Teacher LeLe warmly guides the reading
Yu Minhong, as we all know, is the chairman and CEO of New Oriental Education Technology Group, but in the family, his role is that of a father. The article recommended by teacher Le Le today tells Yu Minhong's experience in family education, let's take a look at it together.
I myself am the father of two children, my daughter is a junior at the University of Pennsylvania, and my son is only in his second year of junior high school, which is the age that makes me anxious, so I have a lot of experience. According to my own personal experience, being a parent is actually difficult, but it is actually very good.
I think there are 4 main points to be said when parents:
01
Face the growth of children
To maintain a state of peace of mind and positive energy
I recall myself, my parents were farmers, but raised me to Peking University. The success of raising children actually has little to do with the level of knowledge, and I have also found that many families have particularly good conditions, and the parents have a high level of education, but the children are cultivated in a mess.
In the face of the child's growth, we must always maintain a calm state of mind and maintain a state of positive energy for the child. It's easy to say, but it's not so easy to do.
Now all parents and teachers are thinking about how much of their usual speech is positive energy and how much is negative energy?! I found that seventy or eighty percent of parents have always spoken in a negative, complaining tone.
We unconsciously evaluate the bad things in society in front of our children, and we are accustomed to losing ourselves in the middle of society, and the unfairness we get is transformed into resentment and then emitted, and the negative attitude will definitely affect the child, and the child's view of the world is also negative.
For example, if a child comes back from the exam and scores 70 points, the first reaction is how can you be so stupid, why did you only take the 70 points? Your child got a score of 95 and the child came back and said, "Mom, I took the second place today." There is also the first place in front. ”
You may say that I believe you and will definitely be able to get the first place next time. Do you think this sentence is encouragement? In fact, it is particularly full of negative energy, in fact, the child hopes to get your 100% affirmation from the heart, your praise, I hope to get you to say that it is not easy to take the second place, you are too perfect, not necessarily the first place.
As a result, you said that next time you must take the first place, so that the child is full of pressure, and what you pass on to him is disappointment in him. In the end, all kinds of negative energy slowly accumulate. The emotion of fearing the head and the tail, the unwillingness to overcome difficulties in the face of difficulties, can drag as much as possible.
I am different from my lover's educational philosophy, I am a person full of positive energy, the child is with me, I am more calm, and no matter how bad the score test is, I will be willing to communicate with me, because he knows that I will not insult them.
But his mother can't do it, it must be all kinds of strict requirements: "Why haven't you finished your homework in 40 minutes, why is it so slow, hurry up and finish these 20 words silently, you can't sleep without silence." ”
The result of this is often counterproductive, and the child's rebellious emotions and rebellious psychology will be more. When the parents' emotions are predictable by the child, when they are accepted by the child, they are qualified to be parents.
02
Set up some rules of conduct for your child
And persevere
From childhood to adulthood, you must make rules for your children that can never be violated, and your rules are reasonable and humane, and if they are not reasonable, they will oppose them.
What kind of rules are "rules"?
For example, from childhood to adulthood, my mother had a "rule" that required me, that is, every morning before going to school, I had to sweep the ground clean, fold up the quilt on the bed, there was no room for negotiation, and if I didn't do a good job, I would not go to school, I could only do it.
So from the first grade of elementary school, until every day after graduating from high school, this thing has not changed, and the result of not changing is that I have developed very good habits.
Don't forget that behind such a habit, there is another ability that is extremely important for the success of children in the future, that is, the ability to be methodical, and orderliness is actually an important part of a person's ability to do things.
For example, my son is now thirteen or fourteen years old, there are more Internet access, and their school requires all computers to write homework, so I found that if he has a problem with the Internet, so I set him a "rule":
First, you can go online;
Second, the time to go online should be controlled, in addition to using computers to do homework on the Internet, the rest of the time to go online to read other information, check things, etc. is not allowed to exceed one hour;
Third, because playing games is very addictive, it is strictly forbidden to play games with computers in principle. I bought him a dynamic stereoscopic game connected to the TV set, he could bring his classmates over to play, but the computer could not play;
Fourth, he had his own study, but the door didn't have to be closed at any time, I could see him whenever I went in, and his desk couldn't be turned back to the door. I'm not trying to spy on his privacy, but because at this age I have to supervise him, because there are things online that can't be seen.
My son knew that this "rule" could not be violated and said to me, "I'm going to lock the door, what can you do with me?" I said, "Isn't that simple, just kick in!" ”
When he found out that this "rule" was completely unbreakable, and there would be serious consequences after breaking it, he would always abide by it.
Of course, the rules should be reasonable, and I think my rules should be reasonable for thirteen or fourteen-year-olds. When he was watching videos on the Internet, sometimes I would stop and ask what to do, Dad watched it with you; but in reverse, if you walk over and say, why are you watching the video again? Your homework is still not done? Is there still any self-awareness? You say, what is the reflection behind the child? That must be a collapsing reflection, but that's how many of our parents speak to their children.
