Recently saw a video:
A foreign mother said that her five-year-old son found the family's electric hair barber without the adults' knowledge, and shaved himself, his brother and sister almost into a "dog chewing on the Mediterranean".
When my mother saw this scene, she cried and laughed.
But she did not immediately yell at the child, but patiently understood the incident first, and finally did not forget to comfort the children:
"Well it's just hair, it'll come back, Mom's all right."
During this time, her sister regretted it a little, and she timidly asked her mother if she could add some hair to her.
Mom rushed to comfort: "No, you are a beautiful girl, it doesn't matter, it will be fine in a few days." ”
Many parents commented: I admire this mother's gentleness and patience too much.
Yes, when seeing children mischievous, adults are difficult to control their emotions, and they cannot avoid a punishment for children, and few people can resist listening to children's explanations.
In modern life, everyone's life is very stressful, especially young parents. Busy with work, busy with family chores, but also to take care of young children.
In the day-to-day, boring life, the easiest thing to lose is patience with children.
When he was so busy that he turned his head to see the milk that had been spilled on the ground;
When in a hurry to go out, the child slowly dresses and ties shoes;
When you have great hopes for your child and he gets back the exam paper that is too late...
These moments can easily make us hysterical.
When children don't act as expected, it's easy to get impatient.
However, in educating children, the most feared thing is to have no patience.
1
In the once hit drama "Little Joy", who is Tao Zhexuan, who is idolized by the bully Lin Lei'er?
He is considered the "smartest person in the world", with an IQ test of 230, far surpassing Einstein, Newton and Hawking.
This genius was born in the 70s of the last century.
At the age of two, children older than themselves can be taught to count; by the age of three, they can spray arithmetic problems on glass with detergent.
Xi Ti such a gifted child, Tao Zhexuan's parents are like a treasure. They envisioned raising their children to be the youngest college students in history.
So, they sent Tao Zhexuan, who was only three and a half years old, to elementary school.
However, Tao Zhexuan, who was still in his early childhood, could not integrate well into the primary school campus because of his super intelligence. The unfamiliar environment made him insecure and always cried at school. In addition, in addition to mathematical advantages, other subjects, he is also difficult to keep up.
In the face of their son's abnormal behavior, Tao Zhexuan's parents immediately realized that their quick education had brought great harm to their children. They quickly let Tao Zhexuan return to kindergarten, decided to respect the pace of his son's growth, and let him take it slowly at his own pace.
Even the famous genius professor of child studies Minaka. Professor Gross proved that Tao Zhexuan was fully capable of finishing university before the age of 12, setting a new Australian record, and his parents did not waver.
Under the wise decision of his parents, Tao Zhexuan finished the primary and secondary school step by step...
Thanks to this complete life experience, he achieved amazing results in the following academic career. He invented the Grimm-Tau theorem, proposing the "Erdős difference".
After interviewing Tao Zhexuan, the New York Times reporter commented that the most enviable place for Tao Zhexuan is not in his amazing talent and outstanding achievements, but in the fact that while sitting on these geniuses and achievements, he can also grow into a happy "ordinary person" who enjoys a healthy life.
On the road of growth, the genius Tao Zhexuan can achieve today's achievements step by step according to his own growth rhythm because of the patient waiting of his parents.
Instead of getting a more "outstanding" child, the wise Parents of Tao Zhexuan chose to let Tao Zhexuan be a more "happy" child first.
Genius is indeed rare, and happy genius is even more precious.
2
Parents support and children are more accomplished
Once saw a movie about Dico, a child in the slums of Brazil.
Despite the family's life at the bottom of society, Dico has a beautiful dream: one day, he can win an Olympic gold medal for Brazilian football.
Unable to afford expensive soccer balls, Dicko and his friends put their socks together as soccer; they couldn't afford soccer boots and went barefoot.
Humble little people, but with big dreams.
Diko was ridiculed by all sides and ridiculed as a "barefoot squad". He was so discouraged that he wanted to give up.
