The post-pandemic era
Our lives have quietly changed
Here are a few questions for parents to ask themselves:
1) Parent-child companionship at home, are we united in our hearts, or do we only contribute, but the heart is online or at work?
2) After the "double subtraction", the child canceled the extracurricular training. Do they have more time and energy at home to participate in learning on their own?
3) The learning resources of the network platform are abundant. In an era when learning resources are within reach, is your child's learning happening anytime, anywhere?
4) 24 hours of parent-child zero distance, more interaction with each other? Has the relationship become more intimate?
1. Changes in interpersonal networks
The epidemic at home has given us the opportunity to re-establish the parent-child relationship. The most immediate change brought about by the epidemic is that what has changed is the interconnection of relationships between people, and the intersection of relationships has changed. It reinforces the inevitable intersection between man and man, and this cross-cutting creates a difference.
At the beginning of the epidemic, we were basically single-line contacts, such as parents and teachers (home-school cooperation), teachers and students (educational relationships). These people may not have much to do with the child's grandparents.
● After the outbreak of the epidemic, our entire interpersonal circle became a network of arrangements. In the past holidays, many parents still had to go to work normally, and during the day we handed over our children to off-campus training institutions. But this year, after the policy adjustment, it is more grandparents who are involved in the daily life of their children and vacation learning. Generational rearing is prone to coddling, which will actually have a certain negative impact on the cultivation of children's living habits and learning habits during the stay at home.
● The pandemic has reduced opportunities for face-to-face interaction between people. From the teacher's point of view, communication with students relies on the Internet. Students' networks are also built online. The Internet brings convenience, but it will also have a negative impact on the growth of children. For example, long-term use of mobile phones and computers will cause certain harm to children's vision and physical and mental health, and even children will have dependence.
2. Shift in the role of parents
●Lifestyle trainer
Without the complete schedule of school schedules, staying at home and during the winter vacation stage is bound to bring fluctuations to children's living habits. At this time, children should develop some good habits for lifelong development at home, such as reading habits, exercise habits, and housework habits. Through the cultivation of these habits, the child will become a positive, healthy and autonomous person. The stronger a child's internal drive, the less external supervision is needed.
● Psychological observer
Because of the pandemic, many plans have been suspended. For children in the state of puberty development, they need a lot of time to release energy. However, after a long time of living at home, parents still pay more attention to the child's learning status, and the child is also prone to resistance. Therefore, we parents should observe the physical and mental condition of our children in life and follow up immediately to help our children adjust their own state.
● Learning assistant teacher
Without the daily feedback and supervision of teachers, what can our parents do? Parents are definitely not the identity of teachers who tutor their children's learning, but at most they are teaching assistants for their children's learning. The role of parents is to help their children learn autonomously.
How to achieve benign family companionship
1. As a parent
Manage your emotions
Adults and children stay at home for a long time, and their hearts will feel suffocated and irritable, and friction and conflict will inevitably occur. Parents should consciously adjust their emotions and explore ways to relax and reduce stress. Such as doing sports, cooking food, reading books, etc. Keeping yourself in a positive, optimistic mindset can also help alleviate negative emotions in parent-child relationships.
Give your child high-quality companionship
This special period is a rare opportunity for parents to get along with their children and develop a home learning plan. Through consultation and discussion with their children, parents turn the life and learning arrangements of the day into a schedule of work and rest, and the combination of work and leisure will help reduce anxiety, enhance parent-child communication, and promote parent-child relationship.
Give your child time and space to be alone
In fact, high-quality companionship does not mean always-on companionship. Parents should give their children room for solitude and leisure time. Especially for adolescent children, we must respect their needs for independence and solitude, and let children be the masters of learning. For example, when parents do housework and remote work, they can make an agreement with their children to check the completion of their children's homework after how long. During this time, let the child write his homework, read books, online lessons, etc., and do not interfere with or disturb him/her.
2. The four steps of parent-child communication
Express emotions instead of with them
● Guide children to analyze and reflect through questions
● Have your child say what they need and the help they need
● Express trust and expectation
From parent-child antagonism
To build a growth community
Do I really know my child?
We think we know our children well because we live together from the moment they are born. But in today's society where information explodes, new things are frequent, and multiple values coexist, children are a contradiction in the physical and mental growth of these changes. They need to be recognized, and their sense of self-independence needs to be respected. Because of the lack of confidence in the growth of children, parents should continue to follow up and manage their children, requiring their children to be "obedient". Therefore, contradictions are on the verge of erupting. The epidemic at home has made us face this contradiction at all times.
1. Weaken the parent-child conflict
●First heel and then belt
Parents should agree with the reasonableness of the child's work and the rationality of the child's thinking. Then take the child to try in a positive direction that the parents think is the right one.
● Timely praise, regular reflection
Praise must be timely, and the child who does a good job is praised immediately. Where it is not done well, children need to reflect, rather than directly harsh. Children who grow up in harsh responsibilities will have a lot of self-denial and lack of self-confidence in themselves. So you can simply sit down with your child in a phase, such as half a month or a week.
2. Choose a way that matches your child's age characteristics
● Growth sharing session
Sit down and have your child share their progress, changes during the holidays, or changes in their parents. Parents can also talk about how their children have changed.
● Send a text message to the teacher to announce the good news
If you find out what your child is doing well, tell the teacher. On the one hand, teachers can interact with children online. In addition, in the new semester, it has also become a very good testimony for teachers to motivate and encourage children.
● Special days, special family letters
For example, on February 15th, children may be facing preparations for school. At such a special node, write a family letter to the child to express the feeling of the child's growth and the expectation of the child's new semester.
● Parent-child PK match
Parents can consciously let their children win. Because children will evaluate their own strength in the process of winning, they know that the reason for winning is that their energy is getting bigger and bigger. Regular assessment can help your child be more accurate about how he or she perceives himself. There are many mistakes that high school students make that don't happen on their own initiative, but because they don't realize that they already have a lot of destructive power. Therefore, we can only let the children continue to strengthen their cognition in the middle of the process of parent-child PK competition, knowing that they are already adults, their abilities are getting bigger and bigger, and the greater the ability, the greater the responsibility.
● Gentleman's Agreement
The parent and child sign an agreement on the specific event to cultivate the child's spirit of contract.
● Visualize the target
For example, write down the specific requirements of your child's goals on a sticky note or stick it on your desk, and choose a place where your child can often see it. This will have a positive psychological cue for the child.
● Partnership Program
Parents can be angel investors who invest in their children's growth. Give the child the opportunity to negotiate on his own, let the child become a partner on his own, and what to do will make the child grow better and better. In the process of such a partnership program, ask the child to say "What kind of person do I want to be?" What kind of strategy is needed to become such a person"... With such a goal to lead the child, the subjective initiative will be strengthened.
Tips
Only parents can do it to their children, "I understand you, understand you, tolerate you, of course, I also restrain you and regulate you." Then the child will think, "Because you know me, I am willing to listen to you." "Our children will be more willing to exchange ideas with their parents and express their opinions in the discussion." In the long run, children will gradually form a self-planning for independent growth.
(Disclaimer: This article is transferred from the WeChat public account of the "Shangqiu City Mental Health Counseling Center for Minors" for the purpose of transmitting more information.) If there is a source labeling error or infringement of your legitimate rights and interests, please contact us in time, we will promptly correct, delete or deal with it according to law. ）
Overall planning: Chu Yan
Editor-in-Charge: Chen Xiaotong
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