Author | Maple
Source | Daughter Pie (ID: nverpai)
Recently watched a video of Olympic champion Wang Nan training her daughter to laugh.
During training, Xiao Xiao accidentally hit his mouth with the ball, and the tears swirled in the eye frame in pain, and Wang Nan had no intention of stopping.
A little girl who is less than 5 years old is only one head above the table, but she has to undergo intensive training like an athlete every day.
Others expressed their heartache, but Wang Nan always strictly demanded her daughter.
Every time she trained, if the action was not up to standard, she kept adding balls to her daughter until she passed.
Another time my daughter lost a game and cried very badly, but she had a serious face:
"You first wipe your tears dry, you can't cry when you lose, winning and losing are normal, you must first learn to face the loss, in order to win better."
Seeing that her daughter was so hard, her husband couldn't help but ask Wang Nan: "You have already experienced it, why do you want the girl to suffer these hardships?" ”
But Wang Nan knows that her daughter's future is more important than her heartache:
"First, she is a girl, and whatever she does in the future can only rely on herself;
Second, through sports, she can be more skinny in the future, with a strong heart and tenacious will quality. ”
Yes, many parents think that raising a girl, training her to go to a good school, finding a stable job, and marrying a good husband in the future will be ok, why work so hard?
Renowned family education expert Steve. Bidalph, once pointed out such a situation:
The living space of girls is becoming more complex and dangerous, and their present and future are destined to be richer and more difficult than ours.
In today's bizarre society, girls face far more trials and hardships than we think.
Now they are reluctant to let them suffer a little, and when they grow up, they will definitely suffer greatly.
01
There is not a single excellent girl
He grew up in the free-range of his parents
Some people may ask: "Is it still meaningful to exercise girls to suffer at the moment?" ”
There is a saying that goes: Eat a thousand hardships and temper a heart.
The real purpose of making girls suffer is to exercise their habit of suffering, cultivate their perseverance and perseverance, and the quality of facing difficulties.
Since they could not protect them for a lifetime, they could only be tempered alone, growing strong armor in the stumble, and becoming strong inside.
In an interview, a doctoral student told about his "misfortune": his mother broke four rulers in order to force herself to play the piano.
Every night, mom always pressed her against the piano over and over again, playing the prescribed repertoire before going to sleep.
She didn't have time to play, and every time she turned her head to look out the window at her friends together to shoot paintings, cut sandbags, and jump leather bands, she always looked envious.
However, my mother did not soften her heart, but was more strict:
"Since you decided to learn, you must persist."
As long as she did not practice seriously and was lazy, her mother would hit the piano with a long ring ruler, frightening her to cry and play.
Under the pressure of her mother, she finally passed the tenth grade of piano, and when she grew up, she was successfully admitted to college and got a doctorate.
Remembering that "no joy" childhood, she was extremely grateful:
"It was my mother who developed my tolerance for boring repetitive work, allowing me to encounter difficult things, go back to the root, repeat them again and again, until I solve it."
How much she used to hate her mother's harshness, how grateful she is now.
The reason why she can withstand hardships and win a good life now stems from the four rulers interrupted by her mother and the persecution when she does not have enough judgment on the world.
Listened to a conversation about an interview that deserves the thought of all parents.
"Is it really that important that the interviewer has talent? How many people who can play the piano can be loud? ”
"What we value is not how skilled he is, but the perseverance behind the acquisition of his skills."
Exercise girls suffer, which is exactly the truth.
"Forcing" them to grow is not for a perfect result, but for the perseverance gained in the process of perseverance that is stronger than ordinary people and the courage to overcome themselves.
The famous writer Turgenev once said: "If you want your children to become happy people, you must first learn to endure hardships." Those who can endure hardships can endure all misfortunes and no longer have difficulties that they cannot escape. ”
Girls who have suffered hardships and hit walls can withstand the storm and jump out of life's difficulties when misfortune comes.
One day, it will turn into a rich life experience, become practical and useful wisdom, and benefit a lifetime.
02
Pampering in childhood
It is the biggest "trap" for girls to grow
Zhan Qingyun once gave an example: there is a kind of child who is born with congenital pain loss, they do not feel pain, but they do not grow well because of it.
On the contrary, they are very fragile, and the vast majority do not live to adulthood because they do not feel pain and cannot coordinate with their bodies to learn to avoid risks.
The same is true of children who have been raised in honeypots since childhood, parents artificially avoid the hardships of life for their children, he has not suffered hardships, he has felt pain, and he is vulnerable in the face of future setbacks.
Remembering the story of the writer Liu Jirong, my daughter's third grade meeting was sad just because the teacher transferred her from the first row to the fourth row.
The teacher didn't call her to answer the question for a day, and the daughter cried in her throat. Classmates gave her nicknames, and her daughter cried and wanted to transfer schools.
These perfectly normal experiences, in the eyes of the daughter, are the hurt of the world, and finally the daughter's grades have plummeted, and her personality has also been inferior.
Liu Jirong blamed herself incomparably, because the pits that her daughter could not climb now were all buried by her.
When her daughter was 3 years old, she sent her daughter to the kindergarten class where her aunt worked, so that her daughter always enjoyed special treatment.
When I was in elementary school, the class teacher was a student of my grandmother, and she and my grandmother visited in person, and my daughter continued to enjoy special care, became the class leader, evaluated three good students, and entered the first batch of Young Pioneers.
