Author ┃ Lan Ting Read aloud ┃ Jianghu Bai Xiaosheng
Guidance ┃Liang Shanbo Editor ┃丄學号
In the past few days, Professor Zheng Qiang's video about "double subtraction" has brushed the screen.
Professor Zheng Qiang said in an interview with Yang Lan: "Chinese children are not losing at the starting line, but tired and falling on the starting line. ”
Professor Zheng Qiang, who has been working hard in university education for many years, said that many college students have lost their desire for science because their studies before entering the university are forced.
In college, when parents are not around, many students lose their autonomy in learning and relax their learning.
What's even more frightening is that they have also lost their purpose in life.
However, the university is an important time to truly pursue science, exert subjective initiative, and make yourself a talent.
It reminds me of a friend's child of mine.
Since elementary school, his parents have been extremely strict with him.
Regarding his college entrance examination volunteers, liberal arts and sciences, interest class study, usual holiday activities, and the choice of friends, it is up to his parents to decide, he only needs to do homework and take serious exams.
Under the supervision of his parents, he took the exam smoothly from an early age and went to a famous school in China.
However, when he arrived at the university, he frequently hung up for subjects.
His parents were particularly surprised by this, and asked why many times, and he finally plucked up the courage to reply: "I have been admitted to a good university and have reached your goal." As for your goals after college, you didn't tell me, and I don't know. ”
His parents had arranged for him to be airtight before, and as a result, when he got to college, he couldn't get started and lost his direction.
Education expert Li Xiaomeng said: "Parents should be their children's co-pilot - children must master the steering wheel by themselves, according to the call of their hearts, continue to explore, and finally go their own way, he will feel that the world is interesting." ”
The child's life is his own, and the child will be separated from the parents. As a parent, we must play the role of a good co-pilot and let the children choose the path they want to take.
One
Good parents know how to let their children make their own choices
Previously, I watched an interview program online.
The interviewee was a boy from the countryside, and his family had two older brothers, both of whom were admitted to college like him, and were rumored to be a good story in the village.
Now his two older brothers are civil servants and he's a network engineer himself, both of whom have made their own homes in the city.
The host asked him about his parents' secret to raising three college students.
He smiled and said: "My parents are not highly educated, and they have not given any counseling." But our parents encouraged us from an early age and asked us to study well. But if we didn't do well in the exam, our parents would comfort us, saying that in addition to studying, we could also go to work or farm. In short, there are many choices, and the key is to like them. ”
Every time they hear such words, they feel particularly relaxed, full of control over life, and full of expectations for the future.
He also said that especially when it comes to the big test, parents will make them happy and release their pressure.
The programmer's parents, although not highly educated, have full trust in their children and attach importance to their children's subjective initiative.
Perhaps, because they feel that they do not know much, they are afraid of confusing the child's judgment, but they will respect the child's choice.
The philosopher Fromm was critical of authoritarian theory, arguing that what authoritarianism stands for was: "Obedience is the greatest good, and disobedience is the greatest evil." In authoritarian ethics, the unforgivable crime is rebellion. ”
If parents are always manipulating their children's lives, they are like authoritarians. This kind of authority is not conducive to the child's physical and mental health, will disturb the child's judgment of life, and cannot be responsible for his own life.
Two
How to be a good co-pilot of your child
How to do a good job as a child's co-pilot, cultivate children's sense of autonomy, and let children live their own lives?
01
Parents should avoid big packages
Let your child learn to make decisions on their own
Once, I saw a news story.
A girl, unhappy after marriage, often quarrels with her husband, but insists on not divorcing.
The reason for this turned out to be that she wanted to get revenge on her parents.
She was strictly controlled by her parents since she was a child. She wanted to study liberal arts, and her parents felt that there were many science schools, so they had to let her study science, and as a result, she was not admitted to the university of her choice.
She went to college and wanted to study her favorite literature major, but was forced by her parents to change to finance, on the grounds that finance jobs were easier to find.
She was in college, socializing with a boy, and the two got along very well. But her parents didn't want her to marry far away, so they broke them up.
Later, her parents introduced her current husband, who did not like each other at all, but in order to get revenge on her parents, she married him.
I am not living well now, and I am not willing to divorce, so that my parents are in a hurry.
