Text/Cat Anchor/Small Building
Not long ago, I saw a couple's Spring Festival divorce encounter on the Internet, and I was very emotional.
Before marriage, the husband and wife agreed that the Spring Festival would take turns to go to each other's home for the New Year, that is, to go to the husband's house for the New Year this year, and to go to the wife's house for the New Year next year.
At first, the plan has been implemented well, but just this year's Spring Festival, the two broke out into a fierce quarrel.
According to the plan, this year should go to the wife's house for the New Year, but the husband's mother has a serious illness, so the husband suddenly changes his mind.
He said to his wife: "My mother is in very bad health now, maybe in a few years, or will she go to my house for the New Year this year?" After all, your mother is still in good health, and there will be time later! ”
The two men had been deadlocked for several nights, but neither had been able to convince the other.
So, the wife took a step back and proposed a plan to return to each house.
But the husband still disagreed, worried that going home alone would make his parents worry and would be gossiped by the neighbors.
But the wife's attitude was firm: "I will return, you can't control me!" ”
In anger, the husband left a harsh word, either the wife accompanied him home, or the two divorced.
In this way, the couple who originally had a good relationship said that they were separated.
In fact, many times, what kills marriage is not a matter of principle such as infidelity, but some small things.
The so-called long-term marriage is to deal with these small things well and turn the endless flow of trouble into a sweet burden.
Image source: Panorama Vision
Marriage is not a graveyard of love
I don't know how to manage it
Someone asked: How to have a good married life? There is a high praise at the bottom who replied: Just as if the marriage is not married.
Yes, how many couples, after getting married, think that they have a chance to win, and begin to take all kinds of flukes to "be lazy".
If you are married, what romance do you want?
They are all married people, what image do you pay attention to?
Someone raised me, why do you have to fight so hard?
As everyone knows, marriage is never the end of love. All kinds of trivial matters after marriage, chai rice oil and salt, childcare and pension, all test your relationship.
If you don't know how to manage, even the closest lover will become a relationship that is more awkward than strangers, and the warmest harbor will also become the source of all the wind and waves.
American psychologist Harry proposed that everyone has an "emotional account" in their hearts, and every time the other party does something that makes you happy, it is to deposit money in your emotional account; every time you do something that hurts you, it is to withdraw money from your emotional account.
In the marriage relationship, the accumulation of hurt after injury is enough to make your emotional account arrears, and the two people who love each other will gradually drift apart.
Just like Zhu Yaqiong and Wang Qiuyu in the variety show "Goodbye Lover".
When I first met, Zhu Yaqiong went to the crew to audition, and there were three interviewers sitting opposite, and the moment she saw Wang Qiuyu, her eyes lit up.
Zhu Yaqiong said: "I especially like men who wear plaid shirts. ”
Wang Qiuyu was also impressed by Zhu Yaqiong's youth and talent.
The beauty of falling in love is the moment when their emotional account balance is the highest. But the two have been together for a long time, they will forget to save money in the emotional account in time, and slowly, the feelings of the two will fade.
The wife writes songs and sings for her husband, and everyone else praises it, but the husband says that he doesn't feel it.
The wife feels that the sense of ceremony is very important, but the husband feels very tormented.
Once while playing a game, the husband was asked "Do you really hate your wife singing so much?" ”
He firmly said "hate", and after his wife listened, she was hit by ten thousand critical hits in her heart and asked him "why do you hate yourself so much".
Although the two have been together for 20 years and have children in common, once the balance on the emotional account is exhausted, the relationship between the two will also come to an end.
After all, no matter how deep the feelings, they will also lose to the unsympathetic management. The right person is never a reward from heaven, but a person you left with your heart, who does not know how to manage marriage, and it is difficult to be happy when you meet anyone.
The biggest disaster in marriage
There is not a grain of sand in the eyes
Many people have beautiful fantasies about marriage, thinking that marriage is the happy ending in fairy tales.
But slowly, you will find that imperfection is the truth of marriage. If you blindly strive for perfection, you are bound to be disappointed in your marriage.
A friend of mine, while working at the Civil Affairs Bureau, met a regular customer who came to apply for divorce.
In 10 years, the woman has been divorced 4 times. Her ex has a different economic income and personality, but every time she divorces, she will lament that the man she is looking for is not as good as one.
The reason for her divorce is even more shocking to the staff at the scene, such as the other party taking off his shoes and throwing them around, not washing the dishes immediately after eating, and the socks cannot be washed every day.
She is very demanding of herself, and so is her husband, and every time she is dissatisfied, she wants a divorce, thinking that she can find someone better.
