hong's life and energy.
Xiao Hong and Duanmu
A fish will soon die of thirst after leaving the water, and after Xiao Hong left Xiao Jun, he came to Duanmu's side without stopping.
The small water tank of Duanmu Hongliang became her last harbor.
When Duanmu met Xiao Hong, Xiao Hong's stomach was already very large, which was very similar to Xiao Jun's previous situation when he met Xiao Hong.
In a trance, there is a new reincarnation.
People in the world often compare Duanmu and Xiao Jun, but clear-eyed people know that Duanmu's reputation in the literary world is far inferior to Xiao Jun,so many people are angry about the separation of "Erxiao", and few people really want to see Duanmu.
But only Xiao Hong knew that Duanmu and Xiao Jun were two completely different people. Xiao Jun was the sun, and if he got too close, he would be burned by the light, and Duanmu was silent and warm, and he lit a green lamp in the darkness, silently lighting up the direction for Xiao Hong, who was groping forward.
In 1938, Duanmu gave Xiao Hong a wedding, which was a special treatment that Xiao Jun had never given.
Duanmu, Xiao Jun, Xiao Hong
However, compared to Xiao Jun's boldness and bravery, Duanmu's love is mixed with cowardice, and Xiao Hong has long known that with Duanmu, his life will tend to be flat.
So there was Xiao Hong's words at the wedding: "I don't have any excessive hopes for Duanmu, but I just want to live a normal couple's life." ”
All in all, after the vigorous, Xiao Hong, who was covered in scales, only wanted to recuperate.
Duanmu seems to have done this, when Xiao Hong has a fever, Duanmu will patiently stick to her face to test the temperature, and when Xiao Hong is sick, he will constantly suck sputum for her with a straw. This little thing moisturizes a broken heart in silence.
Unfortunately, this broken heart could no longer withstand a single setback. In 1942, Xiao Hong suffered from tuberculosis, and she went to the end of her life.
Lying on the hospital bed, Xiao Hong's body was even weaker, her face was more pale, her lips were white to no blood, and the whole person was like a crumbling leaf, ready to fall to the ground at any time.
Duanmu Hongliang
However, at this time, Duanmu disappeared, and his friend Luo Binji was ordered to take care of xiao Hong, who was dying, for a short time. In the last 44 days of Xiao Hong's life, he was accompanied by Luo Binji.
Where is the end wood of the club? He went to Chongqing.
When Hong Kong was about to fall, the rich man, like Wang Enjia and his cousin, decided to abandon his wife when his life was threatened.
Xiao Hong at the time of death is also very painful, the cold of the original family makes her extremely lack of love, as long as the man shows kindness to her, she will all be attributed to love, and then the moth to the fire rushes to this short warmth and light.
At the last moment of her life, she learned that some men can only share hardships, and some men can only share happiness, and throughout their lives, they have not been able to find an ideal partner who can "share weal and woe".
At the thought of this, Xiao Hong smiled bitterly, and he said to Luo Binji, "If Xiao Jun is here, he will definitely come to save me!" ”
In an instant of awakening, Xiao Hong left the last words of her life: "I am not willing, not willing!" ”
Those who have deep feelings will never live, but those who thirst for love will be hurt.
In the haze, Xiao Hong seemed to see Xiao Jun again, only to see that he was just like many years ago, rowing a small boat, with a rope, with the warmth of the sun, running to her hospital bedside with concern and saying: "Get on the boat quickly, I will take you away." ”
So Xiao Hong turned into a moth to the fire, and closed those eyes for a long time on the way to find the sun.