However, the parents who have been silently following him promptly inspire their son: "You must accept your true self and not be ashamed of yourself." ”
When the child once gave up his dream because of the blow, the parents silently accompanied the child: "No matter what happens, my father and I will always love you." ”
The father, who is not good at words, also uses the mango as a football ball, pitches the ball, does various fancy actions to attract his son, and carefully guards the flame of his son's dream.
In the book "Why Home Hurts", it is mentioned that the love of parents is like creating a safe island. With a safe island in their hearts, children will confidently explore the world and interact with people.
It was because of his father's love that Dico eventually became a brilliant professional player.
In his career, he made a total of 1366 appearances and scored 1283 goals. These staggering figures are recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records.
The prototype of this movie is Pele, the king of the ball.
The reason why the child is able to succeed is because regardless of the suffering and experience, the parents have always stood behind him and given him strong support and encouragement.
Children who love the bottom of the pocket will eventually bloom their own light.
3
The more patient the parents, the better the children
There was a passage on the Internet where at 10 o'clock in the evening, a woman ranted "What the hell is the relationship!" "----" are opposites to each other. ”
The parents who accompanied the reading could not afford to be hurt, and I deeply felt the same way. My daughter's head is not smart, and accompanying her homework makes me angry and vomit blood.
Sometimes a simple math problem was repeated several times, and she still wouldn't, so I couldn't contain the anger in my heart and reprimanded her a few words.
She cried bitterly, and I regretted it, but next time it would be like this. The cycle repeats, a vicious circle.
Until my daughter was sick, looking at her emaciated little face, I blamed myself, she was stupid, and she was also my daughter, I didn't care who cared about her? I yelled at her again and she couldn't improve by 1 point.
On the contrary, she was becoming more and more inferior and I was getting angrier and angrier. We tormented each other and suffered terribly.
Thinking back to my daughter's childhood, I was so patient with her, I could watch her learn to walk, fall down again and again, and encourage her to get up on her own; I could lead her to count the steps step by step; I could point to the cars on the road and teach her to recognize the cars one by one; I could crouch on the ground and accompany her to watch the ants...
Since when did I become impatient?
Disgusted with her grinding and clumsiness; forcing her to study hard every day, making her a "child of someone else's family", when did I start to demand her with the eyes of an adult, and forget that she was just a child?
After reflection, I began to adjust my mentality, control my emotions, and began to learn to patiently accept my child's shortcomings. It's a painful and difficult process.
I wrote "If I'm okay, it's a sunny day" and posted it on the wall, and when I was going to get angry with my homework, I used the words on the wall to remind myself not to be angry, to endure. I couldn't help it, so I went downstairs for a walk and waited for the mood to calm down before going home.
Gradually, I found that I was less anxious and that my children were not so bad. The smile on her face is getting more and more, and her personality is becoming more and more cheerful and confident.
Every child is a seed, but the flowering period is different. Some flowers bloom brilliantly at the beginning; some flowers require a long wait.
Don't watch other people's flowers bloom, your own tree has not moved and is in a hurry.
Each flower has its own flowering period, patiently care for its own flowers, slowly watch him grow up, accompany him to bathe in the sun and rain, this is not a kind of happiness.
Believe in the child and wait for the flowers to bloom. Maybe your seed will never blossom because he's a towering tree, or maybe he's just a little grass.
So what, whether he is a flower, a little grass or a big tree, he is a unique self. What parents have to do is to be patient and wait for their children to grow.
4
Impatient parents can't raise good children
There are children who love the bottom of the pocket, dare to realize their ideals, and dare to pursue themselves. With love, they do anything, they are more confident and confident.
Loving their children unconditionally and helping them completely, what do parents need to do?
Trust the child
There was a little girl who told her mother that there was a ghost. But the mother felt that the child was young and thoughtless, and casually comforted her and urged her to hurry to sleep.
But this remark caught the attention of the father, and after carefully questioning his daughter, he learned that the ghost was black and could always be seen on the way out of school.
