Author: Creative Group Makino
Has your child ever had any of the following? Just after achieving some results, I began to be proud and complacent. If you have a little understanding, you will not listen to opinions and point fingers at will. I feel better than other children, and I often ignore the "gibberish" of others. IT has a specific term called "backward compatibility", which means that the software can run on more computers. The "downward compatible personality" refers to the fact that the child can not only be far-sighted and majestic in the world, but also be able to lean over to respect and listen to others. As a teacher, I have met many children who seem to be excellent, and they are indeed superior to other children in some places. But these children usually enlarge their own excellence too much and are no longer willing to be with relatively weak children. In fact, these children are precisely missing the ability to be compatible with the downwards.
Downward compatibility is the foundation of a child's success There is a very good student in my class, but every time I team up, no one is willing to cooperate with him. I carefully observed it and found that every time the teacher finished talking about the rules, he could quickly understand the meaning and quickly find the key to victory.
At this time, many other children are still stuck in the process of digesting the rules, so he begins to point out impatiently, and sometimes says a few words of mockery to others. "It's also too simple! How can you guys be so stupid? "Pigs can do it, why don't you?" In the end, most of the children refused to team up with him, and he, instead of feeling wrong, complained to the teacher that others were too weak.
Later, I communicated with the parents of the children, but the parents felt that the excellent children did not need to go into the group.
There are two sides to everything, and a good child can be unsociable, but he must have the ability to fit in.
In fact, there are many such children in life, for example, if they are slightly better than others, or if they get praise more than other children, it is easy to get carried away and arrogant. It is a common sense that every adult knows that arrogant soldiers must be defeated, but children may have to hit the wall countless times to understand this truth. The reason is that children's cognition of themselves is not comprehensive enough, and when they find that they are better than others in some aspects, they will one-sidedly think that they are better than others in all aspects, and then produce pride.
But if these children can always keep their feet on the ground, do not magnify themselves, do not look down on others, even if they are praised, they can also humbly and cautiously continue to restrain their behavior. Then, such a child is bound to have a better future. Every child who can always be excellent must have humble character.
Thinking of high danger, then thinking of humility and self-shepherding; fearing full of profit, then thinking of the river and the sea under the hundred rivers. Downward compatibility is a humble attitude for a child, and this is also the best upbringing for a child.
Downward compatibility, so that children learn to win-win
He Jiang, a Harvard student who won the Guo Moruo Scholarship, shared at the Harvard University graduation ceremony how he gained a strong learning ability through the "Feynman Learning Method": in the process of repeatedly speculating on the problem for his brother, he not only made his brother's learning progress by leaps and bounds, but also re-consolidated his knowledge from the root of the problem.
Excellent children can always make both parties get the best experience and achievements, and can turn "useless" into "useful".
In the movie "Green Book", Tang, a black piano artist, because he wants to go south to perform, hires Tony, a white man who is in urgent need of earning money, as his driver. One is an elegant doctor who talks politely and plays the piano in the auditorium in a tuxedo, and the other is an ordinary civilian who hangs out in nightclubs and nibbles on chicken legs. Along the way, the two people had countless frictions because of their different values and behavior habits. Don can't stand Tony's vulgarity, and Tony can't get used to Don's pretense. It wasn't until they survived the crisis on the road together that the two finally understood and accepted each other's differences and became friends who could help each other: Don saw Tony's letter to his wife, laughed at the letter he wrote like a kidnapping letter, and helped him polish into a warm love sentence: When I think of you, I think of the beautiful plains of Iowa.
Tony, on the other hand, invites Don to his extended family for a Christmas party at the end of the film, giving Don a first taste of true respect. In life, we may as well guide children how to get along with people they think are weaker. At that time, they will understand that it is appropriate to lower their posture and choose to grow with others in order to truly achieve each other's achievements. A child with downward compatibility must be nourishing the lives of others while also allowing himself to have a consistently excellent background.
How to develop your child's downward compatibility
1. Respect for the "relatively weak"
There's a classic quote in The Great Gatsby: When you feel like you want to criticize someone, remember that not everyone has the advantage you have.
Some educational methods always let children blindly worship the strong. But the unity of children's cognition leads them to simply understand the opposite of worshipping the strong as despising the weak.
What's even more frightening is that children's behavior and expression are sometimes "simple and rude", and they will prove that they are also one of the strong by hitting and belittling the behavior of the weak.
Whether it is the individual differences between children or the unfair distribution of educational resources, these will lead to the local "relative excellence" of each child. At this time, as a parent, we should guide our children to establish a correct value system: do not measure others by their own yardstick, recognize the differences and complementarities of individual development and knowledge environment, no matter who the other party is, no matter what the current situation of the other party, at least achieve basic respect.
2. Know how to empathize and empathize
There was a heart-warming video on the Internet that was widely circulated: the younger brother who was playing with the fountain was knocked down by the big child who suddenly rushed over, and the sister on the side found the helplessness and grievance of the younger brother, and rushed forward to hug him, laughing and comforting.
Those who have empathy are always the first to experience the feelings of others. The book "Child Emotional Psychology" writes that cultivating children's empathy is to make children "honest, humble, accepting, inclusive, grateful, hopeful and forgiving", to replace "lying, arrogance, blindness, profit," narrow-mindedness and selfishness." Arthur Ziamicaoli, a professor of psychology at Harvard University in the United States, once said that empathy can make people want to change their lives with others. This power is a powerful action force promoted by the sense of justice in the child's nature. And those who have empathy are more motivated to move forward.
3. Parents are the original embryos of children's education
In an article, I saw such a story: the mother took her daughter to visit a new neighbor, the two adults talked happily, and the children also got together. When it was getting late, the daughter said goodbye to her new partner and agreed on a time to play together next time. After returning home, the daughter was excited to share her happiness with her mother, and finally muttered: "If only the little sister next door didn't stutter." The child's mother heard the regret in her daughter's mouth and smiled: "Then did you have fun with her today?" "Happy!" "Do you still think it's important that she stutters?" "Well, it doesn't seem that important."
Gold has no feet, no one is perfect. When a child is "blinded by a leaf", parents need to be the hand that pulls away the "leaf". Educationalist Thomas Arnold once said: Parents' words and deeds are silent teachers, consciously or unconsciously, and they play a subtle role. The godson is the first to straighten out, and the parents' example is a word of transmission in the children's long years, and the silent teaching of moisturizing things.
Director Wong Kar-wai once shared a sentence: People's life is the process of seeing themselves, seeing heaven and earth, and seeing sentient beings.
Seeing oneself is to understand oneself, to know oneself, to see heaven and earth, not to be limited to oneself, to broaden one's horizons, and to see sentient beings is to share what one has learned and think with others and grow with others. Children are actually very helpless in the process of growing up. He needs to put on the armor we wear for him, to be sharp, to be encouraged and guided, to open his curled body, to stretch out his clenched hands, to feel and accept the difference. As parents, we know that children will eventually grow up to be adults facing the adult world alone, the fairy tale world will not always exist, we need to teach children to get along with others, the ability to get along with the outside world.
And to cultivate the child's downward compatibility is not to let him blindly lower his posture, to cater to, to be vain and snake. On the contrary, it is to let him understand that he must not be wronged by himself, but also not to ignore others, to embrace his own strengths, but also to tolerate the shortcomings of others, to do the best, but also to accept the worst.
Author: Mu Qingye, New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy), conveys the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.