Source | Daughter Pie
My cousin had another daughter.
I took my daughter to the hospital to see her and the baby.
It just so happened that her mother-in-law and other relatives were also there, and everyone was talking about the baby.
I don't know who talked about the new policy of opening up the three-child opening-up, so he smiled and said to his cousin:
"Now that the policy is good, you can have another three children."
"Another son, a good word for a son and daughter into pairs, just two sisters to play with their younger brothers."
Upon hearing this, my cousin's mother-in-law could not wait to agree, and even threatened to give birth to three children that she would come to help take care of them.
The seven aunts and eight aunts happily discussed the benefits of having three children.
But from beginning to end, none of them asked their cousin's opinion, did not ask her if she would like to have a baby, whether she was in pain or not, whether she was tired or not.
Naturally, no one saw her pale and haggard face because she had just given birth, and the weakness of having to tremble and walk against the wall even when she went to the toilet.
At that moment, looking at the smile at the corner of my cousin's mouth and the slightly reddened eyes, I suddenly felt pain.
Once upon a time, she was also a little girl who was unbridled and happy in the arms of her parents.
Now he doesn't even have the autonomy to give birth to such a life-threatening event, as if he had been decided by others with a few words and two words.
Especially among these people, there is her husband's mother-in-law, the mother-in-law she has always been filial to.
This reminds me of a particularly poignant video I watched not long ago:
A pregnant woman who had just given birth to her son and was pushed out of the delivery room was weakly chanting to her husband:
"I'm talking about a son, right?" Born, right? My mission is over! ”
"Your mother smiled happily, didn't she?" I've been crying for a while! ”
In the voice of questioning and complaining, it was full of disappointment, helplessness and heartache.
Remember when the third child was open, a "arithmetic problem" suddenly burst into flames:
At first glance, I think it is a funny paragraph, but if you think about it, who can say that this is not the real life of a three-child mother?
In the three months since the opening of the three-child policy, looking at the army of spawners that can be seen everywhere around;
Remembering these things that I have seen and heard with my own eyes...
I looked at my daughter, who was still young, and I had an unprecedented sense of crisis.
Thinking that my daughter will also grow up, one day she will also experience getting married and having children, will also face the choice of having several children, and may be forced to grievance herself in order to cater to others...
I suddenly realized that I should think differently about raising my beloved daughter.
I used to think that it was enough to have a daughter, give her enough love, and let her grow up healthy and happy.
But now I have found that it is the most important thing for my daughter to dare to say "no" to others and have the confidence to determine her own life.
And to raise such a confident, independent and strong girl, I think, it must be inseparable from the efforts of these three aspects.
01.
Parents should pay more attention to their daughter's education
Recently, I revisited a movie "Growth Education" and I was full of emotions.
Jenny, a 16-year-old girl, was originally a seed player cultivated by the school, with a homework door A+ and was also very good at cello.
She was a star on campus, envied by her classmates, and favored by her teachers.
If there is no accident, she can rely on her own excellence to step into the Oxford school.
But she met the man who, David, had ruined her life.
He is obviously a poor liar, but disguised as a "middle-aged elite man", took Jenny in and out of various high-end places, took her to experience the life of a so-called "upper class", and successfully won Jenny's heart.
And Jenny's parents, also thinking that their daughter has found a shortcut to enter high society, not only do not stop, but again and again to promote the two of them to date, and even encourage Jenny to give up her studies and be with David.
In the end, Jenny resolutely ignored the teacher's objections and withdrew from school.
But the gift of fate has long been marked with price.
Jenny soon tasted the bitter fruit: David was not only a married man who already had a wife and children, but also a complete liar, and the squandered money was all stolen money from unknown sources.
The principal in the play said a sentence that I particularly agreed with:
"Everyone who does any valuable job needs a degree."
Only by constantly reading and learning and improving themselves can girls firmly grasp their fate in their own hands and never be influenced and swayed by others.
But around us, there are often such voices:
"Sooner or later, girls will have to get married, learn so many things, as long as they are happy." 」
As a result, those parents pin their hopes on letting their daughter marry a reliable husband in the future, but slacken their discipline of her ability, character, upbringing, and emotional intelligence.
This is not love, but harm.
As Liang Wendao said:
"It's important for a woman to have the ability to live a good life and to have things that no one else can take away."
Raising a daughter should pay more attention to her education and be more "cruel" to her.
Only when she has her own skills and can break new ground in society on her own, when she faces the multiple identities of being a wife, a mother, and a daughter-in-law in the future, can she have enough ability and emotional intelligence to cope.
Because knowledge and ability are the strength and courage of a girl's life.
02.
Let the girl see the world a little more
There is a saying that goes like this:
"When you have more, you know what's good."