But after so many years, no one could meet her requirements, she was still alone, she began to regret it, and the last time she didn't leave.
There are always people who think that there is a problem in marriage, it is better to change people, but the reality is that if a person is not willing to compromise on anything, then how many people they change to get married cannot feel happy.
I agree with a point of view of the writer Li Yueliang: who to marry is very important, and how to live with this person is equally important.
After all, marriage is not only the union of two people, but also a purgatory-like run-in.
Think of hong Kong actress "Pomegranate Sister" Yuan Qiongdan, although she often plays a clown in the film to make everyone happy, but in marriage, she is very strong, asking her husband to do things perfectly.
Once her husband did something wrong, she picked up the alarm clock and smashed it at him, and her husband's eyes were instantly blue. In a fit of rage, she also made a fuss about signing a separation agreement with her husband.
She has a hot temper and impulsiveness, and in the long run, she does not have to think about it to know that the lives of the two are like "powder kegs", which will be detonated at any time.
It wasn't until her mother had a serious illness and saw her husband busy taking care of her mother-in-law without half a word of complaint that she began to rethink the meaning of the family.
Image Source:
Panoramic vision
She began to let go of her obsession with perfection, allowing each other to make mistakes, accepting each other's imperfections, and the married life of the two became sweeter and sweeter.
Marriage is like this, the more you force perfection, the easier it is to dislike each other. The more you learn to tolerate and accept, the easier it is to live a married life.
As Fu Seoul said: When I was young, I also thought that I could not tolerate a grain of sand in my eyes, and after ten years, I found that marriage was actually the Sahara.
There is no perfect marriage in the world, and a long-term marriage is to love each other's advantages, accept each other's imperfections, and tolerate each other's unintentional faults.
Everything is calculated
It is the poison in marriage
The writer Uncle Mo said: "Judging whether the feelings of two people will last is not to see what the other party has done during the hot love period, but what is the attitude of the other party when two people have a conflict." ”
In marriage, there is no 100% love, but there are definitely 100% problems.
The two worked tirelessly for a day, dragging their tired bodies home, arguing about who would cook and who would clean the dishes. If the chores are all divided, then no one wants to do more.
Every New Year's Festival, whose parents accompany them longer, and whose relatives give more money, they must "kiss the husband and wife, and settle the account clearly."
If in a marriage there are only shrewd and calculating businessmen, and there is no lover who gives in to each other, the marriage must be trembling, like walking on thin ice.
Some time ago, a mother posted a request for help message on Weibo, which made countless people feel uneasy.
Her child was only 14 hours old when she was forcibly snatched away.
It was not someone else who snatched her child, it was her husband, and what was even more unexpected was that his husband stole the child only to recover the 70,000 dowry money.
The wife pleads bitterly with her husband to return the child, but only gets a cold response from the other party: when the money is in place, when to send you the child.
It is not terrible to have contradictions in marriage, but what is terrible is that as soon as a quarrel occurs, the two sides will only fight to win or lose, on right and wrong, grab interests, and no one will suffer losses.
Once the two begin to worry about it, the marriage is doomed to be left with only a chicken feather.
In "Strange Story", Zang Hongfei once had a wonderful debate:
Why do we say that the love of the Titanic is great, because you jump and I jump, if it becomes two people who are preoccupied, it becomes, then I want to jump, what if you don't jump? I still don't believe it, you jump I definitely jump!
I jumped, what do you do if you don't jump, grandson, you have a lifebuoy hidden behind you, you play with me this set? Is this still called great love?
If you are preoccupied, it becomes black humor.
Yeah, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't count on each other?
The difficulty is to operate together with heart and have a love from white head to old age. Resist the ravages of time together and not let the people you love go away.
A good marriage can nourish two people, while in a bad marriage, no one can be left alone.
As the owl of the writer Lao Yang said:
There is no win or loss in love, only "win-win", or "common loss".
In marriage, blindly calculating to lose and win and lose, dismantling each other, and eventually losing both.
Only by knowing how to tolerate and let each other be perfect, can your marriage be safe and sound.
Alain De Botton once wrote in The Evolution of Love: "General materiel is the achievement of love, not the premise." ”
In marriage, there have never been two people who are born suitable, and only two people can tolerate each other and grind off some edges and corners in order to fit into each other's track.
Don't give up when you can cherish it, and don't give up when you can understand each other, the tip of the needle is to Mai Mang.
The world is very big, there are many people who accompany you for a while, and there are very few people who accompany you all your life. While running a marriage is hard, loving someone is the best answer!
Author: Cat, Duty Editor: Hu Tianyue.