Author: QianJiang Yue'er
Source| Qianjiangyue Caotang (ID: qianjiangyuecaotang)
01
Yesterday, my friend Xiaomei told me something that made her very speechless and annoyed.
Xiaomei's sister is 46 years old this year, a few days ago was diagnosed with cervical cancer, fortunately found it is still early, early, the doctor recommended surgery as soon as possible.
The next morning, Xiaomei hurried to her sister's house, thinking of going to the hospital with her sister to prepare for the afternoon operation.
It must be cancer, and my sister and brother-in-law are worried and worried.
When I was packing my clothes, my brother-in-law called out to their daughter and said, "My mother and I are going to the hospital, why don't you hurry up and change your clothes!"
Ne Zhi daughter said impatiently: What am I going to do, I am not a doctor, I will not go.
When the brother-in-law heard this, he was obviously a little annoyed, and he gasped for breath, wanting to scold but not knowing what to scold.
The sister quickly hit the round field and said: "Okay, if you don't go, you won't go, little child, don't go up."
Xiaomei couldn't see it, so she took the initiative to pull the hand of her aunt and niece and said: Good boy, go with your aunt, accompany your mother, your mother is afraid.
The girl threw her hand away and said: All said, I don't want to go.
I looked down and touched my phone again, and said: Mom, you have all gone to the hospital, so who will cook lunch for me?
Xiaomei told me: Hearing this, her fire will come out, what kind of child is this?
22 years old, not 2 years old, my mother is sick, not even the most basic care? Don't understand?
Looking at the sister's illness, afraid that her sister is uncomfortable, Xiaomei is not good at saying anything, when she went out, Xiaomei glared at her aunt and niece fiercely, hoping that she could go to the hospital with her.
However, it did not.
The aunt and niece ignored Xiaomei's warning, made a grimace at Xiaomei, and then touched her mobile phone.
At noon, Xiaomei was accompanying her sister to do a preoperative examination, and her aunt and niece called again to ask: Xiaoyi, ask my mother, what do I eat at noon?
Xiaomei sighed and said to her: They are so big, will they not go to their grandmother's house to eat? Your mom is sick.
Just listen to the phone is still twittering: Oh, it's very sunny outside, the heat is dead, auntie, or you come back and drive me to grandma's house.
Xiaomei was so angry that she turned off her phone.
She asked me: Yue, you said, today's children, from childhood to eat and drink well, good words and good teaching, how can they finally teach such an ignorant thing?
02
Because I often write articles about children, I pay more attention to this aspect, and as far as I know, in fact, there are not a few children who do not know their parents.
Not long ago, a reader's mother named Fang confided in me about her troubles.
Fang's daughter is 25 years old, her grades are not good, she barely studied a five-year college, graduated for two or three years, and is still idle at home all day, and she does not want to work.
Some time ago, Fang's mother-in-law was sick, Fang's husband just happened to be on a business trip, And Fang ran at both ends of the hospital alone, really tired enough.
In this situation at home, Fang's daughter still has the same ten fingers as always, and she sleeps until noon every day before getting up, waiting for Fang to cook the rice before going downstairs to eat.
Fang herself can't take care of eating, she has to send food to her mother-in-law first, get it home, the bowl where her daughter eats, the dinner table is placed like that, and she doesn't know how to collect it.
One night, Fang's sister-in-law was free, so she went home early and let her sleep well.
At this time, Fang's daughter called and asked Fang to buy ×× the wontons of the family and bring them back to her for supper.
Fang was tired and sleepy, but still went around a big circle to buy, that day a little rain, Fang did not pay attention when turning, rubbed on the road teeth, the skin on the feet are broken.
When she got home, her daughter tasted it and immediately complained to Fang: Mom, where you bought it, it was not delicious at all.
Fang said: At that moment, I was really disheartened, I was 25 years old, I had a bowl of wontons in my eyes, and I didn't see my mother's injured leg at all.
Fang asked me: You say, what is the use of adopting a daughter?
Such inquiries often leave me speechless.
I often think about this question: why is it so hard to raise an ungrateful child?
It is the duty of parents to do their best to raise a child, and it is never expected to be rewarded.
However, one day, when this child has grown up and has reached the age of self-reliance, he still relies on his parents, thinking that everything his parents do for him is taken for granted, and even, one day, he will do less, and he will feel resentful.
This is really a tragedy of education, not the original intention of our children.
03
The above two children, I do not know much about the family environment in which they grew up, I do not know how their parents have educated and guided them since childhood.
But I think that when a child grows up, what kind of appearance he looks like is actually traceable.
To put it bluntly: their parents are very responsible for everything these two children have today.
My niece Yan Bao, from the age of 5, she can do "parents call, should not slow down, parents fate, do not be lazy."
At that time, my father was seriously ill and had limited mobility, and no matter what time, he just shouted: Words.
Yan Bao, who was only 5 or 6 years old at the time, would immediately run over and ask: Grandpa, what do you want?
Even if you shout 100 times a day, you will be so agile, quick and soft to ask.
Then, it is to help Grandpa bring water, take a towel, cushion the pillow, not too much trouble.
Now that she is older, she doesn't often come home because she has to live in the city for school, but every Friday, she urges her mother to buy good food and go back to the countryside to see her grandmother.
It is usually home from school, and it is also to wash your hands and help your mother serve rice and dishes and clean up the table. There are delicious foods, but also for mom and dad to taste first.
Sometimes, I even thought about keeping some for our three aunts to go back to eat.
Our family is only 14 years old this year.
My relatives and friends said: Yan Bao was born a good child of filial piety.
There are causes and effects in the world's things, and in addition to IQ, how many are innately brought about.
To a large extent, our behavior is actually the copy-paste and relay of her parents' words and deeds.
My brother is almost 40 years old, and before every business trip, he will sit in front of my mother's bed and tell my mother carefully about his itinerary, his thoughts, his joys and sorrows.
My sister-in-law is also, every time she is paid, she thinks of giving my mother some money first, then buying some delicious food, bringing Back Yan Bao, and making food for Grandma.
At the dinner table, the delicious food is first forced to be eaten by Grandma, and then given to Yan Bao. Yan Bao has a kind of learning, and what to eat is also to let Grandma eat first.
The family has talked and talked, and they are affectionate and warm.
Growing up in such a loving family atmosphere, the filial piety of our family is a very common thing.
04
And many of the families we see, how do they educate their children?
The most they I've ever seen say is:
Good boy, all the delicious food in the house belongs to you!
Baby, your grandma doesn't eat, you eat well!
You just have to study hard, and let your mother do everything else!
……
The more such words are said, the children will become accustomed to it.
As a result, the following situations naturally arise:
After eating, pushing the bowl, watching TV or going to play, the mother dragged the tired body alone to clean up the dishes;
There are delicious things at home, parents do not eat a bite, leaving the child to enjoy alone, and children, rarely invite parents to eat;
Children are sick, parents take care of them meticulously, and parents are unwell, and most children turn a blind eye and do not understand greetings.
Some children, young, dare to confront their parents at will, provoke their parents to be angry, and their parents in turn have to pay caution and smiley faces.
And so on, which is to raise children, this is clearly to provide for the ancestors.
Children in this kind of growing up environment have become accustomed to the care and love given by their families.
They even think that the love of their parents and family for themselves is taken for granted and deserved.
They only know how to accept gifts from love, never thought of giving, and did not think of how to love their families to filial piety to their parents.
Therefore, raising a filial child has a lot to do with the words and deeds of the parents, and some of the parents' behaviors will directly lead to the filial piety or non-filial piety of the child.
This is a bit of a curse, but it is true.
As the saying goes: "Three years old looks small, seven years old looks old." "
Many parents only want to use wishful thinking to make their children excellent, but often neglect to teach their children filial piety first.
A child who can be filial to his parents from an early age will certainly have no bad luck and a better future.
Don't follow the crowd and think about something: as long as the children have a career, in the future I will not want their filial piety and care.
Believe me, we Chinese have an almost deep-seated obsession with the pursuit of natural happiness.
In their old age, no matter how good and capable children are, they are not as considerate and filial as children who will pour tea and water, which makes us feel happier and more successful.