Because of the epidemic, my sister's family living in Hong Kong has not returned to Beijing for two years.
My mother has not been in good health for half a year.
Before, we would have a meal every week or go to the suburbs every now and then.
Lately she doesn't like to move, we used to see her.
Last week, she told me very seriously;
It's better to have two kids!
Don't look at the brain pain of the people yao and Jimmy fighting every day, when you are older, at least one can be by your side, you will feel that the two children are good.
Seeing my mother looking at my son lovingly, I instantly felt convinced.
When I was old, I couldn't go anywhere, so my son, who opened a noodle shop downstairs, brought me a bowl of hot soup noodles.
The scene is so touching!
Whoops, whoops, you hit me first, whoops, who
I know I'm delusional again.
Me, Xiao Zhang, Jimmy.
I'm not old, they're still young.
You can't send hot noodle soup, but you will airdrop an emotional bomb.
The "hilarity" of a two-boy family may be incomprehensible to the girl's family.
Many of the contradictions between little girls are cold war, while boys are hot wars!
Every time I talked to my mother about the war situation in my family, she said with a happy face: Our family will not be yay!
The sister would tell stories to her sister, paint together, live at home, and the sisters could wear sister clothes.
It's always all kinds of pictures warm.
They would also paint their fathers with red nails, and his father would be kind no matter how helpless he was.
In our family, they will give Dad two punches in the heart, and Dad will kick him away no matter how loving he is!
In short, there is a family of two boys, and the mother is like a United Nations peacekeeper.
Every day people are protesting, provoking, fighting non-stop.
For example, two days ago, Jimmy and Xiao Zhang "killed" each other.
The cause is just a toy.
That toy was indeed Jimmy's, but he hadn't played with it in a long time.
Xiao Zhang took it out to play that day, and Jimmy rushed over when he saw it and said, "This is mine!" ", let the brother return it to him."
Brother, I will not pay it back.
The two of them started with you talking to me, and then you kicked me and kicked me, and then Jimmy started crying.
Usually at this time I will not care, when the child has a conflict, it is best not to interfere with them, let the bullet fly for a while.
Because the big can make the best, but the big has no obligation to let.
We force the big one to let go, the big one will hate the small one more, and the little one will take this "let" the Vietnam war higher and higher, pampered and proud.
Truth, we all know!
But whoever understands this matter, when the trouble is very fierce, especially when you are very tired, you feel very irritable.
Jimmy had a fever for a few days, I watched him for a few days, and Lao Zhang was also tired.
At this time, you will find that men are very prone to outbreaks when dealing with conflicts between children, especially between boys.
Old Zhang yells at Xiao Zhang, you don't know let let him?!
Xiao Zhang was also on fire, screaming "by what" and "this is not fair"!
Lao Zhang: "You have so many things, why fight for this little thing?" What does this have to do with injustice? ”
Xiao Zhang: "Obviously I played first, he didn't play, right?" Why did I give it back to him if he wanted it? You are indulging him in this way! ”
Saying that, Xiao Zhang threw things away, cried loudly, cried and cried and ran back to his room.
I've been reflecting on these two days.
Such a small thing, the brothers hit even the family affection, why?
I gave birth to my second child to give birth to a companion for the eldest, how it turned out to only trip him up.
As we all know, the second-child family has a chain of contempt.
The family of two boys fell to the bottom of the chain of contempt.
The reason is simple, boys are particularly annoying when they are young, let alone two.
Because of hormones and brain development, boys are not good at communication, no one obeys anyone, and they like to do it.
So boy families often chicken fly dog jump.
Compared with girls, they prefer to "fight".
In order to avoid contradictions, we sometimes say: two-child families, buy to buy two lumps.
This is actually a fair question.
The so-called suffering from widowhood but suffering from unevenness.
Xiao Zhang is a Libra, and fairness is greater for him than the sky.
What about Jimmy? At the age of 4, the typical self-centered period, it is too difficult for him to be "more reasonable".
But in fact, the two-child family really has no so-called fairness.
Material fairness may solve the problem temporarily, but it cannot solve all problems.
It's like Xiao Zhang and Jimmy, a toy that eats ash there when no one is playing.
Once someone takes it out to play, it immediately becomes a fragrant feast.
