01
"I hate Mommy and Daddy! I hate them hitting me! ”
When her mother, Liu Qin, heard her daughter TianTian, who was in her third year of junior high school, say this sentence to the psychotherapist, she couldn't help but burst into tears.
Liu Qin found out that Tian Tian had a psychological abnormality, or when she received a call from the police, before that, she never thought that Tian Tian would be destroyed in her hands.
Liu Qin is a down-to-earth tiger mother, she lined up her daughter's week full, all kinds of training classes, from subjects to hobbies, adding up to about seven or eight.
In retrospect, she recalled that these paintings, musical instruments, and dances were not liked by Tiantian, "She quite liked singing, and I thought at that time, there was not much point in learning this, and I did not let her develop." ”
In terms of learning, Liu Qin has always instilled the concept of her daughter: as long as you have good grades, any requirement can be met.
Before each exam, Tian Tian will promise: if you do well, the items you want can be used as a reward. Or when her daughter asks for something, she will say: as long as you have good grades.
Liu Qin noticed that her daughter was different, and it was during the midterm exam last year that TianTian's math test was particularly poor. Tian Tian is a bit biased, the liberal arts class has good grades, and the science subjects are always not ideal. Liu Qin was a little unhappy. But Tian Tian was more anxious than her mother, and she began to stay up all night, saying that she wanted to study, and kept asking her mother for a mobile phone, saying that she wanted to take classes online. "I didn't give her my phone and asked her to go to bed quickly."
Liu Qin thought that TianTian was only temporarily depressed and did not care. Until one day, when she was out running errands, she received a call from the police saying that something had happened to her daughter. A person at home tiantian made an extreme behavior, and someone called the police.
"The whole person is ignorant." Liu Qin described her state that day, a mess.
Liu Qin sent her daughter to the beginning of treatment, she also began to reflect on her relationship with her daughter, a little bit to find her own mistakes, "I am indeed too harsh on her. ”
Liu Qin felt that the first thing she should do was apologize to her daughter, "I said sorry to her." Tian Tian did not accept this apology, she seemed a little cold and resistant.
One day, she said to her daughter: Mom is also a first-time mother, I love you very much, but in the wrong way. Mom will definitely correct it in the future, and you can see your mother's actions. That time, Tian Tian cried in front of her.
After a period of treatment, Tiantian's condition improved a lot. "She can talk to me and she's willing to talk to me." Liu Qin felt that this was not easy to come by.
Tian Tian is still continuing her studies, but only going to half a day a day, and at noon, her mother takes her home and rests for half a day. Liu Qin comes back from work every day and will accompany her daughter for walks and chats. "One day, our family of three went out for a walk after dinner, and she suddenly said: Mom and Dad, I am so happy."
At that moment, Liu Qin almost burst into tears, "In fact, what she wants is very simple, that is, the simplest companionship of her parents." ”
In fact, the education of children is always the subject of mothers, who do not hope that the child will become a dragon, and the girl will become a phoenix. Learning how to educate children has become a top priority.
Many mothers have not read less parenting discipline books, and the lectures of online parenting masters have not listened less, but they are still confused and cannot understand the doorway. On the one hand, there is "tiger mother" and on the other side is "loving mother", what kind of mother should be?
02
The first episode of an Australian reality TV documentary", "Living with the Enemy", began a showdown between "Tiger Mother" and "Buddhist Mother".
Jane is a Buddhist mother who has four children, and in her life, children are almost the focus of the whole. She advocates that children have the right to speak and choose independently, and as long as they do not break the law and do not cross the line, children can do anything.
For example, if the underage daughter wants a tattoo, Jane agrees; her son wants to play a game, so she buys a game console for her son to play.
Since Jane fully respects the opinions of the children, the 4 children in the family are very clingy to the mother and also like to communicate with the mother, because the mother will agree to almost anything. Children do grow freely in this "perfect love" without any constraints.
But is this approach to education really desirable?
Under the "laissez-faire" education, Jane's children have become extremely self-centered and do their own thing. For example, when the father came to the house and wanted to ask his daughter to help with the housework, the daughter was reluctant and muttered, "I just don't want to do it!" ”
Beth has 3 sons and is an authoritarian mother. She believes that "it is absolutely impossible to be friends with children" and that mothers should be like leaders and lead their children towards the set goals.
In her home, everything is well organized and has a lot of rules. Under the rules, children have long formed good habits, and after school, they will spontaneously do homework, practice violin, and do housework.
Beth's rules, ignoring the normal needs of children, this will definitely break out after the child becomes an adult, and the games that cannot be played now will be fully made up in the future, and there may be hidden dangers of game addiction.
In addition, Beth is too protective of the child, not exposing the child to any "bad" information, but inadvertently shaping the child into a "flower in the greenhouse", such a child is difficult to deal with in the future, and does not know how to deal with the danger.
And because of too much discipline, children do not have any rights, children dare not speak to their parents, communication has become a great hidden danger.
Seeing Jane and Beth getting along with the children, will the mothers be more entangled: using the "tiger mother" education method, worried about the child's loss of creativity; using the "sheep mother" education method, worrying that the child is too free and lacks the sense of rules.
03
In fact, whether it is a "tiger mother" or a "Buddhist mother", in fact, the focus is on the "degree" of education.
"Strict" must have a scale, and "loose" must have a boundary.
"Strict" refers to strict requirements, to discipline, for children with poor self-control need to be constantly supervised.
"Loose" must also be within the prescribed boundaries, and parents play an auxiliary role.
Finally, no method is a panacea. All methods have their own pros and cons, and it is necessary to change the perspective appropriately to be a smart parent.
Wise parents should not believe in any kind of education method, and do not take it out of context, the most suitable is the best.
Whether you are a "tiger mother" or a "loving mother", we must always correct our original intention, all for the sake of our children. We must not blindly pursue a certain educational method like "going crazy" and ignore the real feelings of children.
Love is the source of everything.
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