I really want to kill him, I don't want to live anyway, I definitely can't live him
I helped him take care of his father, who was paralyzed in bed, but since he left, he had left the old man in his 90s with me.
I was also almost seventy years old, my hands and feet were rheumatism, many joints were deformed, and I couldn't go on with pain every day, but I still took care of him.
He is particularly fat, paralyzed in bed for six years, can eat, drink and pull, often pull the paste everywhere, I can't move him alone, he has a big temper, sometimes pinch me to beat me with something, saying that I am not good to him to kill him.
In fact, I really want to kill him, I am not living a life now, I always want to die, if it were not for the fact that the daughter who married to the south was still a little worried, I would have died a long time ago, let him live by himself, I would definitely not be able to live him.
Yesterday I endured the pain of my fingers steaming buns, he ate four and still had to eat, I didn't give him he scolded me for not being human, and then he ate another one.
At night he pulled so much, the whole house stinks, making his legs on his feet and hands everywhere, I gave him a wipe while shedding tears, suddenly my stomach twitched, I didn't have time to run out, I threw him up, watching his angry eyes to hit me with something, I collapsed at that time, I threw himself into the bathroom and cried, crying and vomiting, who do I owe in my life? How can I be made to suffer this sin?
Since then, I've felt like a mentally ill person, in a trance all day, waking up every morning and thinking about dying.
Every day I look at the bed with a rosy face
He, I really don't know when I'm a head this day?
One day he wanted to drink soup, I gave him the soup, he took a sip and said it was too salty, I said I'll give you some water, he picked up the soup and threw it at me, I was so old, where I had time to hide, a bowl of soup all spilled on my face and body, turning me hot all over the ground, I was really angry, I was crazy like throwing at him, no matter what I had around me I picked it up and beat him, this time he didn't fight back, he actually cried, this is the first time I saw him cry. He said, "You give me some medicine to make me die, I don't want to suffer any more."
I thought that his conscience found that he was afraid of my guilt, and said that for half a day he was afraid of his own guilt, and I cried out in anger; "Do you think I don't want you to die?" Do you think I'm willing to serve you?" I want to live a few days, I want to accompany my daughter to let me spend my old age, it is because of you, you ruined my old age. If I give you medicine, am I not a murderer? ”
The more I talked, the more angry I became.
I took several and a half bottles of medicine in front of him, I told him that I was dead, no one cared about him, for the first time in my life I looked at him with fear in his eyes, he held out two hands to the sky and shouted; God save her save her! Looking at his pitiful look, I regretted it at the time, I ran to the bathroom and pressed my throat with my hand, I was not dead, I was alive again.
You tell me, when will I be able to survive?
People say that there is no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time, do you say that she is not filial piety? That's her husband, not her father! When she asked me pitifully, I had no answer, and I couldn't comfort her. Looking at her pitiful look, my eyes were full of water.