Whoever wants it, grabs it.
Absolute fairness, not practical.
You can still buy two servings of food, but what about toys? What about clothes? What about books?
What's more, there is a kind of fairness called psychological fairness.
My brother felt that everything had to be mine, and my brother felt that everything had to be mine.
Psychology says that having a second child, the boss is jealous.
Because it is indeed his parents who originally belonged to him, now belong to two people.
He will have a sense of crisis.
Moreover, human nature will be more kind to young and weak beings, and expectations will be lower.
As a result, the boss who went to school felt that my parents were demanding of me and caring for my brother.
The second child fight, down to a deeper level, the core is two:
The eldest felt that Mom and Dad didn't love me as much as they used to.
The second brother thinks I can't fight my brother, but when I cry, my parents will protect me.
Thinking about it, there is actually a way.
After giving birth to a second child, the first thing to do is to pay more attention to the boss
Many bosses will be very "abnormal" after having younger siblings.
For example, if you can urinate or defecate on your own, you start to pee your pants.
Obviously, he has the ability to communicate and solve problems, and he has become irritable and irritable.
This phenomenon is called "regression" in psychology.
For the eldest in a two-child family, there are not a few who have "regressive" behavior.
The boss retreats generally because he feels that he has been neglected, hoping to attract the attention of his parents and hoping to be concerned.
It's their "self-regulation" and we don't need to make a fuss, we don't need to blame, but we need to deal with it.
For example, Xiao Zhang, who never plays Ultraman cards, sees that we buy cards for Jimmy and says that he wants them too.
My first reaction was, "What are you playing with it, and you don't like it," but I said, "Okay, you tell me what you like, or if you like it more than Ultraman."
He said happily, "Mom, then you can buy me a set of books for the Junior Special Forces." ”
Talk less about big things and do more practical things.
It is nothing to let the second brother be "bullied" occasionally
The eldest and second have differences in physical strength, and the second brother basically cannot win.
When fighting between brothers, many times it is not necessary to figure out who said who first, who pushed who first.
My approach is, if there is no big danger, let them fight.
You see how far my brother will go.
Once the parents intervened, they basically started to be judges.
And the child is the character who is judged.
On the one hand, parents sometimes can't figure out what's going on, and on the other hand, it prevents them from finding their own way to solve it.
It is difficult for a clean official to break the household chores.
The confusion is the confusion.
Leave an emotionally stable person on the spot to watch, not out of line.
Don't let your child think you're afraid of contradictions
Satya, the master of family therapy, said that the problem itself is not a problem, how to deal with it is the problem.
The children have beaten and cannot be robbed.
Let's see how to convert.
In a bad thing, there is always something to be thankful for.
Think of it as conflict learning.
Don't have a problem, you start shouting and starting to criticize, so that the child thinks that Mom and Dad are afraid of us fighting.
Children are like this, what you don't like, I'm going to do.
Set a good example for your child
Two-child families generally have three systems: the parent marriage system, the parent-child system, and the sibling system.
Systems interact with each other.
For example, parents prefer a child, which is originally a problem of the parent-child system, which will interfere with the sibling system and lead to a bad relationship between brothers.
When parents have conflicts, it is also the best time to teach by example, if you can not be cold war, don't be cold war, of course, not violent, you must communicate well.
Parents are the same for their children's problems, don't be too nervous.
For example, children fall, bump, cardfish stab, can be solved, do not shout, panic. If you are too nervous about a small matter, then the brother will beat the younger brother, and the younger brother will also be very exaggerated.
Of course, in turn, children have conflicts, which will also affect the relationship between parents.
For example, parents will blame themselves or blame each other for mishandling.
The process of raising children must not be smooth, and it is difficult for their relationship to be harmonious and beautiful all the time.
Behind every grumpy child is because he needs to express and talk.
Quarrels, even fights, are an expression.
We're going to give them that chance, especially boys. Their communication and language skills develop relatively slowly, and their aggressive nature is at work, making them almost zero in the possibility of stopping.
Couples who don't quarrel every day are not necessarily good couples.
Similarly, brothers who don't fight are not necessarily good brothers.
I live in self-persuasion and healing every day, hoping that my positive energy can also heal the mothers of all boys.
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