Therefore, I have always been very much in favor of my girlfriend Jiajia's parenting style.
Since giving birth to her daughter, she has always been determined to make her daughter see more of the world from an early age.
My daughter is not yet 5 years old, and she has already followed her to visit many scenic spots and monuments in the country.
On weekends and holidays, she often takes her daughter to her city or surrounding cities to try a variety of different things:
Make faience, watch musicals, hike, raft... Many things that adults have not experienced, little girls have experienced firsthand.
So she has been very assertive since she was a child, keen to try all kinds of new things, and the whole person grows up confident and bright.
When Jiajia and her girlfriends gather, she often takes her daughter and tells her daughter the story of her girlfriend in a serious way:
"These beautiful and dashing aunts are all successful and beautiful and charming because of their own efforts, so the baby must also learn the skills well, and no matter what they want in the future, they will rely on their own skills to get."
The little girl has seen many excellent women, seen many "powerful" sisters, knows that the world is very big, and understands the value of hard work.
Yeah, what a wise mom!
As the online passage says:
If you know more people, you will not be dragged down by your narrow circle of life; you will not feel that a boy you know by chance can become your "must-have"; you will not feel that getting married and having children at work is the whole of life; you know what better people are like, so you will not be eaten and lived by anyone's arrogance and death. ”
A well-informed girl will not be bound by the label of a girl, and feel that women should marry and teach their children, but have their own ambitions and ideals.
In fact, in addition to seeing the upward world, I think we must also take our daughter to see the downward world.
Looking up is the world is big, the horizon is wide, and looking down is the cruel truth, the unpredictable human heart.
So, when my daughter tugged at my sleeve, she innocently asked me:
"Why did my aunt cry, and shouldn't she be happy after giving birth to her sister?"
I did not use the "adult affairs and children don't care" to perfunctory as usual, but carefully analyzed the difficulties and dilemmas of the aunt with her, and emphasized a very important point with her:
In the future, you may become whose wife and whose mother you are, but you are more of yourself.
Whenever and wherever you are, you are not an appendage of anyone, you should be independent and free, and do not let others decide your choices and life.
03.
There are girls in the family, and Dad has to work harder
I once saw a girl's story on Tieba:
She grew up beautiful, and she had excellent grades and outstanding talents, so when she started college and entered society, she never lacked suitors.
However, although there is always the opposite sex around her who is chasing after her, she has never easily moved her heart to anyone.
When girls of the same age are deceived and hurt by scumbags, and cry bitterly in love wounds, she can clearly distinguish whether the boys are on a whim or a piece of sincerity.
Because she has seen the truest way her father loves her mother, she knows how her father loves her mother and loves herself, so she understands what she wants better.
In stark contrast, there is a girl in another story:
From a young age, her father scolded her and her mother.
Because her mother was unable to have a son, her father felt that the family's incense was cut off, so she grew up in her father's dislike.
Dad said that she was a slut, a money loser, and did not force her mother to have a younger brother.
When she grew up, she has always been very inferior, and from the bottom of her heart, she feels that girls are not as honorable as boys.
Later, after getting married, she also embarked on her mother's old path:
One child after the other, three in a row, just to give birth to a son who can be passed on from generation to generation.
"Father Shapes the Future of His Daughter" writes: "Father, set the standard for a man to care for a woman. ”
Oh, yes!
The father is the first male character to participate in the life of his daughter, and his attitude towards the family, his wife, and his daughter will directly affect the way the daughter handles emotions, and even directly affect the daughter's life.
As long as we observe carefully, we will find that those girls who can live their lives well and live happily for a lifetime must have an excellent father who cares about her family, understands love, and can support her.
On the contrary, a bad father will become a black hole in their hearts, constantly sucking up their self-esteem, self-confidence and security, and even difficult to escape for a lifetime.
I remembered a sentence I had read a long time ago:
"Every daughter, even if she has her own destiny, as long as she has a good father who loves her, it cannot be said that this life has never given her a gift." 」
Raising a happy daughter, Dad is the one who should work harder.
04.
Every daughter is a jewel in the palm of her parents' hands, and it is worth our careful waiting.
Paving a path to happiness for our daughter requires the common intentions and dedication of both parents.
Work hard to force her to grow and harvest energy; take her to broaden her knowledge and understand all the truths about the growth of girls; lead by example, teach her the firmness of being loved and the ability to distinguish love from an early age...
The road to adopting a daughter is long, and I have finally found the best direction again.
I only wish my daughter, she can be free and cheerful in this life, and be treated gently by life.
*This article is original to the Daughter Pie. My family has daughters, and there are women who do everything. A parenting platform that millions of parents follow.
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