Finally, on the way to protect his daughter from school on the third day, dad found a middle-aged man wearing a black hat and tailing his daughter.
Parents who fully trust and value every word their children say is the greatest support for their children. It conveys to the child a signal of unconditional love, so that the child is more willing to share and ask for help from the parents when things happen.
As Gao Qiuzi, a guest of "Strange Story", said: Whether I am happy or unhappy, I will tell my parents, because no matter what happens, they will catch me.
Stand with your child
To love the child unconditionally, it is necessary to fully understand the child's position, understand the child's difficulties, empathize with the child, and be able to stand with the child.
The girlfriend's family returned to the countryside for the New Year, and the daughter Xiao Ke took a doll given to her by a good friend.
Who knows, the sister of the aunt's family also likes Xiao Ke's doll, and must be taken away when leaving.
Whether it is the grandparents coaxing Xiao Ke to say that she will buy her another doll, or the father saying that the sister wants to let the sister, Xiao Ke tightly holds the doll sent by the good friend and does not let go, and the sister rolls and cries.
Xiao Ke's father was very embarrassed, and after grabbing the doll, he was going to hand it to his sister. Xiao Ke was anxious and angry, and blushed and looked at his girlfriend for help.
The girlfriend stopped the doll from Xiao Ke's father's hand and returned it to Xiao Ke, saying to her sister: "This doll is very important to her sister." My sister will give you another toy. ”
Before going to bed that night, Xiao Ke put his arms around his girlfriend's neck for the first time and said to his girlfriend affectionately: "Mom, I like you the most!" ”
The Soviet pedagogue Makarenko once said: If parents do not love their children enough, their children will feel very painful.
And choosing to stand with your child is the best love for your child.
Tap into the needs behind your child's behavior
Children's behavior is only the tip of the iceberg, and parents need to dig out the children's unseen needs, emotions and thoughts under the iceberg through their children's behavior, so as to truly accept their children.
The little Nezha in the movie, possessed by the magic pill, has a bad deed, which makes people feel frightened.
However, he sneaked out of the boundary and turned the villagers upside down, but because no one wanted to approach him, he was lonely inside.
Fortunately, his parents could see his inner needs, did not blindly blame him for what he had done on the surface, and insisted on using love to impress Nezha who became a Buddha and a demon with one thought, and finally did not let him become a little monster who "kills without blinking, eats people without putting salt".
An education full of love can bring luck, and an education without love can only lead to unhappiness.
In "Freud's Mission", there is a passage that a person who is undoubtedly deeply loved by his parents will maintain the feeling of victory for the rest of his life, and this belief in success will lead to his continuous success in this life.
The unreserved love of parents is the softness of children's future walking in the world, and it is also their strength to cut through thorns.
With the love of parents, children can attack, retreat and defend, and face life, they will have nothing to fear.
Parents who are impatient are not too difficult to manage their children, but they are too anxious.
After the pressure of life, negative emotions cannot be released, excessive expectations for children, and anxiety, only the surface of the problem can be seen, and the real needs of the child's heart cannot be seen, and they will be rudely educated when the child makes mistakes.
Not only does it hurt the feelings between parents and children, but it also misses the opportunity to help children grow.
Your impatience is ruining your child's independence
A few days ago, my daughter shouted that she was going to play ocean ball, but she had to agree.
Watching her have fun, I also sat down in the rest area of the entrance, when a mother and son next to me caught my attention.
The little boy, who was probably about 3 or 4 years old, was sweating profusely and wanted to come out and change into clean clothes.
But maybe it was more buttons on the clothes, and the little boy's movements were a little slow.
The mother on the side first became impatient, rudely pulled the child in front of her, and helped the child change clothes in a few clicks.
"You can't wear any clothes, slowly, it's really not worrying."
Listening to his mother's reprimand, the little boy silently bowed his head, as if reflecting.
But did the little boy really do something wrong?
