Those tough days—with a depressed daughter (38)—when the child finally had a dream

There is a passage from "Mother's Repentance Book" (Lee Yoo Nam, South Korea):

"Faced with the urgent situation that the child may commit suicide, my ambitions and selfish expectations for the child can finally be put aside."

Is college that important? As long as the child is alive, as long as the child is normal, nothing matters, doesn't it?

After letting go of everything like this, my heart became relaxed.

One day, I said to my child:

"Do you have anything you want to do?" You can't go to school, you can not go to college, as long as you have something you want to do, your mother can help. ”

So, the two children began to toss, one moment wanted to learn baking, the other wanted to volunteer, the next wanted to play drums, many times halfway abandoned.

Children who are used to being dominated by others do not have so easy to find themselves.

But in the end, one of the two children decided to study psychology and the other decided to study philosophy, and both re-entered the university.

At present, the two children have no achievements, do not attend prestigious schools that everyone envies, and do not enter a good workplace with high salaries.

But I know that my two children have places to go every day, and I am extremely grateful to get up early in the morning and arrive at the agreed time to breathe, eat, and chat with me.

When will more parents understand?

Like my children, staying at home after school, playing games and slowly becoming a wasted person, looking at that look, you will understand immediately.

But do you want to experience something like this? ”

Here's a comment from a desperate and helpless mom this morning:

"My son, the child I loved with my life for 17 years, is now a waste.

I don't know how to face it? There is also a seven-year-old brother in the family, and I am confused and do not know how to educate?

I took a year off from high school, during which I experienced part-time work and entrepreneurship, and I am currently preparing to learn a craft and learn a tattoo artist. Smoking, alcoholism, black and white upside down.

I open a supermarket, come out early and return late, especially during the New Year, with a weight of 96 pounds, overloaded with work every day.

The child never helped me, and sometimes I couldn't stand it, so I asked him to help me. If you scream in vain, you won't come at all. But they would come to the store and ask me for money.

Leave early in the morning, leave a good meal when you leave, and when you come home at night, you will find that the meal has not moved. Sometimes go home and make lunch. But I found that I was still sleeping, making a good meal, happy to get up to eat, unhappy, so I covered my head and continued to sleep!

I was thinking, what the hell did I do to make this kid like this? I have no desire to be born anymore. ”

I hope that this mother will take the time to take a good look at the counselor and take a good look at my article and the book "Mother's Repentance Book". Because this mother's mentality has reached a very serious state, adding more classes and making more money is completely meaningless. More serious than material, and her family, is spiritual and spiritual nourishment.

Material scarcity can make people hungry, cold, and even take people's lives. The consequences of mental deprivation are just as severe.

Too many people don't realize that each of us has two lives, a physical life and a spiritual life. They will only run and toil, earning material nourishment for physical life. With a set of want to think of two sets, with high-rise want to bungalows, with bungalows want to villa, want to fill in. But they forget that spiritual life also needs spiritual nutrition, spiritual food, three meals a day, indispensable.

Therefore, at all, divide some efforts, use the mentality of pursuing material wealth to accumulate spiritual wealth, and build their own calm, confident and satisfied spiritual home.

Yes, parents of children with mental illness at home, the most afraid of seeing children who do not even play with mobile phones, lying on the bed like zombies, not eating on time, not washing well, disheveled, eyes without concentration, where is the appearance of youth?

So, when the child finally has a dream, this is a great thing to celebrate.

This shows that the child's heart has survived the cold winter and come to the spring. It was like the grass that looked like it was about to wither, and finally struggled to regain some vitality, with a little bit of fresh green.

This process is naturally quite arduous, and parents who want to experience or are experiencing it understand it.

Yes, I am in the context of the action plan of parents learning to grow and change while treating and counseling. Or to put it bluntly, after pretending to be a grandson countless times, leaving aside what principles, bottom line, truth, dignity, parental authority, etc., against my heart, and returning all the patience, tolerance, and companionship owed to my children since childhood with high interest, my daughter began to have dreams.

In the beginning, it was to learn the piano and sing.

As long as the child is willing to do something, it will not be delayed and late, and there is no need to persuade and nag bitterly.

This dream may not be what I was looking forward to. Old I will evaluate from the utilitarian heart, can piano singing be eaten as a meal? Can I improve my academic performance? Can I get into a good university?

And the new I will think that life will have to do more useless things. It is these things that seem to be wasted time that fill the soul, let the eyes have light, and let the heart have poetry and far away.

