Today is the twenty-third day of the Waxing Moon, the Northern Small Year, and it is also the 8th birthday of CC.
Giving her a letter every year on this day, year after year, has also become a habit.
1
From the perspective of "sister and brother getting along", this is definitely the most difficult year for CC.
As the old saying goes, 7-year-old and 8-year-old dogs are suspicious, but in fact, the reason behind it is because 7- and 8-year-old children have reached the second rebellious period in their lives.
Coincidence? She also met a younger brother who was going through the first rebellious period of his life and was annoyed with his gods.
The second period of rebellion meets the first period of rebellion, and as long as there is a collision, it is the shaking of the earth.
A period of stubbornness, "I will"; a period of rebellion, "I will not give".
In the previous year, the state of brotherhood and brotherhood was gone, and every day was a chicken flying dog jumping.
And her state of DD is as entangled as an old mother's dime.
Maybe it's a girl, and there is that kind of love in her nature, so sometimes her tolerance for DD is simply beyond my reach.
For example, when I walk DD and sometimes cry, she will give full play to her sister's advantages, take him to hide and seek, find good food, and do everything in her power to resolutely prevent DD from crying.
I will also quietly give his share to DD when he cries and wants to eat more candy, or when we criticize DD for not throwing things around, take the initiative to stand up and help him speak.
However, as a sister, she always wants to exert her authority as a big sister, and wants DD to listen to him.
DD, on the other hand, happened to be at an extremely uncooperative age, and everything was the opposite of her.
She was angry and anxious, couldn't help but kill him, and even beat him, fierce and regretful, confessed, "I don't want to kill him, but he doesn't listen to me, he was crying fiercely by me, I look at it and regret it."
Yes, the old mother took the set of lines with the baby, and let her say it.
But just like we are also the first time to be a parent, the child is also the first time to be someone's sister?
Some experiences can only be explored through experience.
2
From the perspective of "emotional experience", this is definitely the most painful year for CC.
The children of the second rebellious period at the age of 7 and 8 are more eager to make their own decisions and have a strong sense of autonomy.
So, any bondage, for her, was torture, parental discipline, and she often expressed disobedience.
Regarding the familiarity of parents with their children, there is a very common saying: "As soon as you poke your ass, I know what shit you are pulling".
But if you've been raising a child for 8 years, the reverse applies.
With one look in your eyes, the child understands how you are going to discipline her and how she is going to deal with you.
Moreover, children at this age have clear thinking and strong language expression skills.
Like what:
She didn't do well, I wasn't satisfied, I sighed heavily, and she would ask warily, "What's wrong?" Am I bad at this? For example, if I want to induce her to help me take care of my brother, I just said "Oh, it turns out that the baby book is so fun, CC do you want to come and see it", she will white me with a sentence of "Don't think about the routine I tell DD Oh, I have my own business."
For another example, I hope to use the power of my companions to make her do something, I just hinted that "since you like Liu Yuyu so much, think she has good grades and good temper, then you can also be like her, study hard and lose less temper"...
She can immediately react to my purpose, "Don't compare me to others, otherwise, I won't share my good friend's story with you in the future"...
All kinds of experience of touching nails reminds me that all the sets of dealing with children, when it comes to 7 or 8-year-old children, suddenly it is not good.
They're starting to be transparent and starting to easily see through your tricks.
I think this year is a watershed, from this year to adolescence, children began to slowly "de-childize" (a word I made myself).
You can't use the same set of coaxing children in the past to deal with him, they demand more respect, equality, and ask you to talk to him as an independent individual.
But!
Whether their emotional development has matured to the level of adulthood, even if you have an equal dialogue with him, their little glass heart is still unable to withstand the destruction of reality.
So, it's all kinds of screwing, madness, self-explosion, self-reconciliation, self-repair.
The process is painful and painful.
For example, she doesn't work with me these days.
This fountain of my thoughts poured up, and I especially hated being interrupted.
So when she said, Mom, there are math problems I can't read.
"Jump over first, Mom is struggling to write a book, can't be disturbed, you wait for me for a while!"
"I don't want to jump."
"Then wait patiently for me for a while"
Apparently, she didn't want to wait.
"How long will it take?"
"Not sure, about 5 minutes."
After 1 minute: "Mom, are you okay?" "After 2 minutes" Mom is not OK? "3 minutes later" Mom, when exactly can you!" ”
I didn't really get away with it either, so I just repeated the short response "You need to wait a minute", "Or, you can jump over and do something else first." ”
I carefully crossed the computer several times to look at her expression, at first a little wanted to explode, and then began to secretly wipe away tears, but in the end, she stubbornly and secretly wiped away her tears and chose to wait.
She had her little pride, and I pretended not to see it.
After the work was over, I sincerely praised her: "My daughter has really grown up, in previous years, similar situations, I had to jump to make trouble with me, and now, I have learned to regulate my emotions and control my emotions."
Growing up is to tear the skin and flesh, and every level of pain and calamity must be crossed by the child himself
3
From the perspective of "behavioral experience", this is definitely the most tearful year for CC.
7 and 8-year-old children jump between absolute sensibility and absolute reason every day.
They begin to mature, can rationally analyze right and wrong, rationally, and sometimes the "axis" makes people head-headed;
But they continue the simple kindness of children, delicate, and the touching tips of their hearts are soft.
For example, DD wants to sit on her stool, if she doesn't want to sit, even if DD cries and dies next to the stool, she will not let go, she will only reply "Why, this is my stool!" I don't want to sit him, is there something wrong with that? ”
Me: "Yes, yes, yes, but..."
CC: "I know what you're going to say, don't say me, the more you say it, the less I won't let him sit!" ”
Me: Pawn!
But are you saying she's just unreasonable? Nor is it.
One day DD's children's dining chair was broken, and before the new one arrived, he temporarily stood or knelt on the adult's chair to eat.
For several days, no one felt anything wrong.
One day when I came home, I saw that DD suddenly sat up high, and it turned out that the mystery under the bottom was that his sister helped him add a small stool.
CC said, I tried to kneel a little, the knee hurt so much, you see DD sitting can not reach, standing too high, kneeling too painful, too painful, I added a stool to him.
Me: Come back to life!
Another example:
She provoked me to come with C's dad, eager to scare us to death with words and angry us with actions.
Because her personality is too strong, her language is sharp, and her behavior is agile, for the first time in so many years, she slammed the door, locked the door, and shouted at us hysterically.
But when you soften up, you will also take the initiative to say:
"I decided to clean up my room and do the housework myself.
It's not that I like it, I don't like it at all; it's not that I love cleanliness, you know, I don't need to be that clean like you. (Me: ??? ）
I just think that we all just take care of it, the whole family is only dad to clean up, this is not fair, dad is tired, how hard ah. ”
It is hard to imagine that one second we were almost sent away by anger, and the next second, we can feel this humanistic care.
At the age of 7, she was loved and hated like this.
Next year will be our 8th year together.
I know that there has never been a "good time for a child to grow up".
Every year there are new challenges, new topics, follow the growth of children, and constantly arm myself, about, is the best thing I can stick to.
Happy birthday, my 8 year old!