We see too many such scenes in life:
While complaining that the child cannot eat independently, the mother feeds the child, and finally explains that she is worried that the child will not have enough to eat, and she is also afraid that the child will get dirty clothes;
While teaching the child that he is so old, he can't wear his own clothes, and he is anxious to put on the child's clothes...
But we do not know that in our impatience and complaints, we ruin the opportunity for children to grow independently.
In the end, he also blamed the child in turn, always learning not to grow up.
No matter how old the child is, it grows up in the process of continuous exploration.
What they need is the patience and encouragement of their parents, not the rush of urging.
Parents give their children enough time and space so that they can accumulate their own energy.
Don't be a parent in a hurry, and don't grow up instead of your child.
Your impatience is ruining your child's view of honesty
Lying has always been a big taboo in family education.
Many parents find that their children are lying and become nervous, worried about what to do if they do not have a good education and develop bad habits.
So without asking the reason, he began to scold the child, thinking that this would "correct" the child's bad habits.
But he never asked why the child was lying.
The philosopher Russell said, "Child dishonesty is almost always the result of fear." ”
Because countless experiences have taught children that once they do something wrong, what follows is definitely a scolding punishment from their parents.
Since you will be beaten if you do something wrong, it is better to lie, because lying is not necessarily discovered.
There is a question on the knowledge: how did you learn to lie?
Netizen Wu Er's answer was highly praised.
Anyway, it is going to be beaten, so it is better to gamble.
What a sad answer, but a choice for many children.
In order to satisfy the parents and avoid punishment, they began to lie.
Perhaps they also experienced extreme struggle and fear in their hearts, but in the end, the fear of parental punishment still prevailed.
Therefore, if parents want their children to develop good habits and be an honest and good child, they must patiently accept every shortcoming on the road of their children's growth.
When you find that your child is lying, don't rush to label them as "bad boys", but understand the reasons and motivations behind your child's lies.
After the child feels understood and accepted, and then tell the child that he has done something wrong, he should have the courage to admit it, and the consequences of acknowledging are not as terrible as imagined, eliminating the child's fear.
Only when children truly recognize the mistakes and consequences can they not run away the next time they make mistakes.
Only when parents listen to their children and respect their children can they bring the most correct example to their children and let their children learn to take responsibility.
Your impatience is ruining your child's self-confidence
For parents, cultivating their children's self-confidence may take a lifetime, but destroying their self-confidence is simple.
The most common scenario is when the child is doing homework, and the parents are anxious and anxious.
Didn't you just teach this question, and how did you do it wrong again?
How can you be so stupid, how to teach can not be taught!
But the more anxious the parents are, the more the children are wrong; the more the parents scold, the more frustrated the children are.
Under the repeated impatient urging of parents, children may eventually give up on themselves, "Maybe I am very stupid."
Parents' mood is understandable, but we need the wisdom to see: what children need more at this time is our encouragement.
There is a world-famous short film in Singapore, "Children's efforts are more important than achievements".
At the dinner table, my mother asked my brother and brother about their test scores.
Among them, the older brother replied that he had achieved excellent results, while the younger brother just kept his head down and did not dare to speak.
When the mother saw the child's unbearable report card and was preparing to explode, she suddenly remembered that one day, the child was trying to do homework in the middle of the night.
After a few minutes, mom's expression slowly changed, praising them all for being great, because "as long as you work hard, you have no regrets." ”
The mother's unexpected smile allowed the younger brother to release the emotions he had been suppressing in his heart, show a bright smile, and regain self-confidence.
Impatient parents just blindly blame their children, rather than helping their children find the reason together, how can the child's self-confidence be formed?
Being a patient parent means being willing to wait for your child and give your child a little more time.
When the child makes a mistake, take a moment to understand his heart and empathize with him, instead of scolding him for not understanding things;
When the child tries to eat, dress, and do housework independently, give him time to try slowly, rather than simply and rudely doing it for him;
When the child has many difficulties in learning, accompany him to find the problem, adjust the learning method, rather than hitting him and abandoning him...
The growth of children is really not in a hurry at all.
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