I've always envied some people who know what they want at a young age and will fight for it, and they will do their best in life.
For example, my good friend Vigorous. Although she is only 25 years old, she has been writing for more than four years. In the past four years, she has published two books, the articles have been reprinted by the People's Daily many times, and the golden sentence has appeared on the cover of Han Han's "one" app, with nearly 700,000 readers.
Vigorously have seen countless girls who are "trapped by love" and "love brain", she used to be like this, but she came out, wrote all kinds of emotions in the world, used her own personal experience and keen insight to dismantle the various psychological changes behind emotions, objective, accurate and not blunt dogma, and used the most poetic expression to empathize with everyone.
Her words are old and penetrating, and she can always pinpoint the entanglements, dislocations and beautiful moments in love for the complicated relationships between men and women in the world.
Sincere and empathetic, firm and gentle. She used her pen to accompany hundreds of thousands of girls through those difficult days every night.
Those delicate and unspoken emotions, she can always express them accurately and naturally in words.
Each of us always has a few heartbreaking moments that are difficult to deal with outsiders, but through the powerful words, you can always believe that at this end of the world, someone understands your delicate intentions.
The treasure public number in my mind
▼
She writes about love, but she is not as worldly as others. She said:
Don't discard the "self" for love. Don't forget about love and chase other important things. On the road of growth, there has always been no other person, and I have always been hardworking, strict and made the right choices.
When I was young, I always thought that my heart that was close to someone was so pure and brave that I deserved to be rewarded, and later I realized that "having a relationship that did not belong to me" was never a gift of bravery.
She writes about the choice of love, sharp and profound.
- People always have to give up something. People are all suffering their own, another kind of life is also another kind of bitter method, love is the same, there is no love without struggle and tears, is to see, you are more acceptable for which kind of reasons to cry.
In this era, she is like a white moonlight, always insisting on polishing every piece of content.
Like countless others, she has had periods of confusion and humility, but she can always find a way to break through.
She submitted articles to the magazine at the age of 16 and was rejected more than ten times, but she signed her first collection of novels at the age of 19, with a Douban score of 8.5, which was highly acclaimed;
She could not get any competition awards in her freshman and sophomore year, and felt that she would not even be able to find a job in the future, but she was admitted to the graduate school of Zhejiang University with three months of revision time, or the first place in the country;
She once couldn't afford to eat 70 yuan of hot pot per capita, but now at the age of 23, she has earned seven figures on her own and lived in the center of Shanghai.
I think what is very valuable about her is that she is not impetuous, lives calmly and boldly, and has a mature view of things that surpasses her peers. I personally enjoy reading her articles, which are well written and inspired.
Today's article is written by her, I like it, recommend it to you.
"How terrible is it to be in love without being respected"
Text: Chen Dali
It is only after growing up that many feelings do not end in no longer like, but end in still like but have had enough.
Friends have had this experience.
She usually lives in the suburbs with her boyfriend. One weekend, she accompanied her boyfriend to the city to meet clients. When the client was about to arrive, the boy asked her to walk around the mall for the next few hours. He talked to the client in the café, and the two contacted them after that.
For the first two hours, friends leisurely bought fast food.
In the third hour, a friend sent a confused message asking how long it would take. No response was received.
In the fourth hour, the friend finally couldn't help but walk into the café, but found that there was no boyfriend or customer.
The friend ate dinner in the face of the destruction of the world, and at 9:30 p.m., the boy finally called and told her that she didn't have to wait, that she could go home, and that she had to meet other customers with the customers in the evening.
At half past nine, the shopping malls were closing, and the night in the city was particularly dark. Friends dressed in carefully selected clothes, can not bear the cold at night, hit the car is still blocked on the road.
"At that time —don't lie to you, I really wanted to crouch down on the side of the road and cry."
She said, vigorously, it's not because I have a feeling of abandonment, I love myself so much, it's hard for me to feel abandoned, but I do feel like a fool. I don't know what I came out to do today, why I waited so long, why I went out with such good expectations and became like this. I know that in the eyes of others, I now have a grumpy and ugly face.
