Today the landlady asked me out for a drink, because my alcohol intake is particularly good, so ten bottles of beer under the belly, people are not dizzy, not dizzy. Several times the landlady tried to attack me, but couldn't find it

Today the landlady asked me out for a drink, because my alcohol intake is particularly good, so ten bottles of beer under the belly, people are not dizzy, not dizzy. Several times the landlady tried to attack me, but didn't find the opportunity. Finally, the landlady ran out of patience and directly proposed non-divisional ideas to me, but I was completely uninterested. I told her a pair, if you are right, you want to get my appeal, I am acceptable. I said: "Looking back on the past, it is like a dream, but I don't know that I am a guest in my dream, I am greedy and happy, and I am tired of beautiful people for no reason!" Falling flowers? How can you remember that you are delusional or unintentional, heaven and earth? The landlady was immediately confused: "So long? Who can come up to you? ”

2. I worked for a self-media company, and the company went out of business in just one year. Seeing that the flower shells were about to expire, I was riding a small electric donkey and slowly walking to find a job. Then a Maserati suddenly stopped in front of me, and I was puzzled. I saw my old classmate and walked down, thinking that I still let him come here to develop, and even his wife was introduced by me. Now look at others, look at yourself, at that time I wish there was a seam that could be drilled into. Since then, I have had a life experience: to wear a helmet when riding a bicycle!

3. I don't want to cook at noon today, so my wife ordered takeaway for me, and waited for an hour before the takeaway arrived. I was so hungry that I couldn't stand it, so I called the shop owner: The takeaway I ordered at 10 o'clock has not been delivered after more than an hour? Shop Owner: Wait a minute, I'll check the order. A few minutes later, the shop owner: the person who wrote the email address of the original delivery address is you, you wait, our delivery man is delivering food along the network cable.

4. I am pinching my daughter-in-law's legs, and she is relaxing and enjoying herself with her eyes closed. At this time, my phone rang, and it was called by a student who had not been seen for many years, and the student said that her friend had a birthday and drank too much. I squeaked two perfunctorily, and the student sister said: That is, after drinking, I dare to tell you that I had a crush on you. The daughter-in-law suddenly said: Husband, change your posture. I said okay, and suddenly there was no sound over there.

5. My brother-in-law and younger siblings are alumni of Fudan University. When they fell in love, the paper could not contain the fire, and was discovered by the class teacher, who asked them to talk. Ten years later, at a class reunion, the brother-in-law toasted to the teacher. Brother-in-law: "Teacher, thank you for telling me to cherish her, and now my career with her help is also a small achievement!" The teacher smiled and said, "You should thank her, because what I told her was to let her leave you!" ”

6. Lao Zhang was unemployed again, so he went around casting resumes to find a job. On this day, a large company told him to go to the interview, and he packed himself up neatly and went to the interview location. Boss: "We need a responsible person for this job!" Lao Zhang: "I am the person you want, in the past, when I was working, every time something happened, others would say that it was my responsibility..."

7. Recently, I don't know if the school is going to organize any theatrical performances, a small fart upstairs, singing Lu Binghua at home every day. The key is that as soon as the song is sung, it is very late, and the parents do not say it, and there is no way to sleep. Last night, just as he was about to go to sleep, he began to sing again: "Stars in the sky..." I couldn't stand it anymore, ran to the balcony, and shouted: "Sam Beidou! "It's quiet now, and I haven't found it back to this day!"

8. Yesterday on my way to work, I met an adult with a little boy. The little boy came up to me and said, "Big sister, I want to marry you, can I?" I startled the child, so I said to him, "When you grow up, your sister can consider it." Just after he finished speaking, a man in the back said, "You little boy, give me back to my sister, hurry up and go to school for me." ”

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #