During the Spring Festival, brothers and sisters get together and you recall the things when you were a child, as if you have returned to the era when you were not warm and did not have enough to eat, because with the care of your parents and the company of your brothers and sisters, life is carefree and quite happy.
When chatting after dinner, the eldest sister said that at that time, the family was in difficulty, and in order to share the housework for her parents, she dropped out of school early and took on the burden of the family. The youngest of me proudly said that my two sisters were very kind to me, often leaving me good food and fun. After listening to it, the second sister smiled and said, "My parents are the most eccentric, and they are good to you and your eldest sister, but they can't remember me." At that time, my family was poor, and I didn't know what new clothes and shoes were when I was a teenager, all of which were left over from my eldest sister. Besides, your third eldest, your parents and eldest sister have given you all the good things. ”
Listening to the second sister's words, my eldest sister and I were just about to refute it, but my parents spoke: Yes, we really ignored you,. Spoil the boss, spoil the third, only ignore you. ”
The second sister listened to her parents' "confession" and immediately smiled and said, "Oh, I just said this, and I didn't mean to complain about you." ”
yes! In many dolly families, it is difficult for parents to be absolutely fair because of the large number of children, and there is often a phenomenon that the eldest and the oldest are pampered and the second is ignored. It is precisely because of the unconscious treatment of parents that it leads to different personalities and IQs between children, which is the origin of what we often say: "the old is stupid, the old is the second, and there is a bad old third in the family".
On the question of the impact of birth order on children, not only have we summarized it, but foreign psychologists have also studied it as a special topic. In his book "Birth Order Book: Why You Are Who You Are Now", the psychologist Revell has made an in-depth study and analysis of the impact of birth order on children's personality and IQ.
The effect of birth order on children
1. Boss
As the first child in the family, I was born with a constant trial and error from inexperienced novice parents. It is precisely because of the lack of parenting experience that parents, whether feeding or parenting, are very cautious and even a little neurotic. With such parents as role models, the boss is often a perfectionist, always likes to please his parents, and develops a cautious, serious, responsible, and controlling personality.
advantage
As the first child in the family, Dawa has not yet been born to become the focus of the family, in the process of parenting, parents often have more time and patience for his education, so Dawa is relatively high in both emotional intelligence and IQ.
inferior position
As mentioned earlier, Dawa is mostly perfectionists, so they are born with a fear of failure, lack of self-confidence, dare not change, and become hesitant once they step out of their comfort zone. In addition, Dawa will more or less shoulder the burden of taking care of her brother and sister, which also causes a lot of pressure on them to pursue perfection.
2, the second oldest
"I'm not the biggest, I'm not the youngest, should my parents ignore me?" This may be the common sentiment of all the elders. In order not to be left out in the cold, they try their best to do the best, or the worst, in order to attract the attention of their parents, so the second brother is often the "center of the problem" in the family. Due to the up-and-down birth order, it is determined that the personality of the second eldest is rebellious, socially strong, and has the potential to be a leader.
In daily life, the second brother not only has to let his younger siblings, but also be "bullied" by his older brothers and sisters, so he learns to negotiate and compromise. Because they don't get more attention at home, they are more willing to connect with the outside world and make up for the "lack of love" in the family with strong friendships.
It is precisely because the second brother gets less attention from his parents and the needs are met less often, they often feel that they are not valued, they are excluded, and it is inevitable that there will be a sense of loss in their hearts, and it is easy to get lost outside.
3, young and old
The youngest children in the family are the real people who are all loved by thousands of people, so they are also more free-spirited and self-indulgent, and have developed a playful, frank and self-centered personality.
The youngest children, though not the smartest, are absolutely gifted in their ability to attract their parents' attention, so they are cheerful and social. In their daily lives, they are full of adventure and like to try unconventional ways to become the focus of everyone, even if the risk is great.
Since parents have seen many "firsts" in the first two children, when he learns to talk, walk, and ride a bicycle, his parents are basically not surprised, and even do not bother to praise a word, and a "Oh" is even a pass.
At present, the three-child policy has been fully opened, and I hope that parents who want a three-child plan can change it after reading this article, and if there is no encouragement, let the children grow up healthy and happy under their careful care.
The above is the psychologist's impact on the "birth order" on the child's personality and IQ, and it is not very similar to your family. Welcome to leave a comment.