So after changing the class teacher, the daughter could not adapt at all.
Girls who have been accustomed to smooth sailing since childhood are often vulnerable in the face of life's blows and difficulties.
Childhood pampering will eventually become a cancer on the growth of girls, poisoning her life.
A netizen also said: "When I grew up, I learned that the so-called pampering is a trap, and in the end, I have to double my repayment." ”
When she was a child, she did not love to learn, and her parents let her play in kindergarten for three years, and as a result, when she was in elementary school, her grades were at the bottom.
Later, her parents wanted her to learn pipa art school, but it didn't take long for her to shout bitterly and refuse to learn, and her parents were distressed that she had to give up.
In junior high school, my mother was worried that she would not be used to living in school, so she deliberately resigned to rent a house near the school to take care of her.
After attending college, she was often ridiculed because she could not take care of herself in life, coupled with the failure of the college entrance examination, she once gave up on herself, and finally suffered from depression, and repeated suicide failed.
There is a sentence in the book "Raising Girls": "On the road of parenting, letting daughters have the ability to resist risks is a compulsory course for parents to master." ”
On the road of life, the pain that the daughter should suffer is indispensable at all, and the difficulties that should be experienced must be experienced one by one.
If you don't want to delay your daughter's life, don't be too good to your daughter, don't do too much for your daughter.
03
Visionary parents
They all have these three "knives" on their bodies.
Every flower that blossoms must go through wind and rain, and every time it turns into a butterfly, it must go through tribulations.
The children in the honeypot do not grow up, and it is appropriate to add some "salt" and let the children suffer a little, so that they can thrive.
Education is to let the daughter bear the pressure of life at the right time, withstand the blow of fate, and learn to protect herself in the cruel world.
Visionary parents have these three "knives" on their bodies.
The first knife: cut off dependence and cultivate independence
If parents want their children to grow into an independent person, they must first make their children physically independent before they can move towards psychological independence.
Watched a short film:
The daughter wanted to cut the pineapple to eat, but did not know how to cut it, the mother did not help her directly, but picked up another pineapple to cut for the daughter to see. Following her mother's method, the daughter successfully cut the pineapple.
The daughter's pineapple popsicles could not be sold, and she ran to her mother for help, and her mother did not accompany her to sell, nor did she teach her how to sell, but let her daughter go to the vegetable market to see how others sold.
Finally, the little girl ran to the market for a closer look and successfully sold the popsicles.
Difficulties strike, "push" the daughter behind her back, let her experience it herself, to try.
When she grows up, she has her own job and family, so that she will not be defeated by accidents and setbacks, so that she will not become helpless in the face of difficulties, and she can have the ability to touch happiness and live a good life.
The second knife: cut off the willfulness and establish the rules
Yu Shiwei, the "first person in Chinese management education", once mentioned his daughter's meal in a lecture.
My daughter is a fan of cartoons, and every time she is asked to eat, she doesn't see any movement.
He set up a "trap" and told his wife to take away the snacks in advance and not to leave meals for his daughter.
His daughter was so hungry in the middle of the night that she cried and begged her mother to make her food, but he asked his wife to hold back and let her stay up until dawn.
Later, as soon as the meal arrived, the daughter obediently sat at the dinner table by herself.
Rules are the foundation of a child's future based on society.
Only by getting used to the existence of rules from an early age can we fade the "princess disease" of the body, break the limitations of self-centeredness, know right and wrong, know the progress and retreat, and become a girl with three views and good upbringing.
The third knife: cut off laziness and hone perseverance
In "The Boy Says", a girl spat at her father as soon as she came on stage: "You are really too cruel." ”
During the holidays, other children are playing, but dad has developed a military training for her, getting up at 5:30 every day, exercising, doing housework, and a series of study plans, scoring plans.
In the new semester, in the face of high-density learning, students are shouting and suffering, but she has completed a high-quality transformation, not only self-control is enhanced, but her personality has also become determined.
It turned out that the seemingly simple military training was Dad's good intentions.
On weekdays, parents can also urge their children to stick to an interest, develop a habit of punching cards, or participate in sports, which help to hone the girl's personality.
A girl, only in the face of life indomitable, she has the ability to fight for the future.
Cultivating a girl's tenacious and tenacious character is the best gift that parents can give to their daughters.
04
Dr. Hailan said: "It is easy to be a parent who shields your child from the wind and rain, but it is very difficult to be a parent who has a knife in his heart and watches his child suffer. ”
Yeah, no good girl grew up in a greenhouse.
A child without rules and boundaries will not suddenly understand the bottom line of life at the age of 15;
A child who does not know the taste of bitterness will not suddenly become indomitable at the age of 20;
A spoiled child will not suddenly carry the storm of life at the age of 25;
The growth of a girl is a journey of inquiry, and only by accumulating wisdom on the way can she grow into an adult.
What we have to do is not to bypass the barrier for our daughter and stay away from the obstacle.
Instead, we must make a hard effort to let them run, to exercise, to grow, to transform, to create their own open life.
Only in this way will their future path be more and more stable and farther and farther away.
Pay attention to the video number of old Xue's whole brain early education
This article is from the daughter pie (ID: nverpai), about the dry goods of raising daughters, here are all; about the bittersweet of raising daughters, here are all understood; may they be pure in life, knowledgeable in life, and decent in life.