People often say, "Excellent children are exaggerated." ”
But do you know what the real "education killer" behind "praising children" is?
Don't worry, just look down and you'll know.
American Stanford professor Carol has confirmed in a breakthrough experiment:
Children who have been praised for a long time as "you are really hard" are not only more likely to accept new challenges than children who have been praised as "you are really smart", but also more and more courageous.
Because, the child will think:
"The advantage I have now is not innate, but something I have been able to achieve with continuous effort. So I'm going to have to work harder to keep it going. ”
In the long run, children will have a steady stream of motivation to pursue the goals they want to achieve, and they will be less likely to give up than other children, and they will naturally be closer to success.
This, in fact, is the power of growth thinking.
Know that after the child is 3 years old, the way they explore the world has changed radically: the absorbent mind has been turned on.
At this time, parents should guide their children correctly and praise the child's efforts, strategies and choices; rather than his innate conditions such as IQ and talent.
Only in this way can we cultivate children's growth-oriented thinking patterns and cultivate the height of children's lifelong benefits.
The person who said this was not me, but a growth-thinking parenting expert around me, Sister Meow.
She listens to the story of her and her daughter's battle of wits, and maybe you can be inspired.
- 01 -
Hello everyone, I am Gao Shouyan, parents and friends like to call me Meow Sister.
Since graduating from Beijing Normal University majoring in preschool education, I have been working in children's education for 29 years.
Over the years, I founded the "Meow Sister Early Education Theory" and also wrote the best-selling book "Growth Parenting", which was well received by tens of millions of parents.
I also often share my knowledge of family education all over the country, and there are more than 1,000 offline lectures alone.
Because he has been working in the early education industry for many years, he can be regarded as an "old expert", and has also been invited to participate in many TV programs: Tencent Video's first growth view show "Tear-resistant Parents", China Education Television's "Ask for Advice".
He was even invited to be a special guest of CCTV's education program, the China Preschool Education Annual Conference, the Asian Preschool Education Annual Conference, and a special expert of the Sina Early Childhood Education Research Institute.
I have been invited to participate in various TV shows
But what makes me most proud is not these, but my original educational methods, so that my daughter, who was once diagnosed by a doctor as autistic, grew into an independent, confident, inside and outside big girl.
The story begins more than a decade ago.
My daughter was 2 years old that year, and by chance, I noticed that she was a little different:
As long as there are strangers passing by, the daughter will act as if she is frightened.
Out of caution, I immediately took my daughter to the hospital, only to be told by the doctor that she may have "autistic" tendencies.
When I heard this news, it was like a thunderbolt on a sunny day, and my mind went blank...
"My daughter is still so young, in case of any mistakes, what can she do in the future of her life?"
People around me comforted me and said, "Don't be too upset, just be an ordinary child, let her be happy and happy!" ”
But after being silent for more than a month, I made a difficult and great determination: I want to give her a shining extraordinary life!
After that day, I began to let go of my anxiety and accept her as she was.
At the same time, I also allowed myself to learn more about parenting and began to study a large number of domestic and foreign child psychology works.
Every week, I had to take a large stack of books home from the library, and over time, there were many books in the house that could not be put down.
So my family installed a whole wall of bookcases in the hallway for my professional books.
Books about children's education at home
The more you read, the more thoroughly you study.
I also slowly discovered:
Whether a child can succeed is not determined by ability and talent, but depends on whether he has a "growth mindset".
Children with a growth mindset tend to be less likely to give up, more enjoyable, easier to seek help, more resilient, more determined, and therefore more likely to succeed.
As a result, my daughter's education is no longer like the parents of other children, only paying attention to the level of scores, whether there are cram schools for children, and whether they have won places in key schools...
Instead, it starts from the small things of daily life and comprehensively improves her daughter's "growth thinking".
Finding that she is extremely focused, he asked her to choose her favorite painting interest class, instead of following the trend and reporting the most popular interest class;
She is afraid of trying and failing, so I break down the big task into small goals, increase her sense of control and exploration, and let her overcome the fear of difficulties;
In order to improve her self-control, I made a life routine table for her, and slowly she was able to plan her own time;
......
In this way, the daughter, who was not even willing to go out of the door before, slowly overcame her social fears and became the child king of her friends.
And I don't stare at her flaws as hard as I used to, but try to create conditions for her to do something she's good at.
Slowly, she found herself confident and became more and more excellent.
Accompany your daughter to overcome social phobias
Later, I also gradually found that over the years, I focused on cultivating my child's developmental thinking, which also made her different from other children:
In the face of setbacks:
If the test is not good, other children will either cry their noses or give up when they go home;
But the daughter smiled and groaned: "There is no way to do more difficulties, this time it has failed, I will change the method!" ”
Facing difficulties and challenges:
The school holds a speech contest because the preparation time is only 3 days, and many children are reluctant to participate;
The daughter braved herself to participate, and finally did not expect to win the first prize and became a little star on campus.
Facing the excellence of others:
Other children will feel that "people are born smarter than me, and no matter how hard I try, it is useless";
But my daughter wonders, "How did she do it?" I'm going to learn it too! ”
She never felt that she was the best, but she never felt that she could not be the best.
"Always working hard, always making progress."
At the age of 18, her daughter unexpectedly scored a high score of 19 points (out of 20 points) and was admitted to a prestigious German school to study architectural design.
After entering the school, the contentious daughter not only often got an A in every homework, but also won the campus scholarship several times!