Later, the daughter said that the piano was too difficult and went to learn the guitar again. Imagine the dashing joy of guitar playing and singing.

But after not learning it a few times, she found that the untuned guitar sound during the practice made her feel bad. I saw my daughter struggling to adapt, constantly forcing herself to listen to the sound of the guitar.

The new me has better empathy and a stronger capacity for empathy. I won't swear and grin based on the course fee I paid for my heart, I will hug my daughter and let her go with the flow, don't be embarrassed for yourself. In the future, it is not uncomfortable to learn again. Life is long, don't panic.

Later, the daughter offered to study in Japan (because the cost was cheaper than in Europe and the United States).

For a long time, the old me would be angry at the first time, angrily accusing her of being a vampire, trying to force the old woman to die, and slamming the door out, why?

First, the cost of studying abroad.

A few years ago, the japanese student in Shanghai stabbed his mother nine times at the airport because he couldn't afford to pay his tuition, which was terrible.

As an ordinary family and a single mother, the cost of studying abroad is definitely a key consideration.

Moreover, if the sick child is not in a good state, the language is not understood, and the place of life is not familiar, the graduation period will be extended. A netizen said that her daughter has not taken enough credits after six years, and the cost of one more year is considerable.

Second, feasibility.

I heard that many normal children go abroad and are prone to mental illness, not to mention sick children.

As soon as I thought of my daughter getting sick abroad, unattended and lonely, my heart immediately caught up in a mess, and I was very anxious and miserable.

A friend of mine said, don't agree to her going. If such children go out, most of them will die in a foreign country.

Third, practicality.

Because my daughter has a family lineage, I myself is negative thinking, I am very pessimistic, so this only represents my personal opinion.

I think my daughter will grit her teeth and insist on returning from school, so what?

Fierce and cold workplace competition, tilting, can children calmly face and accept, smooth adaptation? Really a question mark in capital letters.

The new me still has the above confusion, but I know that in order to save my daughter's life, I will no longer simply and rudely kill her dreams. And I know my daughter's chameleon nature all too well, and I pray that she will change her mind.

Take stock of how chameleons have changed in recent months:

January-February, art examination.

March, Thought University.

In April, I wanted to drop out of school.

From May to July, I studied in Japan.

At the end of July, it was announced that he would not study abroad and would enter a domestic university. But on August 9, because two other good friends had plans to study in Japan after three years, they announced that they would study in Japan again.

Current idea, prepare for the art exam.

So, the new I did the following psychological construction:

First, there is a high probability that you may change your mind.

Why let the present get into trouble, destroy the parent-child relationship, and aggravate the child's condition for the sake of things that may not exist at all in three years?

Second, take dreams as the beacon of life.

Now that my daughter is tired of playing with her phone, she sometimes feels empty and bored and has nothing to do. Chinese New Year's Eve also announced that day that he would never spend money to charge games again, which was not cost-effective, boring, and a waste of money.

Because of the dream, the daughter is like a motor with full horsepower, picking up the long-lost books, the sound of Lang Lang reading at home, writing notes when the mouth is also using strength, the eyes are focused, and the look is calm.

This scene, at first, was only the way to say that it was normal. Today, it is precious. I am afraid that it is like a flower in the mirror, a moon in the water, and the wind blows, and it is gone.

True, whether the dream is realistic or not, whether it can be realized or not, but it can ignite the fire of life, awaken the life energy and internal drive, and help children find a truly suitable path.

Third, go with the flow.

Even if my daughter insists on going after three years, she will go.

If you can't adapt, you can go home at any time.

If she successfully graduated, it means that her daughter has finally withstood the experience, and her knowledge level, cognitive level, vision, and pattern have been greatly improved, and she is more capable of controlling life independently.

It's not good for work. Now is the age of diversity, and the daughter can always find the right path for her.

If you can't find it, it doesn't matter, it's good to drink porridge with me, just lose weight.

If something terrible happens, it happens. In the end, I can only do my own thing, and I can only accept the things of others and the things of God.

A friend asked me, do you believe in fate? I believe. However, we must also do our best and obey the destiny. Let me do nothing, just raise my hand and surrender, and I will not be willing. We must do our best to accept and surrender to the final outcome.

Thinking is clear, everything is clear, I let go of anxiety, relaxed and happy, full of vitality, full of positive energy. Live as if your daughter liked it.