1
No two people are the same
1) No two people have absolutely the same opinion of the same thing, so it is not surprising that the child's opinion is different from yours.
2, the difference between each person, built the wonderful value of this world. The child will definitely have some places better than you, and the advantages you have, the child will not have all of them.
3. Everyone's beliefs, values and rules are different. So you can't ask your child to have exactly the same personality as you.
4. Everyone is the product of the beliefs, values and rules that he himself has built up over the years. The years you have gone through will not be the same as what your child will go, and what is right for you may not be right for him.
5, respect the differences of others, others will respect their own unique place. If you can accept the difference in your child, he will accept your opinion of him.
6, what happens to one person, can not assume that what happens to another person will have the same result. So your experience is a reference for your child, but it is not necessarily a correct or feasible rule.
2
One person cannot control another
1, one person can not change another person. Only by changing themselves will the child be able to make corresponding changes.
2) One person cannot push another person. Every parent or child can only push themselves.
3) One person cannot "teach" another person. Therefore, there is no "teaching", only "learning". Therefore, it is not important to "teach" the child, but it is important to make the child "learn".
4) One cannot ask others to give up one set of beliefs, values, and rules and accept another set. The child also has his own set, understand his set, from his point of view, the most likely to make him accept your meaning.
5) Good motivation is only the impetus for a person to do something, but it does not give him the right to control others or make things happen as he wishes. If you think that it is for the good of your child, you must make him do what you want, which is often counterproductive.
3
The meaning of communication depends on the other person's response
1, what you say is not important, what the other party hears is important. It doesn't matter how well he says it, it's important for him what the message the child receives means to him.
2. There are many ways to say the words, and it is the best way for the listener to fully understand the speaker's intentions. Speaking to a child in a language that he can understand and accept will have the greatest effect on him.
3) No two people react the same way to the same message. Just because one child reacts to what you say doesn't mean another child will have to do the same.
4. Whether the speech has an effect is controlled by the speaker and determined by the listener. Your child's reaction tells you whether what you say has an effect, and you can change the words and ways you speak to control the effect.
5, change the method of speaking, there is a chance to change the effect of listening. If there is no effect, the more children will not accept it, the worse the effect.
4
Children learn parents' behaviors and emotions, not instructions
1, parents deal with a thing of behavior patterns, children see, the next time will follow.
2. When the child sees the emotional reaction of the parent when facing a situation, he will think that it is correct, and will make the same emotional response when he faces the same situation.
3. Speech or words themselves cannot produce learning patterns or emotional responses in the child's body and brain. Therefore, dogmatic discipline has little effect.
4. Parents' instructions, if issued in a language pattern that the child does not understand, will make it difficult for the child to follow. Don't just say what you want to say, think about whether the child will not understand by saying this.
5
All actions must have positive motives
1, everyone to meet some of their own inner needs and do things. All the actions of the child have meanings that they do not realize, that is, meaningful, but he does not understand and cannot say them.
2, every person's behavior, for him, is the most in line with his own interests in the environment at that time. The child's subconscious has many programs to ensure that the best practice is chosen for him in each situation, although the subconscious mind is sometimes lacking in detail.
3. Parents need to separate their children's behavior from their motivations. We can accept a person's actions, but accept the motivations behind them. We should deny that the nature of the child's behavior is wrong or ineffective, but the child is always trying to improve his knowledge and ability, and we must affirm his motives.
4) Accepting a person's motivation to act is accepting that person and can therefore lead him to change his behavior. Finding the positive motivations behind your child's behavior, affirming them, and then guiding your child to find a more effective approach is the easiest way for your child to accept you.
5, the emotions and motivations are not wrong, but the chosen approach did not achieve the desired effect. It is the responsibility of parents to give children strength or direction in emotions, motivation to maintain children's hearts that they want to improve, and help children find effective practices.