Friends and family around them are envious when they know:
"How did you teach?" Teach your girlfriend so well? ”
Wonderful life for my daughter in Germany
All this, I, see in the eyes, sweet in the heart.
"If I hadn't realized the importance of growth mindset for my children before my daughter went to elementary school, I'm afraid that today, my daughter is just an ordinary little girl with low self-esteem." I think.
- 02 -
Today's parents, from the moment the child lands on the ground, they begin to worry about all kinds of worries, afraid that the child will lose at the starting line.
The same is true of girlfriend Xiaomei.
A while ago, when I visited her house, I witnessed a family storm.
Their sisi has been studying violin for several months, and recently they have been crying every day and don't want to go to class, which is very upsetting to Xiaomei.
"If you give up halfway like this, what can you do in the future?" If you don't go to class tomorrow, you won't be allowed to go out! Xiao Mei yelled at Si Si.
It doesn't matter if you don't say this, Si Si listened to it even more, and the one who cried at home was called a miserable.
Seeing this scene, before leaving, I hesitated again and again, or told my girlfriend my thoughts:
Educate your child and don't be in a hurry to deny him!
Give your child a positive incentive and then a "way out."
"A way out? Wouldn't that make children even less able to learn? My girlfriend asked me.
"No," I explain, "no," I explained:
"First of all, tell the child that learning the violin is indeed difficult, but if you learn well, you can go on stage to perform, or show off in front of your friends to give her a sense of yearning;
Secondly, tell her that if you feel tired, we now have one less session a week, but we can't interrupt it, because if you interrupt it, you will forget what you learned before, and you need to pay more effort to pick it up;
Finally, give her a goal, we finish this stage, take the sixth certificate, if you can get it, then we will not learn! “
Later, the girlfriend said this to SiSi, and Sisi happily agreed, and said that he would no longer study after only taking the sixth-level certificate.
However, the result made the girlfriend very happy: SiSi not only got the sixth-level certificate, but also insisted on practicing the piano until now.
More importantly, Si Si is becoming more and more "defiant of difficulties", and is no longer the little girl who was afraid of suffering before.
Now, whenever Sisi encounters any difficulties, she will say, "This is much simpler than practicing!" ”
- 03 -
You know, at the age of 0-6, if you can cultivate a child's "growth mindset", the child's chance of success can be increased by at least 70%.
In the past 29 years in the industry, I have seen too many mothers miss the golden period of 0-6 years old for their children's growth because they lack the necessary educational knowledge:
Because the child did not do well in the exam once, why are you so careless and not working hard?
Because the child's academic performance is not good, he ignores all the advantages of him;
Because the child has made a small mistake, he inexplicably cannot control his emotions and yell at the child;
Because the child has achieved a certain achievement, praise the child baby, you are awesome! You're such a genius!
Most parents always like to be "carpenters", so that their children form a "fixed thinking":
As everyone knows, children who are educated in this way are usually prone to give up when they encounter setbacks, fear challenges and high goals, and are naturally far from success.
Smart parents should be like "gardeners" who root their "growth thinking" in the depths of their children's hearts and make it an ability.
Based on the confusion of parents and the changing environment of society, I combined the basic core of parenting, the concept of the bottom layer and the latest and most scientific cutting-edge educational perspectives to open this "Growth Thinking Parenting Method" class.
In this course, I present a large number of real cases that I have come into contact with over the past twenty years, as well as my own parenting experience, to ensure that you will use them if you learn them.
Help you to establish and educate your child's growth mindset and grow up with your child.
So, I recommend that all parents of 0-6 year olds come and listen to this class.
Help children to shape excellent thinking models, and use practical parenting skills and methods to cultivate children's positive, optimistic, perseverance and other excellent qualities.
Believe me, your child can be the "good kid of someone else's!" ”
Course Outline
What can you learn in this course?
1. Cognitive reconstruction - 8 scientific parenting theories
I will combine practical cases and course exercises to arm you with 8 scientific parenting theories from the cognitive level, teach you how to correctly treat the advantages and disadvantages of children, how to choose interest classes for children, how to play the role of red and white faces, how to establish a parent-child relationship for children, and use scientific parenting methods to make children better.
2. Cultivate ability - 7 kinds of skills that children must have
Starting from the 7 abilities needed for future social success, I will teach you how to cultivate your child's learning, expression, emotion, social, self-control, optimism, and perseverance in the process of raising your child.
The cultivation of each ability is specific to the details of the child's parenting, turning the child's headache of making mistakes into the best time for education.
For example, it is necessary to train children to actively learn 3 things to do, the 3T rules to cultivate children's language ability, the 3-stage implementation method to deal with children's tantrums, and 3 kinds of strength to train children's self-control.
3. Comprehensive application - 7 practical operation methods that parents must know
Starting from the headaches you encounter most often, I'm giving you 7 practical tips. Teach you to know yourself from 2 points and understand your child's personality from 9 dimensions.
It even tells you how to resolve the anxiety of separation in kindergarten, how to correctly accompany your child to write homework, how to prepare for the early childhood, and break all kinds of problems you encounter in the growth of your child.
This course is on the market
What's different about parenting classes
Systems Theory + Parenting Practice + After-School Practice
8 scientific parenting theories + 7 essential abilities for children
+ 7 practical methods of operation for parents
Specialist in child education
Master of Psychology, Beijing Normal University
The early education industry has been deeply cultivated for 29 years
Growth Mindset Parenting Specialist
Hand in hand with you
Learn growth mindset parenting