An educator once said: "The most difficult thing to accomplish in education is to make the child a voluntary and eager pursuit of knowledge." A simple sentence tells the essence of education. It took me 14 years to truly understand the truth of this sentence. Once upon a time I only knew how to force my children to study hard and get into a good school. It wasn't until my son reached adolescence and was diagnosed with depression that I became deeply aware: the so-called adolescent depression and hollow heart disease are actually many times the child is sick for the parents.
Parents do not know what they are doing, so there is no direction, no meaning in life, so that the child's heart has become empty, this is a very typical "adolescent hollow heart disease"! "And parents for the good of their children, constantly urge children to study hard, give children more weight, coupled with unscientific family education methods, such as numbers, strong persecution, scolding, the continuous accumulation of pressure will become the last straw to overwhelm the camel, and eventually lead to children overwhelmed."
When children are adolescence, it is the parents who are wrong, but the children are sick for us. Thinking of those children who are depressed, I am shrouded in deep fear, what should I do to reverse all this and help my children get out of depression? The teacher told me that by bravely standing by the child's side, facing it together, listening, understanding, accepting, and becoming his strong backing, the relationship and life will become completely different. "Adolescent children, with the thriving vitality of small animals, as long as they give him a little sunshine, he can find his own direction and continue to grow."
Frozen three feet, not a day's cold. It is not easy to re-establish a good parent-child relationship and gain the trust of the child. In the process of understanding, I became more and more aware of how much harm my wrong way had brought to my son, and there was a passage that was deeply imprinted in my mind: the pain of adolescent children comes from the words and deeds of classmates and teachers, but ultimately points to their parents - they are depressed, self-harm, etc., and ultimately just to win back the attention and love of their parents. I changed the original communication mode, giving my son complete trust and acceptance, and giving him plenty of time. What grades, what studies, I don't care so much, I only hope that the sun will shine into my son's heart as soon as possible.
I respected his opinion and stopped all the interest classes I didn't want to learn. To my surprise, my son took the initiative to keep one of them: "Although I don't really want to learn, but taking this course has helped me a lot, rational thinking or keep it." "It can be seen that children can communicate, and what they could not communicate with before is actually me." And when I really reflected on myself, no longer so eager to make quick gains, not to urge, not to preach, not to accuse, the two words gradually let me see his change.
Don't look at your child's adolescence as a flood beast, when you face up to the various emotions of your child's adolescence and adjust your own education methods through your child's state, you will find a turning point in parent-child relationship. Behind those children who are depressed in adolescence, there is often a parent who stands still and refuses to grow. Regardless of the age of the child, it is vital for parents to maintain self-awareness and growth.
No rules, no talent. Parents who do not have principles, educate their children who are out of principle, and lose the respect that their children have for them. Children need principles, which give them the soil to grow. Unprincipled children often run into walls, lose their sense of security, and thus lose their initiative. Principles and rules must be based on correct values, otherwise they will form a confrontation with the masses and be excluded. "After the principles and rules must be left for the child to fly. For birds, the rule is not to cut off the wings, but the direction of flight. ”
"The most important use of encouraging education is when children are frustrated and fail." Encouraging education is not to cover up the shortcomings of children, but to face up to their own shortcomings and work hard. A better approach is to encourage the child's efforts, a factor that they can control themselves. Encouragement focuses on the process, which is to recognize the efforts of the child, while praise only recognizes the results.
Chinese parents should help their children build dreams, not force interest, dreams are the driving force for children's lifelong development, the yearning for the unknown world, the transcendence of the limits of life, the highest score, famous universities are just the goal of struggle. Start from your child's interests and hobbies, let the child make their own decisions, and learn what they really love in their hearts. Ability to foresee the future at the expense of the present pleasure; Curious and passionate, exploring the unknown.