"And I quickly realized that if someone makes you feel like a fool, the relationship isn't going to be fun."
Her words woke me up a little bit, and I suddenly realized why, over the years, I made the decision to voluntarily leave someone I really liked very much.
A lot of times it wasn't because I wasn't loved, not because I didn't hear love words, or because I didn't receive gifts, but because I was so deadly that I was able to crush me in one fell swoop – I wasn't respected.
It's what a friend calls "like a fool." It's that moment, before realizing that you are not loved by the other person, you are the first to realize that the other party does not even respect yourself.
There is no standard state of love, and there are not so many gorgeous ornaments that "must have", but friends, respect is a must. This respect is when you love me and you treat me as a person first before you approach me. You will at least be like a sincere friend in the first place, you will care about my feelings, and you will think from my point of view.
Friends were hung out for a few hours, went home and thought about it, and found that there were really many similar moments.
And I've had moments where when the other person thinks I'm profitable, I get sweet talk, and when I seem to be on the verge of losing the capital that makes the other person profitable, I'll only get the coldest response.
I understand that there can be snobbish lovers in this world, but I don't understand that the other person does not regard my heart as a heart that also needs to be treated normally, nor am I a lingering object. Maybe I have the sparkle you need, but if you like me, I won't try to scrape off those flashy "sequins", that's robbery, not love.
I've also written about my crush on a rich man – not because he had a crush because he had money, but because he had the traits I liked and just happened to be rich, and I finally ran so far, and refused every time he faced his repeated invitations, also because he didn't feel respected. He was very unhappy, he thought that the young girls wanted to go with him to distant islands and take a helicopter to see the sea in summer.
It's like, he has a fixed peach blossom every year, it's that there is no big so-called, and I'm just one of them that makes him feel that it's still relatively new for the time being.
The end of being slighted or toyed with is always slightly felt at the beginning, and I would say, girls, if you have this disrespected intuition, it often reflects that something is true.
Let you get cold, make you uncomfortable, don't make excuses for the other party, the other party will only continue to make you feel that you are more pitiful.
There are many emotional stories in my private messages, and I am often surprised that two people who are obviously in love, the boy shows care and respect for the girl, and even the friends are not as good.
For example, the off-site dating is released with pigeons, the girl runs to the other party's city according to the agreement, but the other party does not meet because of the inexplicable reason, and finally quarrels, without mentioning the girl's hardships, just saying that you are also distressed about the ticket money.
I said to the girl who sent the message, even if it's just a friend, you will definitely stop having friends by doing this, right?
The girl said yes, but I liked him again.
I say you like him, he probably likes you a little less, which can't be said to be his fault, but disrespect is always wrong. You can't give him the right to disrespect.
I'm not a top brave girl, but the thing I did right was that I was quite determined to lose some of the love I also wanted along the way.
When I don't feel respected, when that love is mixed with contempt for me, superficial speculation about me, and foolishness about my exploitation, I tell myself, run, run.
I may be old-school, but how can love that is not based on mutual respect be called love? Two people like each other out of mutual love, understanding each other, keeping promises, never deliberately hanging on to each other's feelings - if not even these, it is impossible to love smoothly and safely, and how to slowly face the twists and turns of life together.
Feeling disrespected is too bad, and it can bring you the deepest self-doubt and disappointment with the whole world. Deep down we know we deserve it, but the person in front of us seems to be telling you again, "You can only be treated like this by me."
One of the things I still envy is that my friend said that she felt that the day she failed her graduate school interview, she went to a restaurant and retaliated with a dozen dishes that were impossible to eat. The boy didn't feel exaggerated at all, and said whatever he wanted, as long as you could be happy.
What moves me about this story is not so much spoiling as a kind of respect, that is, I can really think about the causes and consequences from the girl's position, can empathize, so I can understand.
No one wants to be in a relationship that is not respected.
Not even if you like it. I love you, but I also want to love myself.
END
author:
Chen Dali
Graduated from Zhejiang University with a master's degree, ONE highly praised author, well-known emotional blogger
She understands what you say and what you don't say.