"I don't know what to do."
"I can't control him anymore."
Every day, we come into contact with many parents who are exhausted because their children are addicted to games.
In the descriptions of these parents, it can be seen that behind their viewing of the game as a flood beast, there is a common problem that makes them extremely anxious:
"Grades declined due to a fascination with the Internet
Addicted to the game without the heart to study, and eventually suspended from school at home
Addicted to the game world, no one can enter his heart
These parents are very anxious and they always ask:
What should I do, will I let him play the game? Whatever? So the child is ruined.
So they will control the child, and even scold the child.
But judging from so many cases of contact, these methods basically do not work, and children will become more addicted to games and fight against their parents.
The situation is only going to get worse.
Why?
01
Parents know nothing about the reasons why their children are addicted to games
I was exposed to a case.
The parent said that his child had excellent academic performance from an early age, was obedient and sensible, and belonged to the kind of "children of other people's families".
But in the year when the child is in his first year of high school, the child begins to hide from his parents about the game.
In order to pay for the high game equipment, he secretly paid nearly 10,000 yuan with his mother's mobile phone.
By the time the mother found out, the child's addiction to games was already very serious.
The parent blamed all the reasons on the game, not only confiscating all electronic devices such as the child's computer and mobile phone, but even the network at home was cut off, and was determined not to let the child have access to the game again.
I thought that things might end here, but the child never spoke a word to his mother again, locked himself in his room after school, and his grades plummeted.
No matter how bitter this mother is or how much she cries and scolds, it is useless to him.
After listening to her description, I asked her: Do you know why he plays games?
She said: What else can there be for this? Isn't it just self-indulgence and unwillingness to learn?
For games, many parents believe that it is spiritual opium, which poisons the child's will and affects the child's learning, and even like this parent, believes that the game ruins the child's life.
However, few people can really understand what they are going through in the game from the child's point of view.
What exactly do they really want to get in the game?
After understanding, it was found that:
Although this child has good grades, he is very introverted, so in the eyes of teachers and classmates, he is a person with a very low sense of existence.
At home, parents are very strict and extremely demanding of their children.
Usually children take the test paper back to sign, no matter how well the test is, parents rarely have positive encouragement and feedback.
Constantly ignored and suppressed, he did not play games, but in a successful team battle, he was praised and recognized by his teammates.
In this regard, the child is out of control.
Behind the crazy recharge and purchase of equipment, not only for the blessing of combat effectiveness, but also for the recognition of more people.
Let yourself live from the neglected little people into the light that attracts the attention of thousands of people.
You see, children's addiction to games seems to make parents feel depraved and anxious, but when we look closely at the reasons, we ignore the helplessness and loss behind children's addiction to games.
How many of those children who are addicted to games start from confusion and helplessness, experience failure, scolding, doubt themselves, and finally give up on themselves and rely on games to find what they have lost?
If parents do not understand the root cause of their children's addiction to games, and only correct them from the surface of their behavior, they can only be like the children in this case.
It has lost the confidence in life and ruined the parent-child relationship for more than ten years.
02
Chinese parents are too short of knowledge to raise their children
American psychologist Erikson proposed that like human physical development, human psychological development is also regular.
Psychological research shows that children have a total of 5 stages of psychological development from birth to 18 years old, and these 5 stages are the most important stages of development in life.
Each stage has a unique development task, and the good development of psychology in each stage will lay the foundation for the development of the next stage.
Puberty is the fifth stage of children's psychological development, and it is also the period when children's personality changes the most and problems are manifested the most.
At this stage, children will have this problem that is unique to the growth period, and addiction to games is one of the most common phenomena.
However, under the traditional educational concept, parents will not explore the psychological development of their children, nor will they study their children's emotional needs.
The most direct way for parents is to beat and scold.
All you want is a good kid who doesn't play games, regardless of how it affects the child's future social functioning.
It is also this kind of thinking that has spawned countless schools for teens with Internet addiction, and many children are sent in every year.
Lingling, a 19-year-old girl in Henan, died in an Internet addiction school and was bruised all over her body, so why did you take her life in the name of quitting "Internet addiction"...
Xinxin, a girl who was "training" at the Internet addiction school, clearly heard the sound of her neck twisting - atlantoaxial subluxation, cervical cord injury, head trauma...
Re-explosion of Internet addiction school: 30,000 a year All kinds of "dark corporal punishment", 16-year-old Heilongjiang girl Chen Xinran began a nightmare-like life...
Other children were later interviewed by reporters:
"No one in our class of kids can walk out. If someone tells you he's mentally better, he's lying to you. ”
When the reporter saw the indifferent and alienated attitude of the children to their parents, wives and children after they "healed", the reporter was really convinced that he was still living in the fear of that year.
Their hatred of their parents is real.
It is also true that I do not know how to love my wife and children.
They have lost the ability to love.
This is the lack of social functioning.
We have always believed that every mother has the instinct to love her children.
But these parents are too lacking in the knowledge of raising children, and they have a very strong desire to "change their children".
For these parents, they just need a chance to learn things they don't know.
Therefore, "Mom Psychological Parents Growth College" hopes to extract the most core things of adolescent family education and let more parents know.
For most parents, as long as they can learn the psychological development laws and characteristics of some adolescents and understand some of the most basic psychological knowledge, they can help them become better parents to a certain extent.
It can also be easier to solve and face the problems of adolescent children's addiction to games and boredom.
03
Scientific education, farewell to blind guidance
Teacher Mo Wei of the Mom Psychological Growth College said: Adolescence is the last opportunity to educate children.
Improper methods not only do not guide the child's behavior, but may also have a counterproductive effect.
Figure out the reasons behind the child's various problems, help the child through this difficulty, lay the foundation for the child's smooth development as an adult, and can also further consolidate the parent-child relationship.
If these problems are not properly dealt with, they will bury wounds that are difficult to heal throughout their lives, and parents will miss out on the last opportunity to educate their children.
Mom Psychology opened the video number of Teacher Mo Wei
Hurry up and pay attention!