Because she wanted to prove to my parents that you manipulated my life and how bad I was.
Parents want to cultivate their children's ability to make their own choices, and they can start from small daily things.
When visiting the supermarket with your child, let your child choose what he loves to eat.
The itinerary of the holiday, ask the child's opinion, let the child participate in the development of the travel plan.
American writer Albert Hubbard said, "When parents do too much for their children, children don't do too much for themselves." ”
Parents should learn to let go appropriately, guide their children to make decisions, and deal with problems independently.
02
Cultivate a sense of responsibility in children
Take responsibility for your actions
Germans attach great importance to responsible education. I saw a case in the book before.
A German child needs to go through three levels to keep a pet.
When he proposed to his mother to keep guinea pigs, his mother told him that he had to take care of feeding and cleaning, otherwise he would not approve it.
He also needs to teach himself the knowledge of raising guinea pigs, either online or from the staff of the guinea pig shop.
As for the items needed to raise guinea pigs, including food, water cups, cages and other tools, you also need to buy them yourself.
In order to raise guinea pigs, the nine-year-old broke through these three levels.
In the process of breeding, he knows that he is the little housekeeper of the guinea pig and cultivates a sense of responsibility.
In family parenting, parents should not agree to all of their children's requests, but let him know the relevant responsibilities.
Parents can tell their children that they must borrow a picture book once a week, otherwise they cannot apply for a card.
Parents should let their children do housework, let him feel the sense of family participation, and contribute to family construction.
03
Broaden your child's knowledge
Enrich your child's life experience
Fan Deng was once asked: "In the future, when your child reads, will you let him go abroad to study, or will you study at home?" ”
Fan Deng said, "This matter is not in my control, this matter is his business." Then my responsibility is to let him see what it is like abroad and what it is like at home, and to create more opportunities for him and contact more educational methods. He chooses, he has his own direction, and he will definitely do it himself. ”
As a parent, you can provide more life experiences for your children.
In the winter and summer vacations, take more children to travel and experience the customs and customs of different places.
Parents take their children to participate in sports and art activities, feel the beauty of sports and art, let the children's hearts become more and more abundant, and cultivate keen perception.
On paper, I finally realized that I had to do something about it.
Only by allowing children to experience it immersively will they discover the love in their hearts and find a direction that suits them.
Three
Parents should do something and do something not
Comedian Mary, as a child, had excellent athletic performance.
Her mother wanted her to become an athlete, so she sent her to study basketball and other sports.
She did not fail to live up to her mother's cultivation, and her athletic performance ranked among the best in the school.
As she was preparing to develop on her way to athletics, she took an acting entrance exam with the mentality of giving it a try.
In that performance, she played very well and passed the exam.
Later, On the way to performing, Ma Li continued to work hard and became a well-known powerful actor in China.
In the process of moving from track and field to acting, her mother respected Ma Li's choice.
Although in the field of sports, her mother gave her careful training and achieved certain results. But in the end, it was Ma Li who chose to perform.
If the mother insisted on cultivating Ma Li as an athlete and did not respect Ma Li's choice, there would be no excellent actress Ma Li today.
Education expert Yin Jianli said: "Parents should recognize their own limitations, know that children in certain stages of development and certain aspects of development, you are powerless, or do not need to do." ”
As parents, in the process of raising children, we must believe in the potential of children's self-shaping, do something and do nothing, give children the initiative, and let children have confidence and motivation to walk their own life path.
From now on, parents should play the role of co-pilot and give their children more trust and freedom!
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Appreciation belongs to the author
Author ┃ Lan Ting
Lan Ting, Master of Arts, loves writing, loves speech, loves sports.
Reader┃ Jianghu Bai Xiaosheng
Jianghu Bai Xiaosheng, Himalayan audiobook anchor, gives you warm companionship with sound.
Shanbo Education Guide ┃ Guo Xinai
Guo Xinai, principal of a primary school in Shenzhen, a first-class teacher, a family education instructor, an advanced educator in Bao'an District, served as the director of the Moral Education Office, engaged in education for 34 years, loves calligraphy and literary creation, and his works have repeatedly won awards in various calligraphy and literature competitions at all levels, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of youth growth, psychological education and parent-child parenting.