Hello everyone, I'm Mommy.
These two days, the 75th Cannes Film Festival released a list of films, and the film "Determination to Break Up" starring Tang Wei (Korean film) was shortlisted for the main competition unit, and she got the opportunity to compete for the Cannes Film Queen.
Tang Wei, who had been silent for a long time, appeared, that is, Wang Fried.
As early as 2014, after she married her Korean husband Kim Tae-yong, she hid in the beautiful small countryside, and her life was only left with babies, flowers, yoga... Occasional appearances will quickly disappear from public view.
The last time I heard about her, it was that she was rumored to be married.
In February this year, a number of Hong Kong media broke the news that Tang Wei and her husband were suspected of divorcing. The reasons for this conclusion are:
Last year, Tang Wei publicly stated that he "should live in a comfortable home in China", the couple has been separated for more than half a year, and the two do not interact much on social platforms.
Frankly speaking, being divorced by rumors because of separation is really unconvincing.
And Tang Wei himself also posted a photo of a family of three on February 14, Valentine's Day, and the rumors were self-defeating.
The agent said: Separated for such a long time, in addition to the epidemic, Tang Wei took his daughter back to China to go to school is the main reason.
I was actually relieved to see this, it turns out that sometimes, stars are no different from ordinary people:
When necessary, they will choose to sacrifice some of the happiness of the family to make way for their children.
Just like Tang Wei and them, separation is a compromise for many families after considering the pros and cons.
Ordinary people who are separated
I don't know if you have found that in recent years, there have been more friends living apart, there are reasons for the epidemic, and there are also life pressures.
A survey of 2006 people conducted by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily through the questionnaire network showed that about 18.5% of married families were in a state of long-distance marriage.
According to the data of the seventh census, there are more than 90 million separated families.
The girlfriend warbler and husband are one of them.
The two currently work in different cities and often only meet for months.
His husband bears most of the family's expenses and mortgages, and although he is far from home, he does not dare to resign.
Warblers work in public institutions, work during the day, take their babies at night, and rarely have their own time.
Even if the child gets sick in the middle of the night, goes to the hospital, registers, and seeks medical treatment, she is busy alone.
In the past, she was most afraid of children asking "When will Daddy come back?" ", because she can't say it either.
Because of the separation, most of the time she has to bear the burden of caring for her family and children alone, and it is inevitable that she will fall into anxiety.
"In a few months, the child will be in primary school, and when the time comes, the pressure will only be greater."
Her husband is not around, and these pressures naturally fall on her.
"He's also working hard to make money outside, I don't blame him, I'm also trying to find a better way for us to learn to share family responsibilities in the case of separation."
Fortunately, her husband is also interested in returning, working hard outside in the past few years, and the accumulated qualifications are basically enough for him to find a similar job at home and take on family responsibilities with his wife.
The couple's biggest wish at present is that the epidemic has passed, the husband has more opportunities to come back to find a job, and after settling down, the child will no longer have to be separated from his father.
A few days ago, I received a request from netizens @ tiantian.
She said that in order for her children to receive a better education, she has been separated from her husband for seven years.
Considering the average teaching force in their hometown, afraid of delaying their children's further education, the couple gritted their teeth and took out a loan to buy a school district house in the county.
To make it easier to care for her children, she took a job in a factory around the school.
The husband stayed in his hometown to engage in breeding, and by the way, he took care of his parents with limited mobility, so the husband and wife began to live separately.
For seven years, she took care of her children while working, and her energy was somewhat exhausted.
Although the child's academic performance is very good, she sees the hope of life and feels that all these years of hard work are worth it.
But she also has hidden concerns —
Long-term separation, the feelings of husband and wife are getting weaker and weaker, "except for talking about children, there is nothing to talk about"
What's worse is that children lack the company of their fathers from an early age, and their personalities become more and more withdrawn and introverted.
"If I continue like this, it will not be conducive to the healthy growth of my children, what should I do?"
From her inquiry, I saw a mother's deep love for her child.
But on the other hand, we can also learn from her story:
Family members live apart for a long time, if you do not pay attention to maintenance, not only affect the feelings of husband and wife, but also affect the mental health of children, resulting in irreparable harm.
How to maintain a relationship when separated?
If separation is inevitable, what can be done to minimize the damage to the couple's feelings and parent-child relationship?
The Tiger Mom's family, which is also experiencing separation, shared their approach.