After another rule is set, the husband and wife must be consistent, and if they are inconsistent, it is easy to be used by the child.
Children from the age of one year know how to use the differences between parents to obtain the greatest benefit for themselves, which is determined by biology, not to mention primary and junior high school children, it is too easy to observe how to look at the color, some children in order to maximize their own interests, but also to provoke discord between parents.
03
Children who grow up in a reading environment
No matter how bad it is, it can't be bad
Someone asked me, why did you like to learn when you were growing up? Is it a natural love of learning? It's not innate. None of our murakami children were admitted to college, so I was admitted, for what reason? Because I grew up loving to read.
Everyone asks you that your parents don't know how to read, why do you like to read? It has to do with my mother's expectations of me. When I was three or four years old, my mother said you should be a gentleman when you grow up. It was too hard to be a farmer in my mother's mind, and my mother wanted me to live like this—to become a white-faced student, without farm work, and to be able to get public grain, which was the concept at that time.
My mother herself couldn't read, and in order for me to be a husband, there was only one concept, and that was that you had to read. So, growing up my mother never bought me any toys. At that time, my mother raised five pigs, and the money sold belonged to her family, and the only thing that pocket money was used on me was to buy books and read.
I bought me comic strips when I was four or five years old, and after I was five years old, I already knew five or six hundred Chinese words, and I had already started reading children's books by myself, and I could read "Water Margin" by the sixth grade. Although my parents didn't influence me by their reading behavior, they encouraged me every time when I read, and as long as I started reading, the chores could be put aside.
In order to avoid housework, I would pretend to read, and as soon as I pretended to read, I really read it. So you will find that the parents' requirements for the child, if reasonable, and also give encouragement, the child will grow up along the requirements. So you understand how much parents influence their children. Like my mother, when I was four years old, she said she wanted me to be a gentleman. Mother creates an environment wherever you read anytime, anywhere.
I set a requirement for the female employees of the company, after having children, they must insist on reading children every day, and like to read books, and many people have done so. Because I found that as long as a child grows up in the middle of the reading environment, the child is not bad enough, it is so simple, so reading is very important.
If the child eats good things from day to night from a young age, what to give, grandparents carry the child around, buy snacks, so that the child who grows up will not be better when he grows up.
04
Parents pass on emotional intelligence and reverse quotient to their children
More important than passing on anything
If you think about it a little bit, after graduating from college and entering the society, although the ability to learn is still very important, what is the most important thing? The most important thing is the ability to resist blows!! This is inverse quotient, a mentality that you can face failure without caring, and face something risky or need to break through, and you dare to try.
My mentality can be seen in my three years of college entrance examinations. I think this mentality is very good, I can see my own progress, this is very remarkable.
In fact, my life is not good, the first year because the overall English level in China was relatively poor, so the college admission score was set at 40 points, but I took the 33 points, and the second year the college admission score line was raised to 60 points, but I took the test 55 points, always a few points. It was painful, but I still went to the third year of the exam, because I thought that staying in the countryside for the rest of my life would be finished.
Secondly, I think I see my progress, 33 points, 55 points, the third year is 77 points, 77 points can get into college anyway. At that time, my goal was to enter the junior college and convert the rural hukou into an urban hukou, which was such a simple and small ideal, but I did not expect that the English score in the third year came out, and I scored 95 points, so I entered Peking University.
You have the ability to be frustrated, and if you move forward step by step, you will go to heights that you yourself did not expect.
I'm standing here today, and I think that although I can't get the top scientific and technological innovation, because this really needs the top IQ, I have made up for it with my efforts in the humanities and social sciences and language. After making up, emotional intelligence and reverse quotient play a big role.
When you have a contrarian quotient, you will find many difficulties, pains, failures, and even preparation for a larger goal in your future. It is not easy for our children to have such a mind, but we adults should have such a mind, once we have such a mind, we will not care too much about whether your child's grades are the first and second places in the class, and whether the university they are going to is Peking University or Nanda University, or UTokyo.
Because the child's fate is composed of multiple factors, you will pay attention to whether your child has reverse quotient, whether he can withstand the blow, whether he can maintain enthusiasm for life after the blow, whether your child has emotional intelligence, whether he is particularly fluent in dealing with people, and the ability to win the trust of friends around him has become very important.
My ability to reverse quotient coupled with my ability to do emotional intelligence, coupled with my lack of INTELLIGENCE made up for by my own diligence, finally made some of my careers today.
Parents here, you pass on emotional intelligence and reverse quotient to your child, more important than passing on anything, first do not ask your child to go to a good university, do not let him go abroad, these things are really not important, the important thing is that you pass on the skills of emotional intelligence and reverse intelligence.
Source: Network
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Editor-in-Chief: Cao Lele He Zhongyuan Editor-in-Charge: Liu Jiaohong