Many mothers say that their children actually want to learn, and they know that they should work hard and do not want to give up learning, but when it comes to learning, they can't learn.
Parents are in a hurry and don't know how to help their children?
A parent who studied psychology in moms used to experience such troubles for a long time.
This parent's child is very smart, which is particularly evident in mathematics, often because others have seen many times and do not know how to solve the problem, he thinks about it a little and solves it.
It is precisely because of this that she has always believed that her child will definitely be admitted to a good high school.
But under such expectations, the child develops in the opposite direction:
Not only is the homework procrastinating, but also the class is often deserted.
This made her feel very anxious and depressed at one point.
Quarrels have been quarreled and scolded, but children's learning has always shown a state of laziness and inefficiency.
Children are sometimes very aggrieved, and they also say that they also want to learn, but they can't calm down, and they can't always put their minds on learning.
Mothers who study at the Mom Psychological Growth College know that in the face of their children's problems, we must first understand the reasons behind the children's problems, and then say what to do.
Before analyzing the causes, we need to understand the structure of the human brain.
The human brain is divided into triple brains:
The first to develop and the first to evolve is the reptilian brain, also known as the primitive brain or brainstem, which is the smallest part of the brain.
The role of the primitive brain is to maintain the basic survival function of the human body, and in the innermost layer of our brain, it controls our instinctive responses.
The human reptilian brain, and all reptilian brains, are essentially indistinguishable and are not controlled by the will.
It is impulsive, responsive, and its main function is survival, self-defense in dangerous situations, such as heartbeat, breathing, fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction, without emotion.
For example: instinctively dodging vehicles when crossing the road, babies will be born to feed, etc.;
The second layer is the nursing brain, also known as the emotional brain or the emotional brain.
This heavy brain is in the second layer, the "perceptual brain" is the control center of the emotional and autonomic nervous system, mainly responsible for emotions, mood and sorrow, emotional memory (emotion-led memory) and attention, and control people's positive (feedback) and negative (punitive) behaviors.
The emotional brain has the function of learning and memory, which is why the animal's survival ability is relatively strong.
For example, if you eat a certain food and cause illness, you will learn the experience and save it to avoid the next poisoning.
Judgment and behavior are made through emotional feelings, such as: the puppy sees the bone and will desperately grab it.
When we fall into a frenzy of desire, emotion, affection, vigilance, and melancholy, the "emotional brain" is at work.
The third layer is the rational brain, the outermost cortex of the brain, which accounts for 80% of the weight of the brain, which is the most important difference between us humans and other animals.
Responsible for the functions of rational thinking such as language speaking, writing, planning reasoning, learning adaptation, and abstract thinking, so that human beings have the ability to analyze problems.
The human brain develops from the inside out, and the rational brain does not develop until the age of 3, until it is about 20 years old.
When people are relaxed and happy, the rational brain begins to work, and when people are in a state of fear and stress, the primitive brain and emotional brain begin to work.
Therefore, if people are always in a state of tension, the primitive brain and emotional brain will be in a state of excessive excitement, and the rational brain is not active enough, and the development will not be good.
After understanding the structure of the brain, let's see if the child is learning, the parents are more strict and more strict, such as:
When children write homework, we stare at the side, and if we write a wrong word, we will train;
The test results were not good, I was criticized by the teachers at school, the ridicule of the classmates, and after I came back, my parents continued to preach and even scold.
When a child is afraid when he mentions learning, the brain is always in a state of anxiety and emergency, and in this state, the child will always be in a state of tension.
At this time, the child's emotional brain and primitive brain begin to work, and although the emotional brain also has learning and memory functions, it does not have an analytical function.
When learning in primary school, more is needed is the memory function, the ability to analyze problems and solve problems is not high, so many parents manage their children very strictly, and their children's academic performance in primary school is still good.
But in the senior year or middle school, not only memory is needed, but more is the ability to analyze problems, solve problems, and make comprehensive judgments.
Although the child wants to learn, but because of the long-term tension, and learning has a bad emotional link, as soon as the learning, the primitive brain and the emotional brain began to work, people will enter a state of stress and anxiety, the rational brain can not work, naturally can not learn into it.
If the child does not learn to go in, there will be a rush, self-blame, guilt and other negative emotions, and afraid of being criticized and punished by the parents and teachers, the child will be more anxious, the brain is completely in the state of primitive brain work, and the function of learning is lost.
Can't read the book, can't think about the requirements of the topic, the brain is in a state of stagnation.
So how can we improve it?
The first thing to do is to make it easy for your child.
Parents may say that they are about to take the exam, they are about to take the exam, the college entrance examination is gone, the time is not waiting for anyone, if you do not put pressure on him, the results will definitely not be good.
However, the result of applying pressure can only make the child more stressed and anxious.
Therefore, our nagging and our supervision, instead of helping the child, will play the opposite role.
When the pressure reaches a certain level, when the child is extremely nervous and afraid, his rational brain will be completely out of control, and the survival protection instinct of the primitive brain will start to fight with the parents, or escape the pressure.
In addition, adolescent children are inherently emotionally unstable, and some children will make extreme behaviors such as self-harm and suicide under impulse.
The growth of a child is a lifetime, not a test can be decided.
Human development and growth need the rational brain to play a more role, parents want to really help children, we must let children learn and live more in the rational brain state, that is, let the children be in a relaxed and pleasant state.
School learning pressure is high, fierce competition is something we can't change and can't avoid, but in the family, parents should reduce the pressure on their children, let the children release the negative emotions generated outside, the child's rational brain can have more time to work, the child's learning state will get better and better, and his intelligence level can really play out.
Many of our parents say that children are actually quite smart, that is, they don't learn.
The child does not want to learn, he cannot continue to learn, and his intelligence and intelligence cannot be exerted.
For ordinary people, the competition between people and people is not the competition of intelligence level, but the competition of whether the intelligence level can be played normally, and whether the intelligence level can be played normally, parents play a decisive role.
This requires parents themselves to first have a stable personality, and when the child feels stress and anxiety, become the child's needle and truly help the child.
This is not to report how many classes to the child, every day to supervise and nag the child in this way, but to let themselves learn and grow, to become a strong heart, stable personality parents.
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