Because of the impact of the epidemic, the tiger mother and her husband, who have two children, have lived separately for more than two years, and her husband works in Shenzhen, and she lives alone in Hong Kong with her two children.
In these 700 days, the family gathered less and left more.
Unexpectedly, during this period, the child's relationship with his father was not affected at all, the homework has been good, and he has won many awards, and the relationship between the tiger mother and her husband is getting better and better.
How did the family do it?
In fact, during the period of separation, The tiger mother was also confused for a while. The double pressure of work and carrying a baby made her mood worse and worse.
"I'm too tired to get angry." After reflection, she decided to reduce her burden on herself.
She teaches her eldest son to cook, take care of her brother, and help herself with housework;
By making a plan and setting up reward mechanisms, children successfully overcome procrastination.
In this way, it is much easier to bring a baby, and educating children can also be more effective with half the effort.
What makes her happy is that during this period, her husband also gave her a lot of support.
He did not start to be a handshaker because of the distance, but did his best to participate in family life and fulfill the responsibilities of his father and husband:
On Saturday, he and his family "watched" the same movie to cultivate common topics.
Every half a month, books and my wife's favorite snacks are mailed regularly.
In addition, he tutors homework remotely and guides children to participate in programming competitions.
……
Because of this, although they live in two places, the family's feelings are getting stronger.
Therefore, separation is not an excuse, as long as there is a heart, not together can also feel each other's love.
A mother told me that her husband was working outside the home only during the Spring Festival, and she took her two sons alone.
At first, she was more afraid of the loneliness that came with gathering less than separating.
Fortunately, what she feared didn't happen.
"He would video call home whenever he had time, care about me and my children, and tell interesting things about the day;
What difficulties the child encounters in school, he will also be the first to enlighten...
Although the children are not often with their fathers, they know that their love has always been there. ”
Perhaps in the eyes of many people, these small things are not worth mentioning.
But for her, it was these thoughtful details that gave her the motivation to keep going.
The family accompanies and backs each other with love. Now, she and her husband are both struggling to live and looking forward to the next reunion.
My cousin is a nurse and my husband is a doctor. In the past two years, the epidemic has occurred frequently, and after the couple reached an agreement, the husband often took the initiative to ask for help.
Before each departure, he told his wife, "You work with peace of mind, take good care of yourself and your children, and don't worry about me."
Whenever a daughter asks about her father, she will tell her child: Your father is a hero, and he is protecting many people.
Except for the phone call after work, my cousin rarely took the initiative to contact him to "take care of the small home, can't distract him, I believe we will meet soon."
Separation is more of a last resort, but every couple who is experiencing separation understands:
Separation is for the sake of better togetherness.
Separation is for better togetherness
The recent pandemic has disrupted the pace of many people's lives.
Too many long-distance couples, the meeting plan has been repeatedly shelved.
Many college students have not seen their parents for half a year.
Many wanderers who have wandered away from home have not been able to go home for a year or two.
……
There are also countless "retrogrades" who bid farewell to their families and rushed to the front line of the fight against the epidemic.
They can fight on the front line without distraction, and they are indispensable to the silent support of their families.
Liang Xingmei is a doctor who supports wherever the epidemic is serious.
From one sealing area to another sealing area, even if you go home, you will only stay for a while and leave.
Every time she left, my daughter would hold her and cry for a long time.
It is false to say that she is not concerned, but her husband's support reassures her a lot, "You are at ease to fight, pay attention to safety, and the family and children are handed over to me."
They all believe that temporary separation is for a better life in the future.
A few days ago, JD.com used "suicide logistics" to support Shanghai, and many people were touched after being exposed by the media.
Thousands of courier brothers came to Shanghai from all over the country to deliver supplies, they are husbands, fathers, daughters, mothers.
Like them, there are many people who are temporarily separated from their families because of the epidemic. While we are convenient, let's not forget that they also have family members in mind.
The epidemic has set many obstacles to our lives, but it has also made us see more clearly what we want to do most and who is the person we want to see the most.
"Dad, when are you coming back to stay with me?"
"Baby, Daddy will be back with you in a few days."
If it weren't for life, who would want to be separated from their families?
I hope that everyone can meet the person who has their hearts and minds soon.
May the epidemic end as soon as possible, all separated people reunited as soon as possible, the mountains and rivers are unharmed, and the world is safe.
Finally, thank you to every staff member who is fighting on the front line of the fight against the epidemic.
The weather is getting hotter and hotter, take care of your body!