Recently, the four-year-old children in the family have a long temper, and listening to their grandmother, sometimes they lose their temper because of some small things. But when I took her out on Saturday, I found that she was still the same little bag as before, and she didn't dare to take the initiative to borrow things from others and didn't dare to take the initiative to make friends. Why is it that when you are at home, you are so calm, nonsense, and dare to lose your temper, but you dare not speak loudly after going out?
I remembered that when I was young, the last thing I liked was to go to relatives, and every time I met relatives, I felt uncomfortable with my hands and feet, didn't know what to say, and kept smiling out of courtesy. Why is that? Because I can't understand the polite words between adults, I can't tell whether adults are talking seriously or just being polite, my mother sometimes teaches me to tell the truth, sometimes she will tell me, others are just being polite, you can't take it seriously, the number of times, I simply don't talk.
In fact, the child's growth is constantly exploring the rules of survival, and sometimes adults do not give corresponding cooperation, resulting in children not being able to pay attention. For example, when a child loses his temper at home, the adult will stop it and say how do you lose your temper? On the other hand, it also encourages children to be brave when they go out, don't be afraid, someone beats you, you immediately hit back. These requirements are swaying left and right, which will make the child feel confused, very embarrassed, feel that it is not good to do this, that is not right, which will prolong the child's exploration time, so that the child does not know what to do after going out.
So why do children become more relaxed, bold, and even lose their temper when they are at home, but become cautious outside? This is actually the process of the child's practice, his ability to get along with people is not yet mastered, to slowly contact a little more, he will be more familiar. The child has a self-protection mechanism, he will choose a safe environment to experiment, home is the safest environment he thinks, the outside environment is stranger, the child will choose to wait a little longer, and when he is more skilled, he will naturally go outside to try.
It's a process of growth, and after this stage of exploration, he can become relaxed. So when the child shows his true side at home, parents should not be in a hurry to suppress the child's temper, and can try to communicate with the child: "Child, you are very angry now, aren't you?" Let the child recognize his emotions first, and then ask the child: "When you are angry, do you want to hit someone?" Let the child consciously associate emotions and behaviors, and then tell the child: "You just hit me, I am in pain, I am a little angry" Let the child know what the consequences of doing so will be, and can also guide the child: "When angry, in addition to hitting people, what else can you do?" "Let the child slowly grasp his emotions, so that he can be more comfortable and find ways to get along with people."
In fact, getting along with children is also the process of parents learning, learning to reconcile with children and reconcile with themselves.