The mainland has a long history, and in the long history, too many customs and cultures have been passed on. And today, some ancient sayings have also become empirical talk, such as this saying about marriage:
Marry the wife first to see the mother, and the husband to see the father first.
It doesn't seem to have any deep meaning, but even today, there is still an empirical reference for men and women who choose marriage.
Marrying a wife first looks at the mother, and the mother's personality hides the growth of the child
We divide this saying into two sentences, first, "Marry the wife and see the mother first", which is obviously the understanding and view of the bride. So why look at a bride first when you see her mother? This is not nonsense, it has a certain degree of practicality, and from a psychological point of view, it also has a certain meaning of experience summary.
Psychologists believe that
Mother is the vane of a family, and her personality, habits, behavior, etc. directly affect the development and direction of the family.
The daughter's little cotton jacket as a mother is more easily affected by it.
That is to say, the mother's personality can easily have a subtle impact on the daughter. Of course, some boys are also affected by their mother's personality, but because men and women think differently, this influence manifests itself differently.
At the same time, the mother, as the person with the most children at home, has the characteristics of long-term smoking children.com.
How a mother usually handles things, how to treat her children, and how to deal with people around her, these will undoubtedly be seen by the children.
The girl matures to some extent earlier than the boy, and under the premise of her premature and sensible growth, the mother will of course be her earliest "teacher".
The so-called ear-to-ear dye is almost silently "inherited" to the daughter's body. In fact, we often talk about teaching by example, which is actually a normal kind of teaching by example, the mother regards her daughter as a child, may not care so much about her feelings, but in fact, the results of her actions will be projected in the heart of her daughter.
In fact, as long as we pay a little attention, we can see this phenomenon:
Many of the daughters raised by a strong mother will not be weak.
They may be largely timid, but this timidity is only for people who are relatively afraid, and on the contrary, where she takes it for granted, the strong personality will be exposed. For example, if the mother is strong in front of her husband and children, the daughter will usually not be suppressed by her husband when she grows up.
On the contrary, the sons raised by strong mothers will be more cowardly, which is probably the formation of personality due to gender differences.
The daughter is more likely to learn from the mother's actions, and the son is led by the mother's actions. Moreover, because of the precocious puberty in the personality, the girl will see the results of the mother's strong personality earlier, so that she will identify, and learn, and even be happy to harvest the results obtained by her own strength.
In addition, usually, the mother will be very clear that the daughter will marry in the future.
Therefore, when raising her daughter, she will pass on her life experience to her daughter too much, such as the experience of getting along with her husband and in-laws.
And the daughter will rebel against the mother's suppression of herself through the way of the mother, which is learning, that is, the daughter is like a mother. Mothers often can't do anything about it because they say, "This child is too much like me."
This habit of behavior has long been known by the ancients in ancient times.
They often say: Look at the heels of the mother," you know how much the girl has.
Although this statement is too arbitrary, it very vividly shows the reality that the daughter is like a mother:
The daughter will learn the mother's behavior habits, even the mother's actions and language.
This is the power of genes, although some daughters will be acquired because of changes in knowledge and other aspects and intentionally free from the influence of their mothers, but some ways of speaking, treatment of people and things are still helplessly displayed at the first time.
In fact, this is easy to understand, the so-called family style, the three views of these things, are the mother's earliest seeds planted in the child's heart, a good mother will always find their own shortcomings, so as to show the excellent side to the child, and an authoritarian mother will regard the child as nothing, or for their own works, to the fullest to shape. In this way, the daughter is very realistic like the mother,
Even Zheng Yuanjie said: The meaning of mother is influence.
It can be seen that when young people choose their future wives for themselves, they should know more about the mother-in-law and look at the advantages and disadvantages of her personality, which may allow you to better understand your wife, which will be beneficial to future married life.
The married husband looks at the father first, because the father has the greatest influence on the son
Since the influence of mothers on daughters is so profound, what is the influence of fathers on sons?
Many people may not believe that fathers have a far greater impact on sons than mothers.
When the mother is young, it is the child's greatest dependence, but when the son grows to three years old, he begins to have his own opinions.
So he would find an idol for himself to worship before he was ten years old.
And this idol is mostly born in the way of nearby choice, such as the father is the idol of most sons, which is the truth.
Moreover, father and mother are in stark contrast to sons, even if they are love. The mother's love is always nagging and managing the heavens and the earth, while the father is different,
He is relatively indifferent, and the growth of the child is seen by him as an inevitability, so he will not intervene too much.
At this time, the son will get more respect from the father, and naturally pay more attention to the father's meaning, suggestions, etc.
Although it cannot be said that the father makes the son more active, the roughness and playfulness that the father brings from his personality will unconsciously become a model for the son to learn. It can be said that the mother is more trivial to the son, the language is endless, but the father is different, he is more expressed by action.
This is very important for the growth of the child, and the son will be like a daughter learning mother, close to his father of the same sex, learning from him
Calm and silent
personality and behavior.
It is precisely because of this that the father's personality will largely become the son's future personality development. Maybe when you are young, your child's personality will not be so stable, but when you grow up, many small personalities will be displayed when you are young.
For example, self-confidence, safety, irritability, toughness and other characteristics will become similar to their father.
Some people say that this is heredity, not without reason, it is a kind of personality inheritance in genes, which cannot be avoided.
In this case, the phrase "the husband looks at the father first" becomes very well-founded.
Imagine that the husband in a happy family loves his wife, respects the elderly, and loves the image of his children, and his son must be confident, sunny, and hurtful, because this is the responsibility and habit he has learned in life.
If a girl can see this aspect of the child's personality in the man's father, it will obviously help the future marriage.
Of course, we can only say that in most cases, the growth of the son is such a process.
But today, the influence of the outside world has also become multi-channel and broad, and the influence of the father is not as detailed as that of the mother
。 Therefore, in addition to seeing who his father is, his friends and mothers, including the process of growing up, are very important.
In the end, marriage is a serious and important thing, and we need to refer to external conditions and internal factors.
The relationship between the son and the father is inextricably linked, and the wise girl will certainly not be superstitious about other people's opinions, but she will not forget to learn from others' opinions.
Like the saying "marry the wife first to see the mother, the husband first look at the father", of course, we can not completely copy and paste, but as a reference is still very reliable.