Introduction: Many people have been beaten by their parents in childhood because of naughtiness, and even many children have grown up in beatings, although people are paying more and more attention to family education and scientific parenting, and advocating equality, democracy and respect for children. But children's perspective on problems is completely different from adults, and sometimes doing something is a headache, and parents can't help but be unable to control their emotions or even "fight hard". Don't know you're such a parent?
There has always been a godson view of loving children to scold, and many parents also agree with this practice, there have been data showing that no less than 80% of children in our country have been subjected to corporal punishment from their parents. The purpose of parents is to learn profound lessons by letting their children suffer from flesh and skin. It is true that some children become very well-behaved and obedient after being beaten frequently, but this is not necessarily a good phenomenon.
From the perspective of growth, obeying the parents in everything, because of the fear of being beaten and resigned, will make the child become lack of autonomy and have no opinion. Or become sensitive, it is easy to influence the original decision because of a word from a parent or other person.
On a subway line in Beijing, a mother twisted her child's face in public in the carriage and made him kneel. Some passengers said that the seven- or eight-year-old child was holding a mobile phone in the seat, outsiders did not know what mistake he had made, and when the mother twisted his face, the child's mask was pulled down.
The child did not resist the whole time, nor did he dodge, just silently put the mask on, the mother did not stop, continued to fight, knocked off the hat, grabbed the mobile phone and wanted to fight. The boy subconsciously blocked it with his hand, and his mother was very angry, directly made him kneel, and threw his school bag to the ground. When he was beaten, the child did not dodge and left it at the disposal of the mother.
After arriving at the station, the mother flew away, and the child hurriedly got up and picked up the school bag from the carriage and quickly chased after the mother. Many people say that even if the child has a big mistake, it is not appropriate to teach a lesson in public, let alone fight, no matter how young he is, he has self-esteem!
In many families, parents are provoked by a small matter, and they inevitably fight hard. From the perspective of parents, they are not satisfied with their children's words and deeds, their emotions are difficult to control, and they hope to use the way of hitting to make children realize their mistakes and be impressed to correct them. People's instinctive reactions will be to avoid when they are beaten, but often many children know that they will be beaten, and they will not run or resist. Why? There are three reasons, after listening to it, you will be distressed to hug the child, and you are not willing to hit him again!
Reason one: fear inside, body out of control
When many people encounter some difficulties, they are helpless because they are frightened, and they want to run away quickly, but their behavior cannot conform to their hearts, even adults will encounter such a situation.
In the hearts of children, parents are the most trusted and dependent people, and they are also the people who love themselves the most, and when parents corporal punishment is completely different from the usual pampered state. The child's inner gap makes him feel insecure and overwhelmed, afraid that his body will not be controlled by the mind for a while, and he is also worried that he will be punished more severely for escaping beatings.
Reason two: silent resistance
Every child has a sense of self, especially after the age of 2, and many things they do according to their own ideas. Some parents think that their children have done something wrong and will violently solve it in anger.
In the child's opinion, he thinks that he is not wrong, or does not understand where the mistake is. Therefore, allowing parents to punish not to run or make trouble, to make a silent resistance, this is a manifestation of negative emotions, this part of the child's general personality is more stubborn.
Reason three: Running away doesn't solve the problem
Some children will not stay where they are when they are initially beaten, and they will choose to run away, but in the end, their parents will be more angry, more severe criticism and punishment, leaving a shadow in their hearts. When he was beaten again, he was afraid to run again, simply did not run, let his parents fight, hoping that his parents would dissipate as soon as possible, and he would no longer suffer from the pain of flesh and skin.
When dissatisfied with the child's words and deeds, parents can first adjust to calm their emotions, if the reaction is too fierce, it is bound to scare the child, which makes him easy to become a timid and cowardly person in the future.
Sometimes the child does not do things as the parents imagine, through the guidance of him to tell the original intention of doing this thing, and then judge the reason for the mistake, after communication to give the child full explanation of time and rights.
Tips: From a psychological point of view, children who grow up in a violent environment have a more sensitive, stubborn personality, easy to have a sense of resistance, and are easily affected by violence as a more violent person, or become cowardly and timid to become a flattering personality.
epilogue:
Growing up, children make mistakes inevitably, some mistakes are caused by limited cognition or curiosity, and children who knowingly commit mistakes or deliberately oppose their parents are only a very small number. There are also many ways to educate, and it is the most unwise and ineffective way to fight and export to scold. Treat the child as an independent individual, give respect and understanding, think more from his point of view when encountering problems, listen to the child's ideas, and communicate with an understanding